vietnam is beautiful

29 + 3 - what a month!

1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  still kicking anxiety's arse.  mostly through a lot of self talk, taming the crazy, and talking it out with good friends when i feel anxiety rearing its ugly head.  and no more meds, yippee.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special events, days, occasions. a found out a friend who was recently married was just broken into and they lost most of what they received at their wedding.  i didn't know what to do, so i sent her some flowers.  i realise this is as much about me as it was about her, but it made her day and it made me smile.  i also sent a friend a book that i think he'd enjoy and to ease the sting of having to miss mama's day, i put a card in the post before i left.  i'd say for one month, that was pretty good.

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  imagine me, sitting on a boat, alone, in the middle of halong bay in vietnam, sorting out my priorities and my 6 month plan.  imagine me thinking to myself, 'no more international travel for 6 months because you must save money.'  then imagine me getting home to an invitation to attend my friend's wedding in south africa in october!!  i obviously had to say yes and then i had to follow that up with an affirmative answer when she asked me to be a bridesmaid!  i am rather looking forward to it and although this is not exactly what i planned during my vietnamese goal setting session, it does allow me another chance to meet my goals for the year!

and i am heading to vancouver island this weekend for some sea kayaking, some wine drinking, and some family visiting, yay!

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  see #3 on the goal setting.  part of why i wanted to stop travelling so much for the next 6 months is so that i could save my pennies in preparation to pursue international work in 2011.  as i am keen to work on short term contracts on emergency response as a protection officer, i can't very well predict the next haiti or when darfur needs additional support in the protection department.  i also don't know if anyone will want me (although they did want me in haiti last week... until they realised i don't speak french) so i need to built a nest egg to cover my regular expenses in case i do not find something as soon as i start looking.

my trip to south africa might change my timeline or i might just keep it the same and make a bigger crunch in my spending, we shall see.

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  still failing.  trips to vietnam and south africa are mostly getting in the way of this.  and the fact that we are just coming out of tax season and corporate taxes are a pain in my behind and are denting my bank account.

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals.  still not doing so well, but it is tough to stock your fridge with groceries when you are not in your nest for more than two weeks at a time!  i am making healthier choices (except for that night last week where i had chocolate cake for dinner and that other night when i was still so hungover from the night before that i ordered pizza and was mildly ashamed that they now have my address on file).

7 - sleep an appropriate amount.  napping is sort of my new hobby.  it started with the jet lag, was prolonged with copious wine drinking, and is maintained with early, productive mornings.  so it is not so bad and i am feeling rather rested when i am awake, it is just that my sleeping hours are a bit of a hot mess.

8 - maintain my priorities.  as mentioned, my alone time in vietnam was great and so was the training i was on in thailand because it allowed me to step back from the life i am currently leading and evaluate a few things.  namely, whether or not i am happy and content where i am, whether or not my jobs are fulfilling, and what i have to do now to set me up for success in my future endeavours. 

the outcome of all this thinking was that i need to save money in the coming months and i need to continue plugging away in my current jobs to build a good foundation for future employment and my nest egg.  i was also feeling as though i had lost my life/work balance in the weeks leading up to my trip to vietnam and it was a reminder that it is not the work itself that was creeping into my personal life, but the worries and frustrations.  and these were mostly coming from my trafficking-related work.  and volunteers.  and managing the crazy people who want to start their own ngos.  and the crazies who take the opportunity to yell at me during events.  you can imagine that it became rather taxing on my patience.

i returned to calgary feeling refreshed and ready to jump into spring and summer with the intention of taking full advantage of my current location and spending time at the cabin, running, and getting out more.  but the instant i turned on my work blackberry, i realised this would not be as easy as i imagined.  and it hasn't been.  i am largely back to juggling competing demands on my time and scheduling fun.  it had better not all been for naught though and i will keep working to find that elusive balance between my friends, my family, my corporate job, my non-profit job, my health, my running, my neglected nest, etc.

9 - keep asking for what i want.  there hasn't been anything i have asked for recently, perhaps i should change this!

unless, asking for help to do my trafficking job better by finding a dedicated volunteer to take on a portion of what i have been trying to stay on top of, but have let slip.  doesn't sound like much, but it is for someone who isn't in the habit of asking for help in that type of stuff!

buckling up

i am back from a wonderful trip where i had a lot of learning, a lot of solo adventuring, and a hell of a lot of thinking.

and i came back to emails saying that i had better get my cape on as i have to hit the ground running at my day job.  blech, this was not what i had in mind after all of my preparing and goal setting.

my day job hasn't really required much of me since i started there a year and a half ago, but i suspect that this is all about to change and i am not sure that i am ready for it.

i guess it does mean that i have worked myself out of any concerns that i would get the lay off or be the one called upon last due to lack of experience in the private sector.

a few days in hanoi

it is tough to compare saigon and hanoi as two vietnamese cities because they are quite different.  i am glad that i was able to see them both and i think that in terms of a place to live, i would prefer saigon, but as a place to visit, i prefer hanoi.

and why is that?  the streets of the old quarter in hanoi are just a wonder to wander around, watching and listening and shopping.  really, the shopping is pretty fantastic.  but if you insist on a little culture (and you well should in such a great city!), there are some other things that will keep your attention.

i checked out ho chi minh's mausoleum and wasn't terribly disappointed when it was closed at 10:30am and i didn't have to stand in the winding queue of mostly vietnamese people waiting to see their national hero and former leader's body.  seeing the complex where the mausoleum is was pretty interesting though and for some reason, the canadian embassy is right across the street from it, strange.

it appears as though all the government buildings are painted yellow and the presidential palace is no exception.  all french colonial in architecture, they are quite stunning, but not open to the public.

the best way to get around the city is by moto, if you are not squeamish about riding around on the back of a motorbike/scooter (the drivers always insist you wear a helmet as they want to avoid the fine) and they rarely go very fast and the drivers also tend to be a wealth of information about the city and its sights (as information is pretty sparse on the ground).  it is also a great way to cool off in the middle of a hot, humid day, which is exactly what i did when i headed out to the temple of literature, which is a complex of tradition vietnamese buildings and pagodas that are set up for tourists and to preserve the tortise sculptures that are rubbed for luck by students when they have exams.

in the middle of one of the lakes in the centre of hanoi is the ngac son temple, a picturesque island where i watched men play chess surrounded by the smell of incense (which i don't particularly like, but it does add a certain ambiance!).

i spent a lot of my time getting lost and then unlost in the streets of hanoi and happened upon a number of photo opportunities (coming on facebook, i promise), ice coffees, and things that i thought it best if i bought.  one of my favourite shops was nagu and lucky for me, was right outside the doors of my hotel.

and if you stay in hanoi, i must insist that you also stay at the same hotel that i did.  i cannot recommend cinnamon hotel enough.  wonderful service, decent coffee, wine racks in the rooms, free wifi, fantastic location right across from st joseph's cathedral, and complimentary foot massages for their guests!

cruise halong

things i did in halong bay

• ate squid, shrimp, crab, scallops, and fish caught fresh fromt he waters on which i sailed.  it doesn't get any tastier than that.
• on the topic of food, i ate all my meals with a chinese family who were wonderfully pleasant.  my western manners had to take a back seat amongst all the slurping, chewing, and burping though.
• more with the food (it really was very memorable!), our chef created table decorations out of food each night that we were encouraged to take photos of.
• i sipped countless iced coffees and halida and tiger beers on the top deck of our boat, the lagoon explorer.
• visited a photogenic fishing village of 40 families and 150 people who live, work, go to school, and play on the water.
• when i asked why there were so many dogs in the floating village and if they were for protection, the guide told me that they were pets and 'sometimes for eating.'  well, of course, thinks the silly white girl.
• had a great guide (clad in his Ramani shirt) who wasn't pushy, wasn't trying to be my friend, and who studied tourism at the uni in hanoi.  very professional.
• kayaked amongst the karsts and had a few thoughts of being all absolutely alone in the bay and how rare you get to have that experience.  i wasn't panicked or worried, just calm.
• took a tonne of photos.  even took my camera off the green idiot box setting and played around with what i learned in my photography course.
• thought and thought and thought and managed to set some goals for my future.  i've already set some pretty concrete goals for my 29th year, but i really didn't know where i wanted to be in the future.  i am still not 100% sure, but i have a better idea.
• got a titch of a sunburn on my shoulders and legs.  i broke the cardinal skin care rule - put sunscreen on even if it is overcast!
• slept soundly for 2 nights in my cabin as the gentle rocking kept me asleep and i woke up to the birdsong outside my open cabin window.
• i learned and observed how squid are caught and touched them when they were still alive to watch them release their ink.
• did i mention the food?!  my favs were the shrimp, tomato, and mushroom soup, the egg fried rice, the fish, the BBQed shrimp, and the pumpkin soup.  oh, and the crab, which the waitor needed to help me with as he expertly ripped the shell off it in one fluid motion.  i'm not sure if this is typical vietnamese cuisin, but my suspicion is that it is luxury vietnamese food because i can't imagine anyone eating that amount of protein unless you've signed up to the atkins philosophy of weight loss (and heart disease).
• collected fabulous shells, much larger than i've seen elsewhere.  i rinsed them in my bathroom sink to make sure i'm not bringing any critters back with me.
• crawled around a cave where 'foreigners' had broken off stalagtites (or mites?) to make into decorations to sell before the area was declared a UNESCO world heritage site, but the cave was still pretty neat and outside there were wild orchids growing and friendly dogs that i couldn't imagine eating!

read it!

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

this book felt dark from the outset, which i don't normally fancy, btu i kept with it as there were so many mysteries to unfold through the pages and my interest was peaked.

as the story reveals itself slowly, the book speaks to the beauty of stories, how everyone has a story, and how the telling of stories is utterly important to how they are understood.

this particular story involves a british best-selling author, the moors of yorkshire, and a booksellers' daughter.

but as the book says, the characters and the setting are not what make a story compelling.  it is how they come together and how the storyteller reveals the connections, which are, of course, closer than first thought.

the history of a family is the centre of the book and it is fascinating with its abnormalities, oddities, and uncommon composition.  moreover, it is the relationship between two twins that is examined and what happens when pieces of a family are missing or details are unknown.

my one criticism of this particular story is that a few times it was so clearly obvious what was coming or what a connection was, but the author assumed the reader wasn't aware, which became a bit tiresome.

but it is a good story and certainly worth reading.  especially if you do it on the top deck of a chinese junk on halong bay in vietnam!

what to do in ho chi minh city

this should really be called 'what i did in ho chi minh city' because all i can comment on is what i saw and did in my short time in the city.

but here goes nothing.

i visited reunification palace, where i joined an hour long tour that provided little more information than you could read on the placards, but it did give some context to the giant building and why it is important.  it used to be the presidential palace before the south lost the war and now it is a big, rather empty building showing the president's old stuff.  i am not quite sure if the communist guidebook outlines how to make museums really empty and less interesting than they could be, but cuba and vietnam seem to have been forming the same interpretation.

more interesting, as museums go, but not any more coherent and a hell of a lot more biased, is the war remnants museum.  where you can learn that all the atrocities committed during the vietnam war (or american war, as it called in these parts) were the americans' fault.  you can also learn that much of the world supported the north's struggle against the americans and that the north was innocent of war crimes.  i cannot imagine what it would be like to be an american in that museum.  but bill clinton visited hanoi a few years back so all is well between the two former enemies, i guess.

i shopped at a few great little spots in the dong khoi area, stopped for a pedicure and a foot massage (that miraculously included a head, back, and shoulder massage) after a long day's walking around the streets,  and i browsed the crammed rows of stalls at the ben thanh market, where there are knock-offs, t shirts, food stuffs, and knick knacks galore.

i popped into the notre dame cathedral during sunday morning mass and marvelled at the old post office next door and smiled at the hundreds of moto drivers hanging out outside of the church, waiting for their clients.

after hiring a cyclo driver, i risked my life on wild roundabouts with motorised vehicles to get to the jade emperor pagoda, where apparently it must be lucky to buy and then release baby turtles into the pond outside because there are thousands of turtles living in rather cramped conditions.

a few times a day, i enjoyed an iced coffee, sometimes black and sometimes with milk.  these things are truly amazing.

most of my time was spent wandering the streets with my camera and trying not to stare at the women selling anything and everything on the streets, wearing pointy straw hats, and facemasks or the motorbikes driving by me with trees, huge televisions, or entire families on them.

although i am really enjoying moving at my own pace and making all the decisions on what to see, do, eat, and drink, there have been so many times where i have wanted to turn to someone beside and make a comment about something i had seen in the city.  i suppose that is the trade off for travelling alone.  or planning a trip in two weeks and not being able to coerce anyone into joining me!

saigon, if you prefer

i have been in vietnam for two days and already i have seen more motorbikes in those two days than i have seen in all my 29 years put together.  and somehow, i have managed not to get hit by one, even when crossing eight lanes of traffic.  and how do i remember that there were eight lanes of traffic?  i thought to myself, 'pay attention to how many lanes you are in the middle of right now, because i have no other idea how to describe the craziness of crossing this street but by describing the number of lanes for perspective.'  or something like that.

my first thoughts on ho chi minh city?  why did they decide to rename the city hcmc and then continue to call everything in it saigon?!  my second thoughts were that the vietnamese people i met seemed really considerate and helpful.  apart from the taxi driver that ripped me off at the airport...  i am not sure that i wasn't expecting this, but it was just nice that people smiled back when you smiled at them.

an aside, i am really thirsty right now so i am having a coke out of the mini bar in my hotel and how on earth do people drink this stuff regularly when your teeth get so damn fuzzy and sticky??

back to my thoughts on ho chi minh city (or saigon, if you prefer).  this place is a shoppers dream.  if you are a shopper who loves clothes, like me.  and a shopper who loves knock offs, not so like me, but i can be tempted.  i was contemplating a pair of pink shorts (because who needs a pair of pink shorts?) when i did the calculation on my iphone and realised that they were $15 so instead of wondering about the pink pair, i picked up a purple pair too.  you just never know when you are going to need a pair of purple shorts.

and speaking of money, i am constantly bewildered with the denomination of the currency, the dong.  today i spent 1 million dong in one store and that came to about $50.  i have almost overpaid people after bargaining them down, had to whip out my phone during the bargaining process to figure out what 450,000 dong is worth in dollars, and have given someone a bill equalling $.25 for payment of something much more expensive.

now if you find yourself in ho chi minh city (or saigon, if you prefer), i must wholeheartedly recommend staying at the indochine hotel.  the room was pretty plain, the lighting was awful, and i had a view of a dillapitated building, but the service was so fantastic that i would stay there again in a heartbeat.  the best part was that it was entirely central and after two days, i felt as though i had the chance to see everything that i wanted to see and they had free and fast wifi.

bullets kill in many ways, apparently

things i really like about the past week:

• sorting out my vietnamese visa (this might be a bit premature as i am hoping what i have tried will work)
• having 10 committed volunteers put on a flawless event to raise awareness about our organisation and human trafficking
• a 20km run
• time off last night to get a cheap and cheerful pedicure as i plan on wearing a lot of sandals very soon
• my herb garden sprouting 10 sprouts
• being interviewed by cbc radio
• the new plants & animals cd
• dinner and drinks with two girls that laugh at my jokes
• tim finally got voted off american idol.  finally.
• ironing to destress
• a new white cardigan, which i call an INVESTMENT
• having a contact in pattaya AND the hotel i will be staying in in pattaya

things i could've done without:

• the verbal attack directed towards me by someone at the event who was clearly misinformed and out of turn (she later apologised and acknowledged we knew what we were doing)
• the 1 review of the event that personally attacked me (apparently i now have enemies) out of about 50
• meetings where people talked over one another
• other meetings that lacked leadership
• stubbing my toe really hard on my suitcase (which illicited fears that my 20km run was not going to happen due to a broken toe) and then whacking my elbow really hard on the corner of my wall (which just really hurt)
• arrogant people who affiliate themselves with international development causes and then act all high and mighty as if they know everything
• grenade attacks in bangkok that killed 3 people
• yesterday's work-related anxiety
• today's tax-related anxiety
• tomorrow's packing-related anxiety (ok, a bit premature here, but i know it is coming!)

29 + 2

a few days early, but i wanted to reflect on the work to my goals for 2010 before i jet off again this weekend.

1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  april has been a good month.  a really busy month, but as far as anxiety is concerned, a good month.  it probably helped that any anxiety felt was because i was utterly swamped with life and work and that type of stress can be overwhelming, but i have always had an easier time dealing with this type than anxiety coming from uncertainty, emotional turmoil, or the feelings i get when i feel stagnant.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special events, days, occassions.  i haven't done anything particularly effective in april towards this, but have plans to prepare thank you cards and give a good friend who just ran the boston marathon a card to congratulate her on that incredible accomplishment.  this goal is most important and timely as i had 10 committed and hardworking volunteers who made the screening of call + response yesterday a success!

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  i am booked to visit my papa on vancouver island in june and in an unexpected twist of events, i will be meeting up with and appreciating the hospitality of a friend in vietnam.  i had seriously considered a trip to chicago, but unfortunately, that will have to be put off for the time being as i don't know that i will still have a job if i don't show up for more than 2 consecutive weeks at a time!

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  nothing nailed down, but this course that i am going on in thailand will certainly open doors and help me solidify if i want to work in emergency situations again (i think i do) and i am really looking forward to meeting the other participants and the facilitators and learning from them and making more connections.

my day job is also gearing up lately and although it is not necessarily exactly what i would like to be doing in years to come, i continue to get more work and opportunities so i am happy to stick it out and have it pay the bills for a little while longer.

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  failing.  utterly failing.  but should be meeting with my accountant to sort out my taxes before i leave the country again.  but apparently, international travel is not cheap!  but i promise to get on that nest egg as soon as i get back home.  really, i mean it this time.  this means no more shopping for dresses or eating out at delicious spots or pretty things for my nest.  for awhile.

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals.  i am getting better at this, especially because i have been cooking more often and then eating my leftovers (even for lunch a few times to save my pennies!) so i always have decent food at hand.  i also have been more careful of what i eat the evening before big runs and immediately before a run.  this past weekend i ran 20km and was absolutely starving by 16km though so i still have some more to learn about how to fuel my body properly.

and it pays to mention here that i loved the food in mexico, as i had expected after being away from the country for a few years.  guacamole, pico de gallo, chilaquiles, machaca, oaxacan cheese!

7 - sleep an appropriate amount.  it was great to sleep in mexico (although in a rather uncomfortable bed) and not have to get up to head to work or out for an early morning run.  since i returned, however, i have been sleeping enough (well, barely), but not very restfully.  i have been having dreams about what i have to do the next day and am having some anxiety in my sleep!  not quite like dreaming in bollywood, is it?

8 - maintain my priorities.  wow, this month gave me a run for my money in the priority department.  sadly, i let my running go this past week as i gathered up all the stuff for the event yesterday and picked up deliveries from the bus station, and organised volunteers.  in this same week, i had my car serviced,  lost and found my wallet, attended the volunteer calgary awards (even though we did not win), baked my boss cookies for his birthday, went out for a lovely dinner at san remo (yum!), did an interview with the cbc, went for another dinner at una (yum!) and 3 bottles of wine with my girlfriends, and managed to tidy my nest and do a lot of laundry.  it was a struggle, but i think i managed my time well and was careful not to make too many additional commitments over and above what i was capable of (apart from the cookies, that was excessive, but i need favours as i am taking time off again!)

i am hoping that i can have some more much needed downtime (i know, i know, i just got back from a week in mexico with my family...) in vietnam.  oh, did i mention i am going to vietnam?  well, i am!  a little add-on vacation after my time in thailand, which i am very excited and a little nervous about.

9 - keep asking for what i want.  i am going to thailand!  to stay in a 5 star hotel!  i was supposed to go to bangkok for the training that i mentioned last month, but they changed it to pattaya after the grenade attacks in bangkok last week.  i was a little disappointed as i really like bangkok and was looking forward to doing some shopping in my favourite districts, but i will just have to explore a new city instead.  one that just happens to be on the beach!
 
all of this came from applying to be included in this training, so i think that asking for what i want is paying off!  i also had to ask for time off (although as i am a contractor, no one can really say no) and that wasn't much fun, but had to be done.  next up, ask my volunteers to plan another kick ass event!

what's my middle name?

how was mexico, you might ask?

it was fantastic!  i have lots of great photos to post, which i will likely put on facebook, and a few hilarious stories to tell, but it seems that as soon as my plane touched down last saturday, i have been running at full tilt.

one of my pet peeves is when people talk about how busy they are.  and i am as guilty of it as the next person.  i also thought that my life would be able to slow down just a titch once i returned from mexico and this weekend's film screening is out of the way.

but no.  oh, no, no, no.

then this training opportunity in thailand came up (which is still a big, old yay), i decided to go to vietnam after the training, and i have become some sort of 'right hand man' to my boss at my day job.  i am not sure how any of this happened.

except the part where i thought, 'wait, i am going to be in thailand, which is ever-so-relatively-close to vietnam, where i have always wanted to go AND i have a friend living in northern vietnam right now.  is that not sort of like a sign from the universe that i must go?'  and i quickly answered my own rhetorical question by booking my return flight nearly 2 weeks after the conclusion of the training...

in the midst of finalising the details of this saturday's event, i am now up to my eyeballs in meetings with people from all over the company during the days, i am living in an absolutely pigsty because my house is a tip, and i have no idea a) how much i owe in taxes or b) how exactly to figure this out if my accountant doesn't return my phone calls.

but 2 of my herbs in my herb garden have sprouted!  and even though the training location has had to be relocated outside of bangkok due to those protests, they assure me that the possible venues are 'very attractive' and i booked my first night's stay at bangkok airport in a hotel that has 24 hour massage facilities.  and although i am sure they would hook me up with that kind of massage if i requested, i am sure i can get me a nice (and legitimate) rubdown in the middle of the night as i will be jetlagged and wide awake at 4am.

unfortunately, this trip will mean that i will miss the first of 2 half marathons that i am registered in and my fitness will certainly take a hit from not running for 2 weeks.  but in exchange, i will receive an incredible networking opportunity, excellent training, a week in some swank hotel in a beach town, and then 10 days in vietnam.  there will be other races.