59 4-letter words

(january 8, 2007)

i should have known that today would be a crumby day after the way it started. i was running late and as i hurried out of the house with my go-mug and two pieces of toast in my hands, i managed to get jam on my sweater sleeve and almost drop my armload of stuff. and when you swear more than 3 times before leaving the front door, it’s a given that the day will most certainly suck.

and it did.

not for any particular reason. just one of those days where thoughts of your own future evolve into a downward spiral of stress, frustration, and discontent. where no one can convince you otherwise and you just need to be stuck there for awhile. i think i have managed to climb out of the funk enough to see a bit more clearly. i think the two cups of tea helped. tea always helps to make sense of a difficult situation.

you know what would help more? 2-5 years of work experience. but not just any work experience of course, but specific kinds that i do not have. i could suck it up and put more time in and gain this elusive experience but i don’t really know where exactly i would do this or if it would get me any closer to working in the area of development that i would most enjoy. mostly because i have no idea what area that would be. i have some ideas, but nothing solid enough as to be the foundation of decisions on where to live, where to work, or what on earth to do next.

i know, i know. it will all work out. and you just have to get your foot in the door. and it is who you know. and be patient. blah, blah, blah. i am sure it is all true but it is the sort of advice that says ‘hurry up and wait’ and doesn’t give you anything to work with.

at the risk of sounding overly melodramatic – does it get any easier?