a reminder

The good fight is the one that's fought in the name of our dreams. When we're young and our dreams first explode inside us with all of their force, we are very courageous, but we haven't yet learned how to fight. With great effort, we learn how to fight, but by then we no longer have the courage to go into combat. So we turn against ourselves and do battle within. We become our own worst enemy. We say that our dreams were childish, or too difficult to realize, or the result of our not having known enough about life. We kill our dreams because we are afraid to fight the good fight. 


Paulo Coelho from The Pilgrimage

early (temporary) retirement

i was guilty of asking friends who were not working at home 'what do you do all day?' as though it would be a struggle to fill your days with activities that had to be done and those you wanted to do.  i figured that it must be boring not to be busy, a daytimer full of appointments and to do lists, and a social calendar with other people working full time, regular hours.

and now when people ask me if i get bored without having a full time job or what i do with myself all day, i am sort of surprised because the answer seems so obvious.  i read, i lay by the pool, i grocery shop, i visit with our housekeeper, i cook, i play angry birds, i check facebook and twitter, i send emails, i apply for jobs, i go for walks, i edit photos, i go for lunch, i do yoga, i watch tv series i've always wanted to see, i work out, i get massages and pedicures at home.  but only for a few moments this past month have i felt bored.

i have felt some pangs of guilt that i am not working, not being productive, and not building the years and breadth of experience on my cv.  but then i reminded myself that people generally spend their entire careers waiting to retire and live the life i am living right now.

and it won't last.  come march, i will likely have to get a job either in liberia or wherever someone will hire me and then i remember what it feels like to squeeze in a run after rushing home from the office or wake up to an alarm everyday or not having time to fit all my friends and family in.  i am in no hurry to get back into the regular workforce and a crammed schedule so i am genuinely enjoying my time.  i just wish that people understood that when they ask me what i possibly DO all day!

now if you'll excuse me, i have another episode of Mad Men, the next chapter of The Hunger Games, and a swimming pool all calling my name.

home sweet home in monrovia

remember that deal i made with kelsey?  well, i am really crapping out on it, aren't it?

and it is not that i have any wonderful excuses as i am not working a regular job, have more free time than i've had in years, and have had literally thousands of thoughts about life in liberia that i have wanted to share.

view from my bedroom window

i arrived about a month ago and was warmly welcomed into my new home that overlooks the atlantic ocean.  it is a furnished house, meaning it comes with the basics and all the necessary furniture, but little else.  not much on the walls or in the cupboards, but after a few shorts weeks, it does feel like home.

and you can't beat opening your balcony doors in your bedroom to hear the sound of the waves crashing.

waves crashing so hard that i actually cannot swim in the ocean near my house, but yoga in my makeshift hot yoga studio (aka my balcony) is wonderful with the background noises of the sea.

we have a housekeeper who is slowly becoming my closest friend in liberia and i know this isn't exactly how this relationship should go, but it is nice to have company during the days and she is happy to answer all my questions about life in monrovia.  for instance: how do i break a $100 dollar bill? (go to the forex and ask for 'pieces'), where do i find towels in the shops? (the big shop in town has them, it's called Abijala), how do i replace our empty cooking gas canister (give $45 to the groundskeeper and 5LD (liberian dollars) for a motorcar and he'll get it for you).

our street

she was also a wealth of information during the violence that broke out during an opposition party protest a few days before the run off election was held, which was peaceful in the end even if boycotted by the opposition that was crying foul (and also knew they would lose).

before i left calgary, i was worried that i would be bored and wouldn't have anything to fill my days.  i seem to have been wrong and manage to have a growing To Do list on the go as well as very few moments where i am not sure what to do with myself.

i do have work that needs to be completed from a contract i still have from home and i have been enjoying jumping back into the world of research with it.  but otherwise i have been reading books, working out, playing far too much angry birds than is healthy, stocking the fridge and cupboards, reading the internet and sending emails, and utilising the incredibly affordable long distance calling to call friends and family in canada (seriously, i have put $70 on my phone and have made at least 5 calls lasting longer than an hour each and still have $50 left in my account - if liberia can figure out affordable long distance overseas, why oh why can't canada?!).

and, as promised, i will be spending more time writing (hopefully in a coherent manner) about my impressions of my newest home to post here.

how i spend some afternoons

just another monday

reasons why today was great:

• it was housekeeper day (formally called maid day)
• my book club book arrived!  now i have to hurry up and get reading When a Crocodile Eats the Sun by Peter Godwin
• a pvr'ed episode of Weeds
• a new recipe, that i only chose because of the photo that accompanied it as it is not something i would normally pick:

noodles and peanut sauce salad bowl

• 8 oz uncooked whole wheat linguine, broken in half
• 2 cups fresh broccoli florets
• 1 cup julienne carrots (mine were more like slices)
• 1 medium bell pepper, cut into bite size pieces (mine were more like slices)
• 2 tbsp water
• 2 tsp canola oil (except i used sesame oil0
• 1/4 cup peanut butter
• 2 tbsp rice vinegar
• 2 tbsp soy sauce 
• 1/2 tsp ground ginger (but i misread this and put in more than 2 tsp of freshly grated ginger, which likely increased the deliciousness)
• 1/8 ground red pepper
• 3 medium green onions, chopped
• 3 tbsp chopped fresh cilantro

• 1 - cook linguine, adding broccoli, carrots and bell pepper during last minute of cooking (but i added mine about halfway through the cooking); drain.  rinse with cool water.
•  2 - in small bowl, gradually beat water and oil into peanut butter with sire whisk until smooth.  beat in vinegar, soy sauce, and ground red pepper.
• 3 - in large serving bowl, stir together pasta mixture, peanut sauce, onions, and cilantro until well mixed.

a page-turner, i concede

today, while sitting in a catholic church in a small town outside of cape town, i finished The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson.  and what did i think?  meh.  good, entertaining, captivating at points.  but not well written and i am not sure if this is due to the author's writing skills or lacklustre translation from swedish to english, but errors like 'disinformation' instead of 'misinformation,' improper hyphenation, and the use of the word 'had' in duplication in a sentence drove me batty.

some might not be bothered by the writing style and it might interest you to read about the perversions of society, but i needed to finish it to find out the conclusion to the story and less because i really cared about the resolution or the characters involved.

like i said, the story was a page-turner indeed, but i felt it lacked depth and i still don't feel as though i really know the main characters after 800 pages.  which, to be perfectly honest, might be enough for me to pick up the second in the series as i am slightly intrigued.

pick it up, it won't be tough to finish if you have a little time on your hands, but don't expect it to live up to the hype (remember The Da Vinci Code...?)

i'll have more of the same

finally, it seems that 2010 has cleaned up its act and has decided to stop being such a jerk.

as mondays go, this one was pretty stellar.  and why?

• not waking up to an alarm
• still smiling from the high of getting together with my new book club full of wonderful, dynamic women
• a new outfit of a skirt on the sale at the gap and a shirt that fits perfectly from my sister paired with a bold necklace with a giant flower and my favourite italian boots purchased in ireland
• checking off and throwing away my To Do list at work
• an hour long presentation to the most notorious of the law enforcement agencies in canada (you just try breaking into our borders!) met with positive feedback
• won ton soup
• proofing the text for an ad that i will appear in
• setting up a meeting with someone who wants to learn more about my 'consulting services'
• an invitation for a south african wine drinking and luggage packing date
• a raise.  a totally unsolicited raise!  a potentially retroactive raise!!
• a meeting with my volunteers who continue to inspire me, challenge me, and humour me
• purchase of a wall hanging off etsy to bring a little feng shui into my nest
• a new episode of weeds
• a glass of dry red wine

long may it last.

5 days of excitement to go

in five days' time i will be on a jetplane, heading to heathrow to transfer to johannesburg and then on to cape town!  i have no idea how long it will take to get there, but i am well prepared with three books and a little bit of work that i have committed to finishing while i am away (not so much work as copy writing for a friend).  my books of choice include the first two in Stieg Larsson's series, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Played With Fire.  everyone and their dog keeps talking about them, including that there is an element of human trafficking to the story line, so i am jumping on the literary bandwagon and will read them as well.

i also purchased The Help, which i kept picking up at the bookstore and finally bought it online (say what you will about amazon taking away sales from local booksellers, i love the convenience and the process of looking forward to and then receiving a package in the post).

i thought i would have to go on a wild goose chase for shoes to wear to the wedding where i will be a bridesmaid, but i managed to shop in my own closet and find a pair of black, strappy sandals that i got last year in thailand and haven't worn very often back at home.  dressy and sassy?  no, but they will do for a wedding i am travelling halfway around the world to attend to wear with a dress i have never seen?  why yes, yes they are.

as i have mentioned, we've got a few great places to stay already booked and i have noted with asterisks in my lonely planet and rough guide the sights i would like to show my mom in cape town and cape point, wineries i would like to visit in and around stellenbosch, and a whale watching tour out of hermanus.  we are also planning on getting to the sleepy town of bredasdorp so i can show my mom where i lived over 5 years ago and i am crossing my fingers that i will see the woman that i lived with while i was there.  it might be a bit strange walking up to my the half door of the house and knocking.  if she remembers me, i might give her a bit of a heart attack!

i am certainly ready to take a break from the daily grind and the tidal wave i seem to have created.  i spent a lot of time this past week getting on top of my To Do list and feel as though i am leaving all my projects in a state that will not spontaneously combust without regular attention - my volunteers have tasks to take care of, my meetings and workshops are all set up for when i returned and my prep work for them is nearly done, i have someone looking after the nest in my absence, and i have tentative hallowe'en plans and a group of girls thinking up a costume for me.

so all that is left is 5 days of excitement and counting down!

six months in sudan

for someone who is mildly obsessed with trying to figure out if international humanitarian assistance or foreign aid makes a positive impact on the lives of those in developing countries, i found almost refreshing to read a book that describes one individual's attempt to achieve what all humanitarians set out to do - improve the lives of others.

whether james maskalyk is successful in his humanitarian quest is secondary to his telling of his six months in sudan, which is also the name of the book, and i am glad that he did not spent his words or pages delving into the academic discussions of how aid should be delivered and what the challenges are for those working in a dynamic and ever shrinking humanitarian space in conflict zones.

instead, you get a honest, heartfelt, angry, and genuine telling of maskalyk's experience of volunteering with medicins sans frontieres in abyei, sudan where there was a simple hospital, small staff and countless challenges and barriers, but he and the msf team, like countless other similar teams active throughout the world, overcome what they can and accept what they cannot change.  but if only it were that simple - to understand the beauty of the struggle and the celebration of the successes, you will have to read the book.

i have never worked in a environment as resource constrained or isolated as abyei, but i do know what it is like to question what you are doing, if it is working the way it was intended, and the pain in the ass that is internal organisational politics and i am not sure how, but maskalyk articulated it all so well.  there were certainly parts that were difficult to read and i had to put the book down a few times (sometimes to take a few breaths because he doesn't hold back on the medical details...), but the story is one of a young canadian doctor who wishes to do what he can to improve the health of those he could in a village in the contested borderland area of sudan.

read it.  you won't be disappointed.

ted talk recommendations

i have spent my morning cleaning, doing laundry, ironing, and listening to ted talks, which is such a wonderful website about 'ideas worth sharing' and if you have not already taken a perusal through their wonderful videoed lectures (there is an iphone application too for when i am at work!), here are a few talks that struck a nerve or a chord with me this morning, take a look if you have some free time.

***

i have never been a fan of wwf, but its vp who deals with corporate social responsibility and sustainability makes a number of good connections and conclusions about third party verifications, the challenges of putting the decision on sustainable consumption on the consumer, and highlights some success stories of how changes have been made in industries without our even knowing.

i recently went to a lecture by alan knight of the virgin group (of richard branson fame) around third party verification in the forestry industry and what the oilsands of alberta can learn from that experience.  and this was a really nice compliment to that information and is something, to a very brief degree, contend with in my day job.

jason clay: how big brands can help save biodiversity

***

steve jobs gave a commencement address at stanford in 2005 and i absolutely love his message and the story of how he got his start and then kept moving.  i did not realise that he was an adopted child and that he had been publicly fired from apple years ago.  moving and inspiring and a great reminder not to dwell on negative even if it is difficult to suspend judgement in the moment.  (and something i direly need to be reminded of in 2010.)

steve jobs: how to live before you die

***

new york senator diane j savino makes the case for the legalisation of same sex marriage and while i don't necessarily agree with her perspective that even same sex couples should have the right to be as miserable as everyone else as i believe that it doesn't matter what the result of a marriage, all consenting adults should have access to the institution (although i do understand that this line of argumentation might be a line that resonates the best with those whose opinions in the senate she was attempting to influence), i completely agree with her take on the role of government in marriage in a democratic state.

diane j savino: the case for same sex marriage

***

two people speak about choice and they both have really valuable insight into how western developed countries can be improved and deteriorated by the powers associated with choice.

malcolm gladwell speaks to an audience about how to ask the question of what people want in different ways to get more accurate information with the intent of keeping people happy by offering them more choice.

malcolm gladwell: spaghetti sauce

alternatively, and more to my line of thinking on this concept, is barry schwartz who wrote a book entitled the paradox of choice, which i have been meaning to read for years.  he speaks to the idea that the more choices we have, the less satisfied we are with the selection with ultimately make.  i know that this is true for me - when i go to a restaurant with a huge menu i get overwhelmed and am never happy with my final choice because what could it have been like if i picked something else.  for this reason alone, i like eating at fancier restaurants who dictate the menu and refuse to allow substitutions.

schwartz connects the reduction in satisfaction with higher levels of depression and anxiety and i certainly know this is the case for me.  i feel as though there is so much i could do, but where do i start and how to pick what to do?  he uses the example of young people getting married and the selection of a mate, which also resonated with me for the same reasons as the lengthy menus as how we cherish and respect freedom not for what it gives us or what it can allow us to do for ourselves, but simply because freedom in and of itself is valuable.  and i am not always so sure this is the case.  watch it and see what he says about shifting the blame in the medical community and why we might not always be the best person to make decisions for ourselves.

barry schwartz: the paradox of choice

one good story

before i opened Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese, i was in dire need of a good book.  a good story to take my mind off the stresses associated with my own life story at the moment.  and this was a book that i know i will be recommending and thinking about for quite some time.

marion stone is the main character, one half of a set of identical twins whose indian nun mother died during his birth and whose father, a top british surgeon working in the mission hospital in addis ababa where he was born, ran away immediately following his birth.

marion's story, along with his twin brother shiva's, parallels the story of ethiopia since the second world war and as marion leaves childhood behind and becomes a man during a repressive political regime and amidst the secession politics and attempted coups, his adoptive parents foster in him a love of academic study and medicine.  but it is the relationships that he has with those around him and how they evolve that is most fascinating and well described in the book.

i love a good historical novel, one that weaves facts and history into an engaging story, offering the opportunity not only to be entertained through storytelling, but also to get a unique perspective of a time and place.

along with the story of ethiopia, this book also is the story of surgery and the passion that doctors bring into that field of work as well as an exploration of why they choose medicine.  as someone who knows very little about the inner workings of the medical profession, i did not get lost in the language and along with learning more about ethiopia, i also had a glimpse into the life of expat doctors both in east africa and the us.

it is also a tale of deceit, trust, forgiveness and an example of how families are often not the ones you are given, but the ones you choose.  the author doesn't scrimp on details and many of the plot twists are completely unexpected, making it a book i wanted to get back to whenever i had put it down and one that offers enough depth to make it a true telling of a very rich story.

in some ways, it reminded me of Camilla Gibb's Sweetness in the Belly in its description of Ethiopia as someone's home and not as a visitor passing through would see the country.  both great books to read and if you do, i'd love to hear what you think!

slum tourism is not for everyone, in fact, it shouldn't be for anyone

Jina Moore has highlighted an op-ed in the new york times by Kennedy Odede, who grew up in kibera, which is potentially the largest slum in africa located smack in the middle of nairobi, my former home.

i think anyone considered any type of voluntourism should read this piece.  to the point, eloquent, honest, and a great voice on why you take a piece of people's dignity when you travel through their home to 'understand poverty.'

i have been to kibera.  i didn't spend much time there and would never claim to understand the community nor why exactly my work took me there, but i did see foreigners wandering around with their cameras out and i heard on local radio (through my rough understanding of kiswahili and my colleague's helpful translation) that there is a running joke that kibera residents are like zoo animals as the visitors pass by, looking at them from an arm's length and taking photos to bring home.

for anyone interested in life in kibera, Uwem Akpan has an excellent short story about a family in kibera in his book Say You're One of Them.

cleaning house, literally and figuratively

it is time to get organised!

i have hired a housekeeper and have forgiven myself for not being able to stay on top of my housework and given myself permission to contract that part of my life to a professional.  but (but!), i will now have to stay on top of keeping things tidy and do a deep clean before she arrives in a week's time.  but this is much needed and overdue.

in other organisational news, i am still learning the ins and outs of my new mac book pro and how to best manage my photos and files and this thing is really is a wonder, but i am still learning and find myself wishing there was a right click button as well as page up and page down buttons.

although it is not entirely linked to organisation, i am right this very moment using my slow cooker to make beef stew for the first time.  and i must say, cutting up the raw beef and browning it in a frying pan was completely manageable!  and i am certain i will not poison anyone if they choose to sample my stew, which is sure to be delicious.  but are you supposed to lift the lid on a slow cooker?  i can't seem to find the willpower to just leave it and want to keep checking on it, but maybe this defeats the purpose of the slow cooker?

any hints on how to get the campfire smell out of clothes?  i have already washed them on the highest setting on my washer and with extra soap, but they still stink and they are my running clothes so i don't very well want to be stinking up the pathways or smelling smoke as i run my buns up a hill.

and i have placed my amazon.ca order for the cape town lonely planet book and you know what that means - trip planning is about to begin!  i love planning a trip and this should keep me busy for the next few weeks before departing to rsa in october.

and next up - a weekend of running errands and getting my life back in some semblance of order!

29+5

it's goal update time again!  i am officially 29 and a half tomorrow.  and i have a few bones to pick with 29, but i have faith that it will smarten up for its final half.


1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  i am not feeling anxious lately, which is a good thing.  more of a general frustration and without a lot of direction of what the eff i am doing.  some days, i feel confident, sure that i am on the right path, and something is just around the corner.  but then other days, i am lethargic and melancholy and resemble pig pen surrounded by a cloud of gloom.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special occasions.  i am doing ok.  not fantastically well, but ok.  and if facebook messages count, then i am on top of my game!  but sadly, that wasn't really the intention of this goal so i am not totally on the ball.  september is a big birthday month in my family though and i am already a little bit ahead of that game, so there's that.

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  south africa is certainly in the works and i have sent messages to friends in cape town to see if i can visit with them.  and lucky for me, i have two friends coming to me in august and both are friends i knew in nairobi, one who now lives in east timor and the other in darfur, so it will be grand to catch up with them.


i will also get a visit in with my dad while i am in victoria this weekend (and a ride to the trailhead, yippee!) and am planning on spending more time at my family's cabin in the month of august and even though this is not technically what i had in mind with this goal, i am looking forward to it.

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  um, yeah.  i feel as though this year so far has been the year of opportunities that were not to be, but were so damn close!  there are a few more irons in the fire that could materialise into something, but no word yet on my dream job...

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  apparently 4 day hiking trips can be expensive.  but other than that, i am saving my pennies and will do until i have to fork out the dollars for my plane ticket to cape town.  until then though, my nest egg is coming along.  my new laptop took a chunk out of it, but full time hours, an increase in my billing rates, and freelance writing work are adding up.

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals.  i didn't even eat dinner last night.  in fact, i ate lunch and that was it.  today i didn't eat until 1 and will hopefully remember to eat dinner too.  honestly, living alone in the summer means that i a) eat out a lot or b) don't eat unless i am starving and then just open the fridge and make a meal out of whatever combination of food hasn't gone bad.  the other night it was spinach pasta with gorgonzola cheese and asparagus on the side.  that is one of the better combos i have come up with, normally they include pretzels and dill pickles.  eesh.

7 - sleep an appropriate amount.  i am sleeping well, even with some of the hot evenings we have had, and have made a point a few nights this month to get to bed early enough to read some of my book before sleeping.  this might sound like something a Normal Person who do Regularly, but i don't and typically end up watching crappy tv (go chris go!) until i am exhausted and haul my behind to my bed. 


oh, this is sort of funny and involves sleeping...  i wanted to try out my new sleeping bag and was lying in it watching more bad tv and i fell asleep only to wake up in a pool of sweat because, hey, guess what?!   my sleeping bag is good up to 10 degrees and it was hot as balls in there when i woke up.  good to know that it will keep me warm this weekend!

8 - maintain my priorities.  i think i am doing well and especially after a spring where i felt pulled in all directions simultaneously, i am approaching a state of balance where i feel i am on top of most things, including my contract positions and my health and fitness (well, apart from the sore hoof).  this applies to all parts of my life except the state of my nest...  and because of the disaster i now find myself living in and because i seem to be able to work my buns off and save my pennies, i figure a good use of those pennies would be to hire someone to keep my nest in a presentable state.  hence, i am going to hire a housekeeper.  da da dun!


i feel slightly like a glutton for this decision, but it makes sense and it will allow me to continue to find balance by being outside to enjoy the summer weather and socialising with my networks while also getting paid work done while i am at home rather than feeling guilty about watching my bad tv when i should be dusting shelves, cleaning fridges, and sweeping floors.  

9 - keep asking for what i want.  i am keeping up with this one.  i haven't asked for anything monumental lately, but i have been giving some deep thought to what it is i do want and putting that out to the universe.  i suspect that when i see something i want, i will have all the confidence to ask for it like i deserve it and that is good enough for the midpoint of 29 as far as i am concerned.

number crunching

i posted a comment over at flotsam, where on her fifth year blogging anniversary she ran some numbers.  a good idea i thought, so i am posting my comment here with a few more items that i have thought of since.

children conceived: 0
live babies acquired: 0
men married: 0
apartments lived in: 5
books written: 1 (if you count a thesis)
degrees acquired: 1
unfamiliar countries visited: 17
unfamiliar states visited: 0
couches owned: 5
pets felled by disease/neglect: 0
days admitted to hospital: 0
literary rejections received: 0 (but i have received a number of professsional rejections!)
pounds gained: -10
kidney stones passed: 0

and a few of my own:

humanitarian emergencies survived: 1
doctors dated: 3
soldiers dated: 1
teachers dated: 1
statisticians dated: 1
pilots dated: 2

hunters dated: 1
houses purchased: 1
heartbreaks suffered: 1
countries lived in: 4

tropical diseases contracted: 1
blogs maintained: 1

social networking profiles created: 3

social networking profiles maintained: 1
bottles of wine consumed: even if i remembered to count, i wouldn't have had the capacity to at the time

laptops owned: 3

cars named dieter driven: 1

grandparents lost: 2

jobs held: 3, 2 concurrently

tattoos inked: 2

bites of chicken consumed: 3 +/-

itunes songs collected: 4715

languages learned: 1/8

photographs taken: 1000s, maybe even 10,000s

friends met, books read, and tears shed: statistics unavailable until technology improves!

 

i would love to hear what you have to say about your last 5 years!

seeking book recommendations for qualitative research methodologies

it would make a lot of sense to post this on facebook, but for some reason i don't want my worlds colliding at the moment.

so, blogging interwebs, do you have any recommendations on good books that give a good overview on social science research methods, with particular reference to survey and semi-structured interview question design?

read it!

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

this book felt dark from the outset, which i don't normally fancy, btu i kept with it as there were so many mysteries to unfold through the pages and my interest was peaked.

as the story reveals itself slowly, the book speaks to the beauty of stories, how everyone has a story, and how the telling of stories is utterly important to how they are understood.

this particular story involves a british best-selling author, the moors of yorkshire, and a booksellers' daughter.

but as the book says, the characters and the setting are not what make a story compelling.  it is how they come together and how the storyteller reveals the connections, which are, of course, closer than first thought.

the history of a family is the centre of the book and it is fascinating with its abnormalities, oddities, and uncommon composition.  moreover, it is the relationship between two twins that is examined and what happens when pieces of a family are missing or details are unknown.

my one criticism of this particular story is that a few times it was so clearly obvious what was coming or what a connection was, but the author assumed the reader wasn't aware, which became a bit tiresome.

but it is a good story and certainly worth reading.  especially if you do it on the top deck of a chinese junk on halong bay in vietnam!

An Imperfect Offering from me to you

another book that you absolutely must read (well, if you are in to this kind of stuff, that is) is An Imperfect Offering by Dr James Orbinski.  again, like many of the books i read, it explores the challenges of humanitarian assistance during a violent conflict.  which, coincidentally was also the name of the masters degree that i finished a few years ago.

this book is not always easy to read, it is haunting, it is disturbing, and it left me with a lot  more questions than it answered, but i think that that is the nature of humanitarian or development work and Orbinski was honest, modest, and sincere in the telling of his personal story, which includes a career as a doctor, time spent as the director of Medecins Sans Frontieres, and many missions to countries in the tight grasp of war and violence.

like i said, it certainly doesn't give the answers to the questions of how best to implement humanitarian response activities, but it does provide insight into providing basic health care to those affected by war.  i'd be lying if i didn't say that this book made me wish that i was doctor because that seems like it could be more simple than what i do know how to do and this isn't the first time i have thought that.

i can never imagine being in the position that Orbinski was in to decide whether or not to go against organisational philosophy and principles (msf has historically refused to engage in the 'political' aspects of conflict) and speak out against government action (and indeed, inaction) and make bold statements about why the situation in rwanda, somalia, kosovo, afghanistan, and the drc is the way it is.  he chose to point msf's finger at the actors that could change things, if they so wished.  often, these actors are foreign governments and in reading his accounts of each of the above regions, i began to understand even further the complexities of humanitarians' involvement in a conflict.

the book could have easily gone the direction of Lloyd Axworthy's concept of The Responsibility to Protect, which i was a wholehearted follower of years ago (but my faith in this concept is no longer as strong as it once was) and will never become a reality, but Orbinski never gets overly idealistic and keeps the dialogue in his book based on the real challenges and potential impossibility of having one 'right answer' to its many questions.

the book's title, An Imperfect Offering, comes from a Leonard Cohen lyric and it couldn't be better suited for the realities and complexities of its content.

my secret love for stats revealed

here i go again.  insisting that you read a book that i loved.  and this time, it is called Wisdom of Whores.  don't let the title put you off, nor the fact that Elizabeth Pisani is an epidemiologist who wrote a book about statistics and preventing the spread of disease.  it really is fascinating and part of that is due to Pisani's ability to call it like it is, humbly take credit for good work, but also to admit when she (and the development world, in many cases) was wrong.

the book talks about how our hiv prevention strategies as donor governments, un agencies, and ngos has typically been ass backwards.  instead of putting money toward the greatest transmitters of the disease, commercial sex workers and injecting drug users (especially those in prison), the enormous amounts of money that have been donated/lent by the american government, the canadian government, unaids, and the bill and melinda gates foundation, among so many others, has largely gone to useless programmes targetting women, children, and the general public, who are not the hotspots of transmission.

hiv is not really that infectious, if you look at the science.  we know how it is most easily transmitted (and it is not heterosexual sex) and who is transmitting it (with minor variations between countries and cultures), but we continue to spend money on saving the poor women and children.  oh, the women and children.  the poor, poor women and children.  who don't spread hiv nearly as often as others...

another fun fact that book came out with is that timor leste (where a good friend of mine lives and works, no doubt spending money given by the americans) had a grand total of 7 people who tested positive for hiv at the time of their independence (they were the first new state to be formed in this century), but the americans threw money at the country to deal with their 'hiv problem.'  7 people does not a problem make.  but oh my god, the poor women and children, what will they do if we do not address the impending epidemic hanging above their heads!

we have been force fed the idea that poverty will equal hiv transmission rates going through the roof and Pisani shatters that nonsense as well, demonstrating that being poor does not necessarily make you any more likely of contracting the virus, but it is how we fail to address the most common ways it is passed from one person to another (man to man, man to woman, woman to child, woman to woman...) in our programming that is failing millions of people.

for example (and there are many), the us will not allow any of its money to be spent on needle exchanges for drug users, the us claims to be a saviour of those living with aids by providing drugs (shipped from the states when other generics are avilable and do not need to refrigerated) but won't fund any programmes that keep sex workers safe rather than forcing them to leave the trade.

we continue to try and fit people into boxes of 'female sex worker,' 'positive man married to uninfected woman,' and 'sex buyer,' to name a few.  but in reality, people do not fit into these, or other, boxes very nicely and Pisani makes a great case for the changing of research and reporting to better reflect this, which could result in better prevention programmes that might actually work.

there are many problems as to why hiv has taken off in some regions of the world.  african governments refuse to acknowledge that there are men who have sex with men in their countries (ahem... kenya, nigeria, uganda) and their politicans speak out against proven science that hiv leads to aids and that you can cure aids with thorough washing and herbal supplements (yes, south africa and the gambia, i am looking at you...).  so while we are pouring money down the drain, and there is certainly a lot of money in the aids business thanks to bono, pepfar, and do gooders like myself, in providing education and voluntary testing to wives, mothers, and children, we have lost the plot on what really needs to be done.

and did you know that canada is among the worst offenders for tying our aid? it means that when we give money to other countries or organisations, we have an expectation that a certain percentage of it is spent on canadian goods, canadian services, and canadians themselves in the form of hiring our nationals.  i knew we were no aid angels, but i was surprised to see that we were behind only the us, the international pariah of untying aid activists.

i take no credit for these ideas.  i have thought them in varying shades of clarity and articulation, but Pisani really deserves credit for writing a book about statistics and science that is fascinating, infuriating, and inspiring in equal measure.  go out and read it (and her blog, now listed here), you will certainly be smarter for it.  or you can go out and buy a red ipod or a cup of starbucks red coffee...

a few good links

i found a few good articles that i thought i would share, if anyone else is as obsessed with this topic as i am.

first, my current favourite academic and writer Dambisa Moyo (of Dead Aid fame) has a piece about why the world continues to treat africa as a charity case and whether or not this is a very effective philosophy to go about executing development work.

the second, and from the same magazine by the name of Good, is about delinking development from the non-profit sector, an idea and theory that i think is worthy of exploration and investigation both academically and in the field.

easing back into it

before i even begin to talk about the wonderful trip i just returned from (and try to gloss over the horrendous flight delays, cancellations, and airlines i had to contend with to get back home), i thought i would do a relatively easy review of a few books i read on my trip that i must discuss (have i mentioned i need a book club to join?!).

Two Lives (Vikram Seth)
i had seen this book before and perhaps i didn't attempt it as i didn't get even halfway through the author's A Suitable Boy (which i know some people have raved about), but i picked it up in the dublin airport in case i made it through the other books i had with me and it is a good thing i did.  in my time at airports and hotels alone i finished all 500 pages of this beauty and i wholeheartedly recommend it.

the story is a true one and covers the relationship between a young indian man and his future german bride, all the way from when they both must leave germany before the first world war to his stint in the british army to her tracing of her jewish family's fate to the life they rebuild in england and his dental practice (with one arm!) and their relationship with numerous friends and family.

i was mesmerised with this book and gobbled it up.  i loved the transcription of letters that were written between all the 'characters' in the book and it made me think that it truly is a lost art.  the language that was used, the honesty with which they spoke to one another, and the incredible subject matter that they were required to discuss.  imagine writing to your friends about the nazis, the holocaust, the fate of your sister and mother, the betrayal of friends, and the state of post war europe in your own handwriting and language.

this seemed like such a rare story, the interracial and interreligious relationship between two people in the first half of the century and yet, as you read it, it makes perfect sense.  i sincerely insist that you pick this book up, a great way to learn more about our shared history, love, and why it is important to know where we come from.  fantastic.

The Good Mayor (Andrew Nicoll)
i finished this book begrudingly.  i didn't much care for the characters or their decisions and wasn't really sure where the 'love' in this love story was to be found.  i had to find out what happened though, so i finished it.  in the fictional town of dot, there are things like lust, obsession, and abuse, but not much love as far as i was concerned.

i have never been one for fable-like stories and this seemed one of those, something not entirely believable and not deep enough to really have a sense for who the characters were or what their intentions were.  so i was a bit disconnected throughout.

i read it, but i wouldn't recommend it.  not when there are so many fantastic books out there!

Something to Tell You (Hanif Kureishi)
after watching an interview with Kureishi, i picked up his book having never read anything he had written and not knowing what to expect. well, was i ever in for a whirlwind!

the story is largely about the search for pleasure (or at least that is what i took away from it).  it takes places in london and london is a character unto itself in the story (which is something i always love).  the main character seems to be at a crossroads that he never expected and is looking backwards and forwards to find out how to tie his loose ends while at the same time searching for something that will make him feel 'good.'  as you would expect, where he expects to find pleasure and contentment is not where he manages to find it and the twists and turns in the story are taken by the the main character, a psychoanalyst, in stride as they parallel the same search that is going on by those around him.

i am really not sure how i feel about this book apart from it really made me think and the characters are still alive within my mind.  and yet, did i enjoy it?  not particularly.  i liked the story, but i didn't like the experiences of the characters or what they were searching for.  and yet, it brings to light the fact that when anyone is seeking pleasure (and everyone does) that what they find often looks a lot more like pain, emotional or physical, but sometimes that is exactly as it should be.  and perhaps that is why i was uncomfortable with the story at times, because it was real.

i know i will be thinking of this novel for a long while, so in the meantime, if i have not done it justice, check out some other reviews at the guardian and the independent.  and if you wouldn't mind, could you please read this book so we can discuss it?!

and in this research, i found out that Kureishi and i went to the same uni in england!