questions i have asked myself recently

• will anyone know that it was me that set the fire alarm off at 11:15pm by cooking beef bourguinon?  followed a few days later with: who the hell is cooking at 2am and set the damn fire alarm off when i was sleeping?!
• what does a life coach do and do i need one?
• how do you pay a speeding ticket that you seem to have lost?
• who would ever buy this or this?
• what do i want to be when i grow up?
• what will i feed my dad for 5 days when he stays with me?
• will i be selected to attend a gbv training in new york city?  and, please pick me (which is not really a question, but i am just putting it out there).
• will i be able to get a taxi after tonight's christmas party?
• should i put a pair of flats in my purse in case my feet start to hurt?
• if i bring a pair of flats but still manage to fall on someone's boss' table, can i really blame my sore feet and high heels for it if i am wearing flats?
• why don't i know many eligible bachelors in this city to set my amazing female friends up with?
• how will i decorate my office/spare bedroom now that i have a sofa bed?
• is Last Christmas by Wham! the best christmas song ever?  (the answer is yes).
• should i keep my bangs down or swept to the side?  should i stop cutting them myself?
• how do i stop people from wanting to start their own ngos to combat human trafficking in cambodia?  (i am taking suggestions on this one).
• why do i have a blog and why haven't i been writing much lately?

29 + 2

1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  after a challenging month in february, i managed to do quite well in march on the anxiety front.  not much new to report apart from learning more about how to manage anxiety medicinally and risks involved in doing so.  i also learned that my life will likely never slow down to a pace where there is not something i won't be even just slightly anxious about, and god help me if it did.  i like being busy, i don't like being overwhelmed.  ebbs and flows.  such is life.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special events, days, occassions.  i wanted to find a most meaningful and thoughtful gift for the wedding that i went to last weekend, but i ended up with a gift card, which did not meet either of my criteria.  but i have recently ordered a book online to give to a friend who i know will enjoy it and i have another little something waiting in my home office to be popped into the post.  slow and steady will win this race.

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  my trip to visit my dad on vancouver island is all but booked and in that short hop over to bc i am also hoping to see a cousin.  i am making headway into plans to visit dc this summer, but that will also depend on others' schedules.  i have a standing invitation to visit israel that i could possibly take up, but for now, i am going to focus a little closer to home.  or at least stick to my own continent.

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  as i mentioned here yesterday, i have been a networking machine lately and the nice thing about being so busy this past week (so much so that i didn't know my own middle name) was that  i also didn't have to time to wonder, 'what next?' or 'what if?' or 'when?' and just got stuff done.  my thoughts are that the stuff i have completed recently is enough to keep me content where i am.

i could use a little more motivation in my day job, but whenever i have meetings with my bosses they seem completely content and satisified with my work so instead of caring if i am performing up to my own standards, i should just stop worrying or caring and concentrate on making progress in other parts of my life that could lead to more focused jobs in the future.  maybe.

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  red light and parking tickets are really not helping my cause here.  dieter and i need to be a little more careful on the road.  i am going to mexico in two weeks' time with my family and i am thrilled that the price tag will be more than worth the fun and time we will have.  but other than that, i am trying to save my pennies for tax season.  then i will get myself properly sorted in the saving/investing/general finances zones.

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals.  i was running around the city last week and in doing so, ate a lot of crap.  delicious, but unhealthy food.  i have next to nothing in my fridge or pantry at home so the first step to addressing this current situation will be to go grocery shopping tonight and plan a menu for the coming days.

i also need to stop eating the Sausage, Egg & Cheese on English Muffin from Starbucks and any of the Manuel Latruwe croissants served at Phil & Sebastian...

this is becoming increasingly important as i am preparing to run a half marathon in early may and am playing around with my pre and post running meals and snacks.  so far, eating at least an hour before i run and eating something packed with energy seems to be getting me through with a few little pick-me-ups of some sort of processed gooey energy bites.  i am still confused as to what i should eat after a run though, some people say something packed with protein, others say something packed with carbs.  i generally just need to put something, anything in my mouth and then follow it with a latte.

7 - sleep an appropriate amount.  i sleep when i need to.  this sometimes includes napping.  in my napping outfit (just take off your pants and voila! napping outfit).  it also includes sleeping in when i have been out drinking tequila at weddings.  or getting up early when i need to get into my office for an early morning meeting.  still doing well.  but still not regular at all.

8 - maintain my priorities.  i was tested in this regard recently.  and i came out on top.  or so i think.  i have had a lot of responsibilities lately and the only thing that i felt i really dropped in the process was my punctuality and organisation as i was late for something that i swore started later than it did.

through my recent scheduling madness, i kept up my running, i kept up my socialising with my friends, and i kept up the communication with my family.  i took a step back from my day job with intention and judged where my time and energies were best spent before making any changes or decisions.  like i said, i think i did ok with this over the past month and i am hopeful that i have set myself up for some success in the coming months because of it.

9 - keep asking for what i want.  well, i haven't had to ask for things that i want lately.  but that could possibly be that i am not sure what it is that i want.  i am really good at asking when i do know that i want something (like a week long training provided by noraid in bangkok coming up in may that i am waiting to hear back on), but i am less inclined to give something to universe and ask for what i want that way.  lack of confidence to hand over control, i suppose.  but i have held on to my power without fail in 29 so there is something to be said for that.

wow, that was sort of a cryptic recap, sorry about that.  hope it is interesting reading, even if you have to do it between the lines.

what a week!

monday - pretty average day, a decently productive smattering of work at my day job and a nice evening hanging out with a friend in town from overseas.  who is sort of in love with me.  but only just sort of.  i think.

tuesday - chair a monthly meeting on trafficking.  pick up a package at the post office of leg warmers and fingerless mitts from the lovely lady over at Yarn is My Metier, beautiful and so comfortable.  every girl needs a pair of leg warmers.  american idol watching with my neighbour/guy i dated a year ago.  a failed hill run - 8 hills turned into 4 miserable hills.

wednesday - teaching high school for the morning, which is almost as exhausting as teaching junior high school, but not quite.  the first screening of the film What Are We Doing Here? that went really well, including the panel discussion on aid to africa that i participated in.  i was proud to have addressed people's questions with intelligent answers.

thursday - drafting of a project proposal for funding to do my own research in the province.  the second screening of the documentary followed by another panel discussion, where i wasn't nearly as articulate as wednesday night's event.  beer and nachos with my ever supportive friends afterwards.

friday - a half day workshop on temporary foreign workers in alberta and the challenges and successes of the programme.  met the nephew of my nairobi chemist by chance in calgary.  handed out tonnes of my cards, networking, networking, networking.  running around the city getting wedding gifts and cards.  a gorgeous wedding with great people that ended with me and the best man shooting tequila at the bar.

saturday - a touch of the hang over.  catching up on adminstrative work for my evening/weekend job.  watching ufc fights, which i swore i would never do and will never do again - boring and disgusting at the same time.  an early night.

sunday - a good 12km run, but with frozen hands.  a hot bath.  some shopping.  sushi.  roast dinner with my parents and one bro (my other bro is in tanzania!).  traffic fines paid.

a simple request

all i am asking for this week is a few more hours in each day. 

not hours that can be used for sleeping, but hours that can be used for preparing presentations for high schools, visiting with friends in from out of town, time to fit in all of my runs (and all of those hills...). 

i would really appreciate some extra time to collect my package from the post office, to attend all of the meetings i have scheduled for my day job, to mentally prepare to be on the panel discussion following both screenings of What Are We Doing Here? this week. 

i need hours for thoughtful wedding gift shopping, for shoulder season hikes, and for attending a workshop on temporary foreign workers in alberta, and for paying those parking and red light ticket.

i also wouldn't mind some time to sort out if i am interested in dating my neighbour.  it should be so simple, but it never is.

way up

things really are looking up and here is proof:

• the calgary parking authority sent me a cheque.  i am not sure exactly why, but i'll take the $50!
• i gained a few new freckles on my morning run today.
• it is friday and i got to go for a morning run.
• freckles only come when there is sun!
• i used my free starbies drink coupon that they sent me for my birthday because i registered my starbucks card
• i searched through my drawers and found 4 totally wearable bikinis to take to mexico so no need to purchase a new one

poor dieter

first, back on august long weekend, someone in sicamose with much too much anger inside of them decided it would be a great idea in the middle of a sweltering afternoon outside of a grocery store to put their lit cigarette out on dieter's hood. not the metal part of the hood, but the plastic bit where the windshield wipers come out, leaving a small burn hole and their nasty cigarette butt.

then, when i was nearly back in town after a weekend trip to edmonton, a rock caught the corner of dieter's windshield, leaving a small crack that i quickly had repaired by the lovely people at speedy auto glass. they warned me that in about 10% of cases, the crack will spread after they repair it, essentially making a small problem worse and it was just dieter's luck that this is precisely what happened to him. so now there is a crack that sweeps around to the edge of the windshield, but at least it is outside of my line of vision when i drive.

and then (and then!) last night after driving back from a weekend at the cabin (in a dieter that has never been dirtier thanks to a rain shower and extremely dusty roads), i noticed that someone has taken a key to his passenger side! i am not sure exactly how you repair a key scratch, of if you can (any ideas or suggestions?!), but what is wrong with people who would do that to someone else's property? that is all i can think of. and, of course, how i feel badly for not taking proper care of dieter, although i suppose there isn't much that i could have done and i have been driving him around town a lot lately to carry out my nesting.

could i give up my shopping habit?

just when i thought my life was going to settle down and i was going to stay in one place for awhile, my former boss has asked if i want to be interviewed for a position in my old office (that same one that was mentioned in the book What is the What that i recently read that put thoughts in mind...) in kenya. the job would be better than the one i had when i was based in nairobi previously and one that i would enjoy, but am i ready to give up the luxuries of developed world living?

like having friends you've known for decades a phone call away, having a ladies' night once monthly with these women, eating dinner with my family regularly, having lattes with my sister, making oil and gas money, watching my brother's hockey games, catching matinees with my other brother, breakfasts with visitors from out of town, changing seasons, central heating, bad television at my fingertips, dependable public transit, my little dieter, my running routes free of rabid dogs and speeding trucks, and, i shamelessly admit, shopping?

yet, one of the biggest reasons i came home was a person who shall not be named and now that that is no longer an issue, i am just not sure what to do with myself. i had always planned on a career in international development and my favourite experiences and stories that i have come from the time i spent pursuing that.

the universe will just have to tell me what to do in this case. but until it is clear, i will keep my options open.

on my birthday...

• i was gifted organisational tools. organisational tools!
• i tried my new underwear on over my sweatpants and chased my future brother-in-law around the house (oh yeah)
• my bestest friend made me pepper and leek quiche for brunch
• i ran nearly 7km
• i waited in a queue for an hour to have dieter washed
• my mama made me lasagne for dinner
• i got a kitchen aid mixer! and a martha stewart cookie cook book (bake book?)
• i had a latte (with real milk!)
• i listened to some cbc podcasts while making mexican dip
• i got this shirt from someecards.com from my sis

and that is what you call a good birthday.

greenest pastures

the past few months have been tumultuous, to put it lightly. and during the last week of tumult i have been thinking a lot about where i am and where i am going. both physically and in all other ways.

my feet have begun to itch and i have been thinking about all the places i could go and might see one day. it worries me that i will always have a dull ache of an urge to pick up and run off to areas of the world that are different, dangerous, or somehow interesting. and yet, it is the experiences that i have had over the past few years that i end up talking about most with people i meet.

thoughts of potential adventures are at the front of my mind today because a colleague of mine asked me this morning if i would be interested in working in the middle east because his old boss was harassing him to take a job and he was trying to pawn it off on someone. at the moment, my answer is a vehement no, but it is nice to know that opportunities will always come and it will be up to me to accept them or not.

and, for the moment, i am content right where i am. even if the details are yet to be ironed out and i have no idea what it is that i do at work or when it will ever begin to make sense (or if i even like it), i have no intentions of uprooting and sailing away on a ship like an 19th century woman out to explore the colonies and write books about exotic species of flowers while her governor husband civilizes the natives.

besides, i have spanish classes to take, weddings to attend, a car to drive, two jobs to wrestle, and a shopping habit to fund.

the world better be ready when i do decide to dart off somewhere, because crumbling democracies seem to follow me around the globe!

seasonal favourites

lite 96 was playing christmas carols this morning! this will surely improve my christmas spirit. i love a good christmas tune.

i'm throwing out the ipod and sticking with dieter's radio for now!

just filling the space

it is day 5 of my new job and man, is this different than anything else i have ever done. more on that to follow.

in the mean time, here are some bullet points:

• i picked up my new car this past weekend and he is lovely and his name is dieter, which befits his german heritage. he even has bun warmers to keep your buns warm during cold weather drives.
• so the calgary stampeders won the grey cup. i was at a grey cup party where i believe i watched 0.7 seconds of the game. i am not a fan of football and am not as thrilled with the win as the local newspapers are.
• i got a delivery of cupcakes the other day from a friend in ontario who has never even had a crave cupcake. it was a pretty nice surprise.
• i also got to visit with my favourite resident canadian in alaska and although it had been years, it felt like were still in that same psychology laboratory in 2003 with those dreaded rats.
• i need a hair cut, but i am torn between getting a trim into a reasonable style (as opposed to this mop that i am sporting) and growing it out as much as possible so i can put it up for my sis's wedding in february. but it is really driving me nuts today - i think dorothy hamill called and she wants her hair cut back.
• i almost wrote off the eggnog latte because the first one i had this season was poor to medium, but i gave it another shot and was pleasantly surprised.
• even with the red cups, i am not feeling any discernible christmas cheer.

sorry about the combination of my previous behemoth posts and then such an unimaginative list-type post. but i AM at work (where i get blogger.com, but not my web-based email or facebook) so this will have to suffice.