knowing a thing or two

hello.  and welcome.  to the hundreds of people who have passed by my corner of the internet these past couple days.  i suppose i should have had this message up before, well, now.  but instead all those newcomers to my blog, thanks to a rather kind link from flotsam, see me whining about my life and being in a funk...

but (but!) here i am, trying not to be wah-wah-wahing for once in a bit of a while.

what a day i had.  it started off with a message that my slow cooker had arrived and was ready for pick up. and a day that starts off like that is bound to be a good one.  what is better is that my slow cooker was free (remember that laptop i bought?  i put it on my credit card and earned enough points to order a slow cooker!) and that it matches the rest of my kitchen appliances, which pleases my obsessive sensibilities.

i began my workday at noon (because i can!) and headed to a townhall meeting with some of the executive of our company and was thrilled that some of my work was not only mentioned in the quarterly update, but praised as good company practice.

but that is not all.  i was mildly dreading heading to yet another meeting with an organisation that i volunteer with after my shortened workday, but was again pleasantly surprised to find that i was regarded as an expert and advisor to a locally based international foundation.  this was all well and good, however, until i had a one-on-one conversation about an upcoming initiative that i not-so-affectionately called voluntourism-lite.

the same qualities of voluntourism are apparent: the focus put on the travellers' experience, no lasting impact or clear outputs of the visit, short term stays in communities, and time and energy put out by the host organisation that is likely motivated by a desire to show that they really are a great organisation doing really good work (a sort of self preservation and marketing to the foreign visitors).

i got in quite a heated discussion about this and i just kept coming back to the question of why?  why is this happening?  to try and head off those who would otherwise seek out a true voluntourism experience and offer them something a little less corrupt and possibly more meaningful?  but that is not what a foundation should be doing.  a bad idea remains a bad idea.

and why is it so hard for people to accept my opinion that if you want to go to africa, go on a wicked vacation full of beaches, safaris, museums, and sights?  there is no requirement that you visit a slum, an orphanage, or a hospital to make it worthwhile.  we don't expect tourists to canada to visit our poorest communities or our underdeveloped first nations reserves so why do we expect canadians to do similar things on their holidays abroad?  and doesn't this continue to perpetuate the same stereotypes that africa is nothing but a continent full of dirty, black kids with flies around their eyes?  and (and!) offering such a programme doesn't acknowledge that many middle and upper class residents of africans don't feel compelled to visit those communities in their backyard, so why would canadians?  and, more than anything, what right do they have to go sniffing around in someone else's backyard?  and again, for what purpose?

eesh.  the whole conversation just made me want to bang my head against a wall.  but (but!), it did make me feel good in the sense that i actually know a thing or two about this and i felt strong enough in my opinions to express them and stand by them.  and that i can make some things better, just by being a part of them even if they frustrate me at times.

and that, along with today's positive feedback, has made me feel as though the wobbly moment might almost (dare i say it?!) be coming to a close.

Little Bee lacks authenticity

over the easter long weekend, i read the book Little Bee by Chris Cleave. the subject matter, a nigerian asylum seeker struggles in the uk, would be intimately interesting to me considering my work in migration, my life in the uk, and my general love for things african and/or refugee.

and it was a good story, drawing attention to the struggles in nigeria over rights to oil deposits and the challenge to survive in migrant detention centres and in a foreign society with little to no resources.

however, i am not so sure that the author is deserving of the accolades for this book (shortlisted for the costa award for best novel in the uk) because i think it overly simplifies the storyline and its characters. someone gets their finger chopped off on a beach whilst vacationing in nigeria with their husband and then runs from the rebels back to their compound? i am not saying that it could never happen, but just throwing an incident into the story and not digging deeper left the story a little flat for me.

there is an interesting interview with the author where i think he makes a better case for bringing the issues of detaining irregular (not illegal) migrants indefinitely and in inhumane conditions to the public than he does in his book and is worth a read.

although even in this interview he completely misuses the words refugee and asylum seeker and although i realise that to most people, the differences are moot, if you are going to write an entire novel on the topic, you should get the terminology correct. the main character, little bee, is not a refugee and is instead an asylum seeker. asylum seekers are not inherently victims of anything, hence the word 'seeker' included in the phrase. they are asking to be allowed to stay on humanitarian grounds, but have not been given formal leave to do so yet.

i took slight offence to the assumption that little bee could not return to nigeria and that the british system would detain an unaccompanied minor in her situation. i am not saying these things do not happen, but i do know there are many programmes for unaccompanied minors and there are guidelines on how to handle such cases. in fact, i was involved in one such case of unaccompanied kenyan children in europe and they were not detained, not mistreated, and not forced to go anywhere that was unsafe. (but i get that this happens, i just wish there had been more information given to make the issues clear).

there are literally thousands of stories that could be told about migrants' experiences in the uk and i would most likely purchase and read any of them that are published, but i suppose i have pretty high expectations of authors who wish to tackle such an issue so personal to me. unfortunately, this book did not meet those expectations.

finding my spot

(may 16, 2008)

my little (big) brother does this thing when he is going to bed and he has done it as long as any of us can remember – he wiggles and fidgets and flops around until he finds ‘his spot’ before he can get to sleep. i guess it is something about finding that place in your bed where the sheets, duvet, and pillows align for the perfect combination of fluffliness, firmness, coziness, warmth, and coolness.

i think i am doing the same thing right now, but in a more metaphorical way. i am not the most confident person at the best of times in terms of what i have achieved and accomplished academically or professionally but lately i feel like perhaps i am still trying to find ‘my spot.’

i am good at a lot of things, but not great at any one thing and i think that i want to be. i want to be so passionate about something that i excel at it and become known for my knowledge and experience in that one area. maybe because the reality is hitting me that i am leaving my job and this field for the time being, but if i were to stay, i would join the ranks of people in the world who know a lot about human trafficking. there are not that many people who can be considered ‘experts’* on the topic and in some circles, i am considered just that. but a few more years of experience and exposure, i would probably feel confident that i am gathering expertise.**

but do i feel so strongly about it that i can continue to commit my career to it? i am not so sure. but are people who are really good at certain things really in love with those topics? i sort of doubt it. but i still like to think so.

i have a few ideas of what i could be that passionate about and i plan on exploring them in the near future. i just hope that i can find something, stick to it, and love what i do.

until then, i will continue wiggling, fidgeting, and flopping until i find my spot, however long it takes.

*although i hate that word and think it is thrown around at whim around here

**another word i hate