pure ignorance

today, i am exhausted. like 3 lattes and a sugary sweet pastry to try and wake up tired. so tired, in fact, that i couldn't even muster the strength to argue (i mean, discuss) with a coworker today who told me that they do not vote and never will because they think anyone who runs for office is selfish. or their party is selfish.

but honestly, i might not have had the energy to tell this person they were wrong on a number of levels, but i sure do now and man, are they ever wrong!

it irritates me to no end when people paint all 'politicians' with the same brush and write them off as being liars, selfish, arrogant, ignorant, or altogether useless. the problem with that thinking (and there are many) is that while some of them quite possible are, it all comes down to just being an excuse for not getting off your own duff and casting a vote. or getting off your arse and reading a newspaper to figure out which party is which and who stands for what.

and as someone who has participated in the democratic system on a few different levels, i want to smack these people who cast off all those involved in politics in the forehead and tell them that like politicans or not, they still make the rules and still get a vote in parliament/legislature and those are rules that you and i have to live by, whether we like them or not. so you might as well put your ballot in the box and do that small part to participate in our democracy.

and don't even get me started on those who would die (and do) to live in a democracy like ours!!

if i ruled the world

i have had three 'run in's' lately in my jobs. and the phrase 'run in' is probably too harsh because there have been no disagreements or arguments, just situations where i want to shake sense into people so that they would do things my way thereby reducing challenges in the future.

situation 1 - there is a very eager woman who wishes to volunteer her time and energies into doing some work for a cause. we've discussed it and i know she fears that i am moving too slowly, but at the same time, my experience and my relations with law enforcement and knowledge of ethical principles of service provision makes me confident that she needs to slow down before doing unintentional damage. i have tried to explain this to her, but she just seems hellbent on moving forward.

situation 2 - i am involved in a philanthropic endeavour with my full time position and i have a colleague who i am working with on it who doesn't seem impressed that i am overcoming the initial challenges to open lines of communication and get things done. there is a chance that she feels it is her project, but i've been the one actually making things happen.

situation 3 - i am in the middle of a political fight at work. i am supposed to liaise between groups and to ensure processes are followed and implemented so that we don't open ourselves up to being sued or anyone taking legal action against us. but try convincing the people who are in the field that! cripes.

i know that i can be stubborn as all get out and that i like things to be done my way, but what happens when you genuinely believe that your way is the right way? on some things, i can take a step back and just allow the pieces to fall in time (as in situation 3), but sometimes i just wish people would listen to me so that they will stop creating more work for me!

blah. and sorry about the cryptic nature of this rather hum drum post, but even writing about work seems a bit sketchy so i am trying to keep it vague, making rather irritating reading, i am sure.

in other more positive thoughts, i am going to san francisco in 21 days!

engendered gobble gobble

(october 8, 2007)

instead of sitting around a warm and cozy house while the weather turns brisk and an autumn breeze blows the fallen leaves and there is the smell of a slow roasting turkey and pumpkin pie coming from the oven, i am working from home because of the clusterf*ck the move to our new offices has become while listening to the sounds of the manpower labouring in the vacant lot next to my flat that will inevitably result in yet another yellow-hued flat compound. as if our neighbourhood needs another one. i appreciate that it signals the economic development and success of the city (i won’t say country as the wealth in kenya is still concentrated in the cities), but it concerns me that in ten years, this neighbourhood will look like the 1970s-tastic buildings and design of downtown nairobi (and most other african capitals, as far as i can tell). oh well, c’est la vie.

and if my attitude is anything to on, i won’t be in the city for too much longer.

it is not that i am unhappy in kenya or nairobi, just a bit bored. and a bit uncertain about my career and personal future. in a good way i suppose, because i feel as though i have options. just a matter of which option would be the best. then again, none of those options really need to be explored at this time, i just like to plan. even if planning is grossly premature.

i think all these deep thoughts are the result of some exasperation about the field of international development and this country. i spent last week at a capacity building workshop on gender mainstreaming and i did learn a lot (and you better believe that THAT is going on my cv!) but i forget that other education systems are not as progressive (and yes, i do think that it is progressive) as in canada. if i have ever had trouble understanding something, i have always been able to ask my teachers and have been able to question the topics. we are taught to ask ‘why?’ as many times as it takes until we understand and i believe our educators are held to account because of this system. obviously, there are crappy teachers, professors, and instructors in canada as everywhere, but as learners, we feel we are entitled to accurate information and the teaching of it and are able to express out discontent if this is not afforded us.

in kenya, it is not like this at all. students are taught in very traditional manners and are
required to regurgitate this material through repetition and memorisation. i realise that this is a rather profound value judgement that i am making, but i think that canadians are raised to critical analyse information presented and that leaves us better able to process new information and recognise when information presented as fact is not so simple.

is this my western arrogant attitude coming through in its true colours? perhaps. but sometimes i do think that we do some things better. and education is one of them.

i was sending violent text messages to friends and the bf full of frustration and exasperation between last week’s sessions where the facilitators were clearly unfamiliar with the material they were presenting. it was all new to me and i was incredibly interested in it but i am afraid that i am still not entirely clear as it was often so muddled and rushed that i felt the facilitators were more concerned with looking good in front of the room and demonstrated their intellectual superiority than in acknowledging that their own comprehension of the tools and frameworks we were reviewing was incomplete.

hmpf.

here is hoping that this week is more inspiring and productive and that i can put my canadian education to use in reviewing the take-home materials i was given so i can ‘engender programming’ in my department and have some legitimate claim to understanding gender in development. failing that, i will take a vacation soon and am rather looking forward to getting out of the city.

but the lodge i stayed at was lovely and i met some interesting people who i hope to work with in the future. and like i said, you had better believe that this will go on my cv. gender expert? sure, sounds good to me.