holidays are for movie watching

i've seen some movies lately and thought i would share my thoughts in case you, like me, enjoy heading to the theatres over christmas.

first off, The Social Network was really good.  dark, but good.  of course, i would love to know where the hollywood writers picked up after the trail went cold from mark zuckerberg, but fascinating nonetheless.  and if i learned anything it is that harvard as an undergrad would suck and i would likely never feel like i was cool enough, rich enough, or smart enough.

and who knew that sean parker of napster fame was still a part owner of facebook?  or that they dropped the 'the'?  or that it all began because there actually was something called the facebook at harvard?

one of my bros got Salt for christmas so we piled on to the couch on jesus' birthday and watched the worst version of angelina jolie doing an action film ever.  the stunts were way too far fetched to be believable and what could have been an engaging story line (russian sleeper spy emerges to save america and the world) was thin, flat, and had too many loose ends.  give it a miss.

The Kids Are All Right has some oscar buzz and a golden globe nomination and it is worth it.  a film that makes being gay normal and not glamorous is refreshing.  the story is a bit slow and heavy on dialogue, but that is my kind of entertainment.  julianna moore and annette bening are unsurprisingly awesome and mark ruffalo is a delight.  i am curious to know what next for the family after they go through an affair that shakes their entire foundation.  but, like the title suggests, i'm sure the kids will be all right.

i haven't seen many movies this past year, but have started myself an excel spreadsheet to list the titles i want to see.  and hopefully while i have some extra time during my mini staycation.  interested in what is on my list?

Never Let Me Go
Despicable Me

Black Swan

Barney's Version

The King's Speech

127 Hours

Love and Other Drugs

For Colored Girls

Little Fockers

Blue Valentine

Country Strong

feeling like kind of a big deal!

the cat's outta the bag.  i can finally tell people about this incredible honour that i received recently.  one of avenue magazine's top 40 under 40 in calgary.

and well, i am posting it here because sometimes i suppose it is ok when private and professional lives collide.  and i feel pretty fantastic about it, especially having met some of the other recipients who were wonderfully inspiring.

i had to have the online article revised with a word change because apparently i was one who felt the need to overcome 'diversity!'  i know i was nervous when they interviewed me, but i am pretty sure that it was adversity that i think is essential to overcome in order to grow!

my lovely sister was the one who nominated me and i found out back in july that i was going to be recognised and i had to keep quiet until last week when the magazine was released.  there was a lovely event to announce the 40 and it was pretty fantastic to spend it with my sister, brother in law, and one of my best friends.  and i wore this.  and you can't go wrong when you wear betsey.

and i am surprised to see who has come out of the facebook woodwork to express their congratulations and well wishes.  i am not complaining in the slightest, but it has been slightly overwhelming, but very reassuring that there are a lot of people behind me even if i don't talk to them regularly.  and of course there are those people i do talk to regularly.  and they are pretty damn awesome.  including my youngest brother who told me that i sounded intelligent.  and well, there are very few reassurances stronger than that.

so, there you have it.  part of the reason for my silence lately.

29+7

i am a bit early this month, but i suspect i will have a rather busy 8 days before i leave for south africa with my mama, so i am updating my monthly goals before i head off.

1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  this has been easy this month and i am not quite sure why.  i have been rather busy and continue to feel stretched, but i am not worrying.  i am not panicking.  i am ok.  it's a nice change.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special occasions.  my little bro and i are going to see kooza, the cirque du soleil show in calgary at the moment, tomorrow to celebrate his 18th birthday (my little brother is an adult!).  and my first christmas gift (for giving, of course) arrived in the mail.  we celebrated my mom's birthday at our cabin at the beginning of the month and we were not scrambling to figure out who was going to get what, it was pleasant and a lot of fun.

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  seeing as flying to south africa and touring around the winelands and whale trail after a week in cape town is rather pricey, i think this might be it for this year!  but i have managed to get quite a bit of visiting with my dad in and that was a nice change this year.  still no trips to eastern canada or the states, but i am still committed to making those trips happen one day.  for now, i am satisfied with the time i will spend with friends in south africa and i might even get a chance to see the woman i lived with in bredasdorp, south africa over 5 years ago!

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  hmpf.  still no closer.  my one grand hope for my time in south africa is that i will take advantage of the distance from my regular life to get some clarity on what my next steps are.  i keep waiting for the universe to show me the best path, but i'd be lying if i didn't admit that i am getting a little impatient.  faith in the journey, faith in the journey...

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  i've been careful with my pennies lately.  this won't be enough to lay a nest egg, but it will allow me to enjoy my time in the southern hemisphere and know i will be coming back to get right back into my job(s), not only because i will have to catch up on 3 weeks away, but also so i can earn some money!

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals.  i certainly am not mastering this, but i did spend this past saturday canning pickled beets and salsa, yum.  i also made those meatballs last night that were a complete success and me and my slow cooker continue to get to know one another better.  i recently renewed my first aid certification, where i was reminded that we can all do something to improve our heart health and i can certainly eat less red meat (when did that happen?!) and make better food choices.

7 - sleep an appropriate amount.  success!  apart from this past weekend when i had 2 late nights, i have been doing well and feeling rested in the mornings and even making it into my office at a reasonable hour every now and again.  i am not appreciating the darker mornings as the seasons change and might feel differently about getting out of my cozy sheets in the morning as soon as it cools down and the mornings stay dark until after i arrive at work, but for now, i'll keep motoring along and when i get behind, take an in-the-bed, pants-off nap!

8 - maintain my priorities.  this has certainly been a struggle lately, with competing demands of 2 jobs, a volunteer commitment, and juggling social engagements and fitness.  i have found some sort of balance lately and i am not convinced it is permanent, but my decision to get a housekeeper and to say no to invitations from friends and family have helped for the time being.  again, when i return from south africa i am going to have to have a bit of an overhaul on the priority front and i am not sure just yet how the chips will fall.

9 - keep asking for what i want.  i can't really think of anything i have asked for lately.  oh wait, i have asked for some help and guidance on projects for work, which has been endlessly helpful and was instrumental in creating better balance this past month.  i walked away from work and put my worries away more than usual this past month and in a sense, that is a form of asking for what i want.  even if it is a conversation i have to have with myself.

i am still working on the first piece of this goal - figuring out what i want in order to know how and who to ask for it.  i have confidence this is coming down the pipeline.  as my mentor at work says, 'as soon as you feel you have no idea what to do next or where to turn, you can be sure that the universe is setting you up for something and you won't know it until you look back.'

i am feeling as though my goal updates are not that interesting or positive these past few months and in many ways, they match my ho-hum attitude.  i am going to work on keeping these a little closer to my thoughts throughout the next month and have something super fantastic to say in a few short weeks!

what a week!

monday - pretty average day, a decently productive smattering of work at my day job and a nice evening hanging out with a friend in town from overseas.  who is sort of in love with me.  but only just sort of.  i think.

tuesday - chair a monthly meeting on trafficking.  pick up a package at the post office of leg warmers and fingerless mitts from the lovely lady over at Yarn is My Metier, beautiful and so comfortable.  every girl needs a pair of leg warmers.  american idol watching with my neighbour/guy i dated a year ago.  a failed hill run - 8 hills turned into 4 miserable hills.

wednesday - teaching high school for the morning, which is almost as exhausting as teaching junior high school, but not quite.  the first screening of the film What Are We Doing Here? that went really well, including the panel discussion on aid to africa that i participated in.  i was proud to have addressed people's questions with intelligent answers.

thursday - drafting of a project proposal for funding to do my own research in the province.  the second screening of the documentary followed by another panel discussion, where i wasn't nearly as articulate as wednesday night's event.  beer and nachos with my ever supportive friends afterwards.

friday - a half day workshop on temporary foreign workers in alberta and the challenges and successes of the programme.  met the nephew of my nairobi chemist by chance in calgary.  handed out tonnes of my cards, networking, networking, networking.  running around the city getting wedding gifts and cards.  a gorgeous wedding with great people that ended with me and the best man shooting tequila at the bar.

saturday - a touch of the hang over.  catching up on adminstrative work for my evening/weekend job.  watching ufc fights, which i swore i would never do and will never do again - boring and disgusting at the same time.  an early night.

sunday - a good 12km run, but with frozen hands.  a hot bath.  some shopping.  sushi.  roast dinner with my parents and one bro (my other bro is in tanzania!).  traffic fines paid.

looking into the crystal ball

my girls and i had our monthly ladies' night last night and this time, to make it a little more interesting, we invited a psychic to join us and to do readings while we enjoyed our wine and tarts.  here is what she said:

• i should be a teacher or be teaching people, that is what i am here to do
• i will be moving to toronto in march or april and it will be for a job
• i try to be a master of whatever i choose to do
• i will likely go back to school to do a phd and this will be somewhere in eastern canada
• i might not have children because my life will revolve around my career and my husband
• my future is very positive
• my life will have many recurring patterns, a number of endings and beginnings
• my emotional health is good now and to keep it good, i should always exercise
• whoever i am meant to marry is in toronto and i am supposed to meet him next fall and it might be someone from my past, someone i have met a few years ago
• my brothers are going to be aok, even though one will experience various challenges, but he will just need us to let him know we care

and what do i think about all this stuff?  that much of what i heard made a lot of sense and makes me happy and excited about the future.  i think that i would like to have a family one day so i am doubtful that i would focus only on my career and not have children.  and i am not too sure what was going on with me marrying someone i already know because i really cannot think of someone i already know (unless of course we are talking about a certain someone that i met last week!) and the flip side of that is that i will meet someone next fall, but that just feels so far away!

going back to uni, getting a phd, and becoming a professor though?  absolutely!  i would love to and i think that being a form of a teacher or sharer of wisdom sounds like a good life plan for me.

a full two days

please forgive the cryptic list, but i had a fantastic weekend and included the following things, in no particular order and sometimes concurrently:

• a date at the farmer's market
• a drink with my parents and a catch up with their friends
• an exboyfriend siting
• a rip around town in a gorgeous bmw
• late night bottle of wine with a newer friend who i know will be a long time friend
• celebrating one of my oldest friend's birthday
• running into an old high school friend and it wasn't even awkward
• a massage that hurt it was so good
• chilling out with my bros
• brunch with 3 lovely ladies and delicious huevos rancheros made by hand from scratch
• covert actions to determine the source of missed calls
• a job application for a research position
• helping someone tame their crazy
• a gift of a small christmas tree and gorgeous roses
• confirmation that i have a table for 10 to fill for stephen lewis and jian ghomeshi
• text messages from former gentleman suitors

q: what makes a good day?

a: dinner with my family, who are funnier than anyone i know.  really.

a: praise and recognition from not one, but two, of my bosses.

a: two of my orders from etsy arrived in the mail today.

a: my mama's roast beef dinner.

a: so you think you can dance AND glee on tv in the same night (and i didn't even need to pvr them!).

a: a cheque arrived in the mail.  and who doesn't love cheques arriving?

a: two requests for dates.

all i can muster - another dang list

oh, what a day. it is nearly 1am and i am just finally unwinding. it would not be a bad idea for me to schedule in unwinding time regularly...

but hot damn, am i thrilled with the current weather in calgary! i am not typically one to talk a lot about the weather, but +30 degree forecasts for september 23rd? yes, please!

i feel like i have so much to say and i am doing all that i can to start typing a list of (somewhat) interesting points, because it just seems to be happening rather often around this here blog. but in the interest of me getting up and making it to work by at least 10 tomorrow morning, i present you with... a list.

• i was interviewed today by a local television network. and they are going to translate it into mandarin, which is sort of neat.
• i am going to be taking a 2 day course on social impact assessments courtesy of my job, which is fantastic and i am really looking forward to it as it is something that i feel will be most beneficial if i ever decide to return to the world of non-profits or international development
• my nest is getting nestier by the day. and thanks to my step-dad and brother, all my furniture has been brought up the stairs and into my space without any issues. i am also having 2 more pieces of furniture delivered tomorrow (which is my lucky lady deal of free delivery) and then the painting decisions will begin
• still no run in's with my next door neighbour so no opportunity to drop something to see if he picks it up (as i am sure you were all eagerly awaiting that update)
• grey's anatomy starts this week and although this isn't exactly my own update, you will soon stop having to read my musings on whether or not george dies (i am sure he dies) and whether or not izzy is going to live (she will, but her condition and quality of life will be questionable)
• i made my first 2 purchases from etsy.com the other day and am eagerly awaiting their arrival in the mail. i have found some pretty adorable stuff and some pretty awesome blogs from my time spent perusing etsy's delights and will be sharing them shortly
• i found out that stephen lewis is going to be the keynote speaker at an event here in november and i will do anything that i can to get myself in there, even if it means volunteering as the bathroom attendant. and to boot, jian ghomeshi will be the master of cermonies and i am pretty sure he would love me if he met me.
• i just realised that it is only tuesday (and not wednesday like i thought for most of today), which is great because i was really beginning to feel behind on the week there for awhile

and now that i have finished my well-deserved beer this evening, i am going to head to bed. and hopefully not dream about all that has to be done this week (repaint the exterior of a 3 story building, coordinate 80 volunteers, write and distribute meeting notes, kick someone out of a committee that is technically open to anyone, watch grey's anatomy, buy an extension cord so my tv can be plugged in to watch grey's anatomy, put together 2 more chairs, clean and iron and fold and sweep and dust and tidy and organise, etc - or as they say in kenya, ee tee cee, ee tee cee)

proudly supporting my little (big) bro

my little bro is going to go to tanzania at the end of this school year on a grade 12 trip and part of his responsibility before he leaves is to do some socially responsible activities in his own community. so he and my step dad have decided to do the AIDS walk this year here in calgary.

if you would like to support a 17 year old to get more involved in his community (and he is a pretty cool 17 year old, if my opinion counts), support the awareness raising efforts of organisations on HIV/AIDS, support organisations that assist those living with AIDS, or if you just want to donate money to a worthwhile cause, take a look here!

madly, deeply in love

i have fallen madly and deeply in love with my new nest. you might think that this is an impossibility (to be so in love with an inanimate object), but you would be wrong and here are the reasons why:

• i have a dishwasher! this probably does not come as a surprise to anyone in north america, but in any of the places i have ever lived on my own i have never had a dishwasher. and that is a lot of dishes to do by hand. here, i get excited when i have used up enough dishes to necessitate a wash (and it doesn't happen with only little ol me here)
• living by myself is amazing and i had forgotten how wonderful it really is. i can sleep with my door wide open, wander around in the nude looking for my dental floss, listen to music or talk on the phone as loudly as i like, and when i want it, the silence is just grand.
• i can see a grocery store, a liquor store, and 2 starbucks from my front door. really.
• although incredibly expensive, buying furniture for my nest is fun.
• having people over for meals is one of my favourite things. especially when they cook everything, bring it all over, defrost crave cupcakes for the occassion, drag along picnic blankets to sit on, and give me housewarming gifts that have my name written all over them. my friends are great.
• my fam helped me move my stuff in, wash all my new dishes, and christen my home by cheers-ing with ice-cold beer. my family is awesome.
• my to do list has grow exponentially. i love lists. and i love checking things off to do lists.
• baths on sunday mornings because you don't have a shower curtain yet are fine, just fine.
• i now live 5km away from my office. and my own home office is pretty swell too.
• spending a whack load of money on fine, german flatware is sort of like a big 'eat this!' to the universe. i love a substantial spoon. and i love that i can afford to buy own.

bruised, battered, and better for it

i’ve spent this weekend at the cabin and i am wondering how i lived in the years before having the option of heading down here for a weekend!

but first, the bruised and battered portion: i have managed to bruise both legs and both arms through either tubing and/or jumping out of and reboarding the boat after having some mid-lake pees while drinking cold beer in the hot, southern albertan sun. there was also a little sand in the bottom of the tube while i was in it and let’s just say it was a little abrasive on the cheeks!

laying in the sun, i worked my way through two issues of The Economist, began a new book that i am taking notes from i am enjoying it so much, and even managed to type up some work-related correspondence. i also got to chill out with my bros and parents and catch up with decades-long family friends.

funny isn’t it, that without the guilt of having to be doing something, i can get so much more done?! not having television, mobile phone coverage, or internet helps too.

anyone want to join me next weekend for another one?!

a busy week behind and ahead

here are some things i have to say:

• have you seen the movie The Boy in the Striped Pajamas? it is really good. i watched it with my bro and we agreed that it should be shown in high schools when they study the second world war and the holocaust. this movie is great and shows a side of the war that we haven't seen much of - a german soldier's family that lives near a concentration camp and from the perspective of a 10 year old boy.
• i bought my guidebook for san francisco and have started to read it. i cannot wait to get there! and the fact that i am going alone isn't so daunting when i think of all the places i'd like to see, the walking i would like to do, and the photos i would like to take (although anyone wishing to join me is more than welcome!)
• both my presentations went really well this week and i think i have a host of new friends resulting from them, which is great. i have 2 coffee dates with potential new friends coming up and another presentation at a high school next week.
• i slept for 15 hours yesterday and it was all because i had what i think is called a migraine. i have never had something like this before, but i am convinced the universe was trying to tell me something in making me stay in bed for so long. it was weird.
• i have 2 dates next week! and 2 more in the pipeline. it must be spring.
• i seem to have hurt my shoulder, the one that is lacking in the cartiledge department. blech. it feels like i should put it in a sling.
• my sis and i went for an 8km run last night and it was awesome. only 6km more and i can convince her to run around the glenmore reservoir with me (but no wrong turns this time!). my new shoes felt like pillows with great grips on them, which i am sure helped me up those hills.
• i am ready for the sass-travaganza in banff this weekend!

flames in 6

i had the opportunity to attend the first calgary flames home game of the playoffs in the third game of the first round of playoffs this past monday (thank you charlie!). it was awesome.

what made it so awesome was that i got to go with my brother, who was also rocking his skinny jeans, and that calgary won. it was a great game and i was totally impressed with the fans who did not boo during the american national anthem (as i had expected they would) and instead many actually sung along. it was nice to feel as though i was a part of something big and to see all the flaming black c's in the sea of red.

to fit in with the red, i actually had to run to jersey city on my way to the game to pick up a flames shirt (i know, this sort of makes me a bad fan, but what do i need a flames shirt for at any other time of the year? and my bro's jerseys are just far too large unless i belted them and wore tights).

what made the night not so nice was the belligerent and irritating fan sitting behind us who insisted on starting chants along the lines of 'suck my d*ck' and 'bull sh*t.' i think he missed the memo. the one that says that he should grow up and have some class. and that i will never give him a high 10, that one too.

the other elements of the night that i was not entirely impressed with were the boos directed towards the referees and linesmen as soon as they stepped on the ice (and then calgary fans wonder why we had crappy calls against our team during the first period...) and the stomach ache that i got immediately after eating a chocolate malt (i know, i know, when will i learn?).

go flames go!

it's all true

borrowed from this lady, here are 10 things about me that you may not have already known.

1 - most people are surprised to learn that by nature, i am an introvert and shy, sometimes painfully. although i do enjoy public speaking.

2 - things i love include writing, learning new cities, q tips, david suzuki, the smell of scotch tape, earl grey tea, chocolate fudge cake from nairobi java house, kofi annan, alberta beef, barack obama's smile, the smell of pine trees, music that almost makes you cry, going out for breakfast even though i don't like most breakfast foods, airports, novels, daytimers, creme brule, medium or dark roast black coffee, that feeling that you get two days after you've used your muscles, french red wine, tulips, buying clothes, and receiving mail both electronic and snail. that list is not exhaustive.

3 - i could tell my sister anything. while i wouldn't tell my brothers anything, i could be anyone or do anything with them.

4 - my recent love life reads like a soap opera drama. do you know anyone who actually went to an airport expecting someone to arrive only to find out they had never bought a ticket for the flight? well, now you do.

5 - i have really big feet for my size. i would quite like to trade them for a more user-friendly pair.

6 - i want to be famous. but not in the celebrity way. in the way that i am known for something. and i google myself regularly.

7 - my newest canadian hero is louise arbour. she will soon be the executive director of the International Crisis Group.

8 - i am neither a cat person nor a dog person, i am both. and i don't think you should have to choose between them. my dog has one eye and my cat sleeps on my bed every night. my brother says that although you are never supposed to talk about a girl's weight, my cat seems to have lost her waist line in recent years. that is also true.

9 - blueberries are my favourite berry.

10 - if i won the lottery, i would go back to uni and study my little heart out. i would also travel around the world, staying in the cheapest as well as the most luxurious hotels i could find. i'd drink san pelligrino exclusively and provide numerous microfinance loans to people in canada and abroad.

not bad, for a wednesday

yesterday, jana, ayer, hier:

• i ran in -11 degrees and hated every minute of it. it does not compare to this miserable run, but i sure felt the same way afterwards.
• i went on a date. i ate steak. i got a new mix cd. i had a glass of wine. it was really nice.
• i could not find any reasonably priced flights to vegas, so my plans of visiting sin city were thwarted. which is sort of ok because i just wanted a cheap getaway anyways.
• my little bro got knocked out in game 5 of a 5 game series.
• i collected the clothes i no longer wear to give to a refugee family who has recently moved to canada. (if you have any you would like to donate, contact me and i will get you the information to do the same).
• i continued to battle the congestion. which i am convinced is directly linked to dairy consumption. but i cannot imagine a life without mini eggs and cheese.
• a man offered me his seat on the train and before i could say 'no thank you,' he was up and i was sitting and then i felt a bit awkward for the rest of the journey.

today is a new day

today:

• the forecast high is -20 degrees. that is the high!
• i had the interview for the job in kenya and it went really well. it is nice to be interviewed by your former boss who knows you, better than i had anticipated, in fact.
• i set up dates with two gentleman callers.
• i will be registering for a 3 day course to help me do my job. i love the idea of going to classes to learn new things on someone else's dime.
• is a good day because i still have not taken off my winter boots and i like to judge the day on how long i can keep my cozy boots on before changing into work appropriate shoes.
• i met a nice engineer who did not speak in engineerspeak and who was very helpful.
• i am soliciting company for a potential vegas weekend minibreak in two weeks' time. any takers?!
• i wish my sister was home. i am happy for her that she is on her honeymoon, and no doubt having a great time, but i miss talking to her everyday.
• i could really use a glass of wine. and it is 3pm...
• i am going to watch my bro play in a playoff game and i am already nervous.

could i give up my shopping habit?

just when i thought my life was going to settle down and i was going to stay in one place for awhile, my former boss has asked if i want to be interviewed for a position in my old office (that same one that was mentioned in the book What is the What that i recently read that put thoughts in mind...) in kenya. the job would be better than the one i had when i was based in nairobi previously and one that i would enjoy, but am i ready to give up the luxuries of developed world living?

like having friends you've known for decades a phone call away, having a ladies' night once monthly with these women, eating dinner with my family regularly, having lattes with my sister, making oil and gas money, watching my brother's hockey games, catching matinees with my other brother, breakfasts with visitors from out of town, changing seasons, central heating, bad television at my fingertips, dependable public transit, my little dieter, my running routes free of rabid dogs and speeding trucks, and, i shamelessly admit, shopping?

yet, one of the biggest reasons i came home was a person who shall not be named and now that that is no longer an issue, i am just not sure what to do with myself. i had always planned on a career in international development and my favourite experiences and stories that i have come from the time i spent pursuing that.

the universe will just have to tell me what to do in this case. but until it is clear, i will keep my options open.

finding my spot

(may 16, 2008)

my little (big) brother does this thing when he is going to bed and he has done it as long as any of us can remember – he wiggles and fidgets and flops around until he finds ‘his spot’ before he can get to sleep. i guess it is something about finding that place in your bed where the sheets, duvet, and pillows align for the perfect combination of fluffliness, firmness, coziness, warmth, and coolness.

i think i am doing the same thing right now, but in a more metaphorical way. i am not the most confident person at the best of times in terms of what i have achieved and accomplished academically or professionally but lately i feel like perhaps i am still trying to find ‘my spot.’

i am good at a lot of things, but not great at any one thing and i think that i want to be. i want to be so passionate about something that i excel at it and become known for my knowledge and experience in that one area. maybe because the reality is hitting me that i am leaving my job and this field for the time being, but if i were to stay, i would join the ranks of people in the world who know a lot about human trafficking. there are not that many people who can be considered ‘experts’* on the topic and in some circles, i am considered just that. but a few more years of experience and exposure, i would probably feel confident that i am gathering expertise.**

but do i feel so strongly about it that i can continue to commit my career to it? i am not so sure. but are people who are really good at certain things really in love with those topics? i sort of doubt it. but i still like to think so.

i have a few ideas of what i could be that passionate about and i plan on exploring them in the near future. i just hope that i can find something, stick to it, and love what i do.

until then, i will continue wiggling, fidgeting, and flopping until i find my spot, however long it takes.

*although i hate that word and think it is thrown around at whim around here

**another word i hate

renewing the spirit with a new nest

(october 29, 2007)

whilst fighting some sort of flu that was focused on crippling me by way of my left kidney this past weekend, i managed to move to my new home, a lovely little nest surrounded by a forest in an older building that offers me more comfort and privacy than my previous domicile. but who knew i could collect so much stuff over a year? i guess it is always surprising when faced with the task of gathering up all your shit and packing it into any and all available vessels for the trek in the back of a truck. with the help of some lovely taxi drivers, some hired movers, a rented truck, and askaris new and old, i am here.

still not unpacked and living out of boxes, suitcases, reusable carrier bags (who knew those things from nakumatt would come in so handy?), and every backpack and laptop bag i own, but i am absolutely relishing in having my very own space. this morning i wandered around naked trying to look for my towels and slippers, i just had a bath with the door open, and i am right now listening to music that is probably too loud for 10:00pm but there is no one around to hear it. i could get very used to this, but it will be short lived as in order to make my new flat affordable and for me to continue to afford any semblance of a social life or nutritional diet, i will have to find a flatmate. but i am no hurry and will wait until i find someone who i feel confident that i could live with. i’ve put the word out, but have yet to have any serious interest, so it might be less my decision than the universe’s.

this past weekend i also, perhaps against my better judgement, ran a 10km race. well, it was supposed to be a 10km race but there is no way i ran 10km in 50 minutes so i suspect that it was between 8.5 and 9km (seriously kenya, mark the course!), but either way it was still a great way to spend an early sunday morning and i now have bragging rights of having run a race in kenya. with kenyans. i was utterly impressed with the marathoners, they were moving at a decent clip right from the beginning and observing their levels of body fat, stride, and stamina, i am sure they finished the race at the same speed.

not that i would know firsthand, as i stood true to my word and went out for a greasy breakfast immediately after the run, which seemed to enhance the feelings of flu and forced me to have a nap once i returned home. i rounded out my battle with the bug by eating tikka paneer for dinner at my favourite local indian restaurant. in consideration of my health, i did order it mild spice this time. but i still think it helped me to sweat out the influenza.

my spirit is feeling renewed in my new space and i intend on spending the next months as a bit of recluse, hanging out and settling in and making a home. reminding myself what i want and who i am. a bit existential there, but a little refocusing and centering seems like the right thing to do in this moment. saving money also seems like a wise idea. household expenses are adding up quickly and i have that trip home in december, which will inevitably involve a lot of shopping and christmas activities. only 43 days!

and although i will be posted this a day later than his actual birthday, happy 13th birthday h! if i was weirded out that my little big brother was turning 15, i am floored by the thought that my littlest big brother is now a teenager!

corn for food

(september 18, 2007)

happy birthday tay!

holy shite, my little brother is 15. and way taller than me.

i am catching up on my cbc podcasts and am listening to a fascinating piece on ethanol and the growth and use of corn. as much as husky would like canadians to believe that it is better for our environment if we use biofuels like ethanol, i really do not think that growing corn to be used as en energy source is a good idea and perhaps because i tend to look at these things from a global perspective. but as the difference in climate change and energy use is negligible it does not seem to be a fair trade off to drive up corn prices, effectively cutting out many buyers in the market who use corn to keep people alive, like the united nations world food programme (WFP) that cannot afford to buy corn to feed people in emergencies or refugee camps.

but that is just my simplified and off-the-cuff opinion on that.

i finally watched Garden State tonight and i give it a big Medium. an exboyfriend of mine once told me that i was like Natalie Portman’s character in the movie and i think that just goes to show you not how quirky i may be but how devastatingly normal he is. i like Zach Braff but was not as impressed as i felt i would be with this attempt at dark humour that he is normally great at. fabulous music and soundtrack though. have you seen The Last Kiss? a recommendation for sure.

now my podcast is telling me that canadian pot is 10 times as potent and half the price of american weed. and that canada has 4 times more marijuana users than any other western developed country. can you imagine what that dude from the Molson I Am Canadian commercials would say about that? it would be a funny advertisement. good podcast though. gotta love the cbc for covering a story from all angles.

i am working on my budget and it is almost complete and since this is the beginning of the year, as i see it, it is just in time to sort out my finances for the coming year. i love a budget. and i love excel. although it took me awhile to really fall madly and deeply in love with excel. it does so many neat things. and yes, calculations, sums, averages, exchange rates are all ‘neat.’

i can hear the imams at the mosques nearby as i type from my bed. it is a soothing sound.

mubarak ramadan.