eight for twenty eight - monitoring and evaluation

1 - get enough sleep.  oh, i took this to a whole. new. level. before christmas and i think that a change in medication and a vacation managed to get me back to sleeping like a normal person and not like a zombie (zombies sleep during the day a lot, right?).  i think that i kept my health and my sleeping priorities throughout 28 and it resulted in a lot happier and astute me.  i think now the challenge will be to find ways to keep my energy up throughout the day and to get to bed a decent hours so i don't feel like i need to sleep an extra hour before heading into work (and this is one of the many reasons why i love being a consultant!).

2 - buy a home. i think it is safe to say that i rocked this goal right outta the water!  my nest continues to be a home and i continue to love it.

3 - reduce my level of anxiety. overall, i am doing really well with this.  i still have moments where i can feel my breath quickening, but now i recognise what it is and take steps to bring my anxiety to an acceptable level.  i don't think i will ever completely overcome anxiety that comes with taking the bus, new social situations, or when life decides to overwhelm you, but i surely have developed some pretty good coping and identifying skills, which will continue to help keep me sane.  literally.

the proof that i have achieved this goal is that i am not worried about the future and am instead confident that although i have no idea what is coming in 2010, in 29, or the next decade, i sense that it will be pretty damn good.

4 - take better photos. i think that i learned a lot through my course, a lot of the technical side at least.  however, i am not completely confident with my ability to now apply it to my photography practice.  i took a lot of photos in ireland (and would have taken a lot more had it not been for frozen fingers and the lack of fingerless gloves), but i kept my camera on the green idiot box and didn't really test out my knowledge.

in the spring there is a follow-up course that i am going to take that is all about taking photos on location with an instructor and that hands-on learning will likely solidify a lot of the knowledge currently buried deep in the recesses of my cerebral lanscape.

this goal is linked to #2 as well because i have printed off a number of my photos from all over the world, framed them, and hung them.  nothing like unique and homemade artwork to make a nest nestier!

5 - become financially confident.  so i bought a file folder.  with an accordian-like filing system.  i will file my receipts in this.  maybe one day i will graduate to actually making an investment or contributing to my rrsp.  this was a bit of a failure as far as 28 is concerned.  but i bought a house, can we talk more about that?!  because that is sort of like financial confidence, right?  sort of?!

6 - be happy where i am. i am.  simple as that.  not wondering where i will head next.  not complaining about where i am, the state of my career, or why i haven't achieved more.  happy.  content.  excited as i think of the future.  done and done.

7 - visit friends who live in other places. when i first made this goal, i had some pretty specific places in mind to visit.  that list would include chicago, washington dc, ottawa, and maybe even alaska.  where did i end up travelling and visiting friends?  toronto, sheffield, cobh!  not exactly as i had expected, but i did get to visit old friends who recently relocated, a dear friend from grad school, and a new friend who i had actually never met face-to-face, but who i 'knew' through a previous working relationship.

i think that i can put more effort into this goal in the future and make sure that i get to see those people and places that i mentioned above, along with taking other opportunities as they arise.

8 - make the best dating decisions for me (the goal formally known as sort out my relationship).  i think that i have achieved this goal in both its former and current incarnations!  i sorted out my relationship (good riddance to bad rubbish is a saying that comes to mind) and i made a lot of decisions about dating this past year and all of them were the best that i could have done for me.
 
i went on blind dates, i allowed myself to be set up by friends, i tried online dating, i ended things when they no longer suited my needs, i allowed my thoughts and assumptions to be challenged, i got to know A LOT of very eligible bachelors, i made a few new friends, i have been sent gifts from foreign countries, i have made a lot of new facebook friends, and i am still single.  not to say that this is a failure of any sort because i think that as my goal was to make good dating decisions, i have done just that.
 
it will be interesting to see what 29 holds in terms of dating and relationships, but i think as far as goals go, all i can do is what is under my control and that is continue to make the best decisions for me!
 
now, i still have a few more weeks of 28 left, but i am making the assumption that nothing is going to change so drastically in the coming weeks that would affect the way that i see my eight for twenty eight goals over the past 50 weeks!

it's good to have hobbies

last weekend it was canning, this weekend it was painting!

i started at 4pm on saturday and wasn't in bed until after 2am. i had to laugh that years ago it would have been me and some ladies stumbling home from a night out at that time on a saturday, but now i am standing with a paintbrush in my hand, talking about the stippling technique, the challenge of mixing a good purple, and creative license.

it was so much fun! my painting is three quarters done and i cannot wait to get back to it to finish it. it's also nice to know things i learned in high school art class are applicable 10 years later.

i am working at the federal election tomorrow (while i sit back and watch my potential employers fight over me, or something like that) and i am less excited about being a deputy returning officer than about the outcome of the election. who will it be and, perhaps more importantly, by how much?!

and now i am watching the tv show 17 kids and counting. if ever there is a time to use the phrase WTF, it is now. i mean, WTF are these people thinking?! nearly 18 children, the girls only wear skirts, they don't date, and home schooled? and then they let people film it to put it on television for people like me to watch like a bad car accident, i just cannot turn away...

i hope you got to eat some turkey or dressing today. happy thanksgiving! i have a lot to be thankful for this year, as always.

right bank/left bank

oh, paris...

confession: i think it had taken me so long to get myself to the city of love, the city renown for joie de vivre because i was partly afraid that it would overwhelm me or that the parisians would eat me during a 7 course gourmet meal because i can barely stumble through pleasantries en francaise (bad canadian, i know).

but i am not afraid to admit when i am wrong. and apart from the occassional surly server and the woman who snubbed her nose at me for whipping out my guidebook on the metro, parisians did not even want to take a nibble. they were lovely.

actually, i wanted to package up the loveliest amelie-esque woman who worked at our local bakery and bring her home with me, she was just that sweet. and yes, because i was in paris for 5 days i get to say that i had a 'local' bakery.

i am going to miss that city. all of the regular culprits included - that food, that wine, that architecture. but for all that we saw and did, i am mostly going to miss wandering the streets of paris, looking in the shop windows, finding my way around the streets, and stopping whenever i damn well felt like it to have a croissant, a meal, a glass of wine, or a rest in a park.

highlights include, in no particular order:

- the best creme brulee i have ever had. and i didn't even think i liked creme brule. i was wrong. very, very wrong.

- croissants and espresso in plastic cups from the local bakery in the mornings

- staying at the ideal hotel design. if you are going to paris, stay there. (and book it on ebooking.com so that it is only 60 euro a night). it is artsy and funktastic and just my style. the night guy was surly and did nothing to dispell the parisian myth (ok, that makes 3 sour parisians), but the other staff were very nice and they actually had a pink reception area, purple hallways, and olympics in french on fancy tvs!

- the centre pomidou. i loved this place. it was like a croissant, a cafe creme, and creme brule all rolled into one museum of deliciousness.

- going up the eiffel tower. now i thought, yeah, sure we are in paris and we MUST go up the tower but i cannot be arsed to stand in a line to go up an elevator and i am too cheap to pay more when i can just walk up, but my legs are protesting when i even lift one to put it in front of the other because touring around europe for 3 weeks is tiring, whine, whine, whine... so we went back first thing the next morning and walked up. mild panic attack and begging the soldier to let us turn around and walk back to the 1st level aside, it was pretty damn cool. sort of like a delicious bottle of bordeax sipped on the bank of the seine.

- sipping a delicious bottle of bordeaux on the banks of the seine. as per a great suggestion, we bought some wine, a baguette, some cheese that made me want to cry it was so good, and some vine ripened tomatoes and had a little riverside spread. at first we felt a little sheepish drinking straight from the bottles (one of which was purchased at printemps and was actually not the least expensive one there, proving that i am not cheap and have lots of class, and the other for 2.50 at a grocery store - i think they were equally delicious), but soon got over that and just enjoyed the sunset with other picnickers/drinkers and watched the world go by.

- checking out armour at the musee de l'armee and then nosing through the pinkness of fauchon and smelling the teas, drooling over their pastries, and picking up a few little treats (because that is what you call COMPROMISE)

- eating crepes on the street in all their goozy cheesey, eggy (who knew?) goodness

- meandering through the pere lachaise cemetary and finding the gravestones of jim morrison, oscar wilde, heloise & abelard and some french dude whose package is apparently full of such vigor, if you rub it, you will become pregnant (i just pretended)

- eclaires! in the morning!

- the gargoyles at notre dame, but not the line to stand in and the entry fee to pay to get up there to see them. but it was much more enjoyable for me than the soldier when i was all hyped up on caffeine and sugar from coffee and eclaires in the morning and bounced up and down the entire way.

- having a nap in jardin de tullieres

- all the people who take photos of art in galleries like the musee d'orsay. there were some people that i am pretty sure were not even looking at the paintings themselves (matisse, picasso, van gogh, seurat...) and just fitting them irregularly in their digital frame and snapping away to bore their neighbours back home during the slide show

- speaking of cameras, fearing that someone was going to run away with our camera at the louvre. i think i'd been in nairobi too long. but it gave us a laugh.

i miss paris already. and i must find a way to get back there. and ideally, find a way to get paid while i go back there because that city makes quite the dent in the pocketbook. i also made a little commitment to my life's To Do List to go back to paris when i speak french. i better get on that.

loose ends

isn’t it funny how as soon as you decide to leave a place, you begin to appreciate it more? i suppose that it is human nature (or at least my nature), but it doesn’t change the fact that i am ready to breeze out of here.

luckily for me, i get my ‘personal effects’ shipped to canada and although it is not a whole lot, i will manage to get my favourite baskets, rugs, and irreplaceable household things , Pieces of Art (i bought another! this time by a sudanese canadian artist and i love it so much that i want to marry it), most important books, and clothes and shoes (after a serious purge) in the shipment. i have been in talks with the movers and am planning on having an open house to get rid of all the other bits and bobs that i have collected. isn’t it amazing how much stuff you collect over a few year? anyone want to purchase some sheep skin rugs or patio furniture or a held-held mixer?

i am also giving my health insurance a run for its money and making sure i use up all my allowances as i have no guarantees when next someone will be paying for my specs or my teeth. the dental hygienist said i had ‘excellent oral health’ which made me so happy that i let a whopping ‘yes’ accompanied by a vigorous arm pump. or at least that is what i felt like doing.

it also amazes me how your social calendar fills up as soon as you decide to leave: i have been visiting with a friend just back from many months in darfur, sudan, you can imagine how fascinating that lunchtime conversation was; i spent my friday night playing board games with my flatmate at which i lost miserably; today i have lunch with a work colleague and friend and then dinner at a friend’s place where i am sure we will laugh a lot and get lost in italian translation; and if the rainy season cooperates, i will be going horseback riding this sunday afternoon in nairobi’s next-door forest.

one of my pet peeves is people updating their social calendars on their blogs like a laundry list, however, the moral of my story is that there is a lot i am leaving, but that i am very much ready to do it.

memorable mpumalanga moments

(may 4, 2008)

did you know that some people in south africa go grocery shopping without shoes on? i did not. and i was so amazed i started checking out everyone’s feet that passed me in the produce section. (and the electronics store, as it so happened)

the south africans take their biltong seriously. and their sausage. and all of their meat products. now i remember why the last time i returned from the rainbow nation i had to take a meat vacation. this time, i need to take a chip vacation. although i have become a chip connoisseur that could handle any british chip shop, i need to take a step back from deep fried starches.

the part of south africa where i lived a few years ago is very different than a mpumalanga mining town. i am so happy that i got to tour around more of rsa. there are some phenomenal rock formations around those parts, which works for me because rock formations are sort of like my new hobby.

when you order red wine at a restaurant, pub, or hotel, they give you the biggest glass of tasty wine for a few dollars. it is great. and the would-be beginnings of a drinking condition.

however, the food situation is not so great. there are the ever-delicious chips, but little else besides meat and squished sandwiches that are not to my taste. i did fit in a few pieces of milk tart though.

alarms are everywhere and so is paranoia. but i sort of get it after almost being mugged in broad daylight in a shopping mall. sort of.

i remember the highway driving in the western cape to be nerve wracking, but i thought it was just that particular driver. no, south african highways are frightening places. and the government has wasted a lot of money on stop signs that are largely ignored.

afrikaans is still as beautiful as ever. and my sarcasm is still intact. but it still fascinates me even if i don’t care for the sound of it. i mean, who makes up their own language?!

i watched a lot of the discovery channel and saw the very first episode of Miami Ink, a lot of myths busted, and how things are made. i also drank a lot of tea. sweet, sweet tea. i think that time should always be made for the preparation and enjoyment of good tea. and not the milky kenyan stuff.

my favourite hotel in the world is in a town called graskop. an establishment where contemporary artists design each room differently and there are pieces of art in the restaurant, the stairwell, the bar, the bathrooms, and the lobby is my kind of hotel. i also loved the bartender named rodger whom we named my wooden chicken after. (the carved chicken was a sign of love purchased from the side of the road and is probably not nearly as freaking hilarious to anyone else but me.)

i now own 2 pairs of converse. i can’t bring myself to throw out my old ones though, even with their holes. i am pretty much ok with that.

i love vacation.

homebody

i spent last night at home, watching pirated tv shows on my laptop, roasting vegetables, and hanging out by myself even though i had just got a new haircut and would usually want to take it out. i was content then and am content now. i am feeling that it is such an effort to get together with people, to get dressed nicely enough, and make conversation lately. i have done my part and made appearances when i felt up for it, but i have been happier just staying in and being at home. my nest is coming along (with the new Piece of Art) and i am still convinced that it will be complete with the addition of a kitten...

i am afraid, however, that my homebody style will instil feelings of loneliness if it continues. but nairobi is already wearing on me even though i have been happy since i returned in early january. its lustre is fading and if i could have thrown my iced coffee at the woman who erroneously told me today that the wireless internet would work at another location, i would have.

i have spent at least a few hours at my office every day this week. i have fielded 2 phone calls today asking me to do things for people that are so far outside of my job description (or terms of reference, as they are called in the biz) that i was so frustrated and annoyed that i had to take a nap to cope with the stress of a sunday afternoon that was meant to be my break. calling me to ask me to ask me to follow up with somaliland, the dutch, and cida? on a sunday afternoon? after i was in the office because the lady that told me that i could use the internet at their restaurant over the phone was wrong? are you freaking kidding me?

maybe i am just not cut out for this. but the only problem with that is that i don’t know what else to do. i am good at my work, but not at this life. at least not today. i need a holiday.

i did manage a short run this morning. and my lungs did not come out of my chest and my legs are not throbbing with the pain that comes when you sorta kinda forget to run for a few months. let’s hope this bright, sunny weather and good health sticks so i don’t have any precipitation or sinus infection excuses to not continue.

back to essentials

(january 15, 2008)

there are more rallies scheduled for nairobi tomorrow. since the two sides can still not come to a power sharing agreement. i am not sure how i feel about the rallies. i support the democratic right of the opposition to hold peaceful demonstrations but the government and police pretty much enforce a police state every time they announce they are having one. on the other hand, if people are going to be injured and there will be more displaced people, then why hold a rally? what goal will it accomplish? and i think kenyans are tired of all of this and even those opposition supporters don’t seem as interested in public demonstrations. but they could prove me wrong and hold a sizeable protest.

which is why our offices are going back to only essential staff again. and in my new role as emergency operations extraordinaire, i am still essential. but that means a quiet office for me to make a dent in my To Do list. i have been thinking that my office needs a tidy and a reorg. i need some organisational devices but because of our ridiculous procurement system, i can only spend so much money per month and it has to come off a project. is the private sector this ridiculous too? or are projectised systems more lenient in that world?

the illness seems to be clearing with a small dose of antibiotics and antihistimines, which are making my nose run at the moment. the good old doctor did not disappoint in his prescription for antibiotics and steam inhalations. i think he would prescribe inhalations for people with sprained ankles.

i became a grown up this past weekend when i purchased my first Piece of Art by a kenyan artist. it is pretty fantastic but i am not sure how much you pay for art. i guess it all comes down to what you think it is worth. and yet, i will argue with any taxi driver that tries charge me even $1 more than i want to pay. i will even call my old stand by drivers and will wait until they can arrive rather than pay a dollar more. but my Piece of Art is fantastic and i love it so i guess that is how you decide whether or not art (or anything) is worth it. sadly, it does not have a name and i believe all art should be named so i will have to brainstorm on this one. i also baked bread this weekend too. but i am afraid i did not knead it enough. i have nothing to base this on besides my fatigued arms and the texture of the bread. but i made bread. and bought art. ergo, i am an adult.