vancouver island is also rather beautiful

29+6

i am affectionately referring to this past month as the beginning of the home stretch.  29 has not been my favourite year so far and although i have faith that it is going to clean up its act for these last months, i am still looking forward to saying adios to my 20s and with it, the deceptive 29.

1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  this goal has become almost boring!  i haven't really figured how exactly how not to feel anxious and it normally pops up (as it always has) when i am in new social situations and have to make conversation, but all i can think of is 'say something, say something, try and relate, try and relate, say something, something, anything.'

there were certainly a few of those moments this past month.  one where i solved (?!) the problem by drinking wine and then some more wine.  i think i followed that up with a ceasar and then maybe, a beer.  as you can imagine, this was not exactly the solution i should have been looking for and i ended up that girl without her shoes on, barefoot on the side of a busy road while her date hails a cab.  pretty much, my finest moment of 29...

but i find that getting enough sleep and connecting with people who are also struggling with a sense of identity, purpose, and belonging helps a lot in the anxiety battle department.  and reminding myself that even if nothing seems to make sense right now, there is probably something a-brewing that will materialise shortly.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special occasions.  still ok.  still not fantastic.  but working on it.  in fact, i bought cards and gifts for upcoming events.  so there.  but still a distance to go to win this one.  sadly, i have been so self-absorbed in my funk i don't think i have given this goal enough of my energies.  lame.

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  my plane ticket to cape town is booked and paid for!  sadly, the visits i was looking forward to where friends from my past, international life were going to be stopping into the yyc were dashed and i am still longing for trips to cities in eastern canada and the us, but i must be realistic and acknowledge that they likely won't happen during 29.

but 30 looks like it might have a trip in store for me.  a 30th celebration trip, in fact.  a 30th celebration trip with my best friend.  but the details are yet to be worked out.  just a daydream at this time.

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  errr...  i could sum up a lot of my frustrations over the past few weeks and months by struggling to come to any sort of answer on this one.  so far i have got as far as 'i don't want to be doing what i am doing for too much longer.'  and i guess knowing that is better than not.  but still, is it so hard to know what you want to be when you grow up?!

although it has been a constant thought on my mind, in the past few days i have felt closer to knowing.  nothing yet to divulge to the universe (and it isn't even clear enough in my own head to attempt to put down in coherent sentences yet), but somehow, someway, i am finding clarity around what i want to be doing in a year's time.

these past two years working in the private sector have been wonderful experience and i now see a career path that i didn't even know existed previously.  i don't see exactly how it twists and turns or where it leads, but i was recently asked what advice i would give to someone who would like to be where i am now and my answer?  to allow the path to take you where it will and to always be flexible, accept challenges, and figure out the details later.

perhaps it is time to take my own advice (um, hello?!  are you so blind?!  this seems rather obvious!) so that is how i am approaching the second half of 29.  a little faith, more hard work, and confidence in the journey.

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  eesh.  that is all i have.  not an i-can't-pay-my-mortgage eesh, but just an eesh.  maybe an i-could-really-use-a-budget eesh or even an can-i-pay-someone-to-get-handle-on-incoming-and-outgoing-cash eesh, but certainly no where near an i-am-irresponsible-with-money eesh.

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals.  this slow cooker is doing wonders for my nutrition!  i eat at home more often and have meals full of vegetables (and meat, because it turns out that a lot of slow cooker recipes call for meat...).

but i did have chocolate cake and coffee for dinner this evening...  and because i ate a lot of lacklustre, light weight, dehydrated meals on my hike on vancouver island, i have been 'rewarding' myself with my guilty pleasure of cheeseburgers more often than is healthy.

i feel as though with the changing of the seasons and the impending cool down of autumn, i will be in my kitchen and entertaining more often meaning i will be eating well and sharing food with family and friends.

7 - sleep an appropriate amount.  i have really been enjoying my sleeps lately, which is so important as there is nothing better than being out on a saturday night and just looking forward to coming home, crawling into bed, and doozing off knowing no alarm will be waking you.  and in the morning, when i am not exhausted and can get up and at 'em instead of needing a few extra minutes (about 10 times) because i don't wake up rested on a sunday morning because i have been overtired all week is a triumph.

clean sheets, a hot bath (with epson salts courtesy of my mama), and a good book has been just the ticket.  and much needed as i have overcome some rather trying days at my day job in the past few weeks.

8 - maintain my priorities.  really, this should just be all the previous goals wrapped into one.  if i could stay on top of all the last 7, then this one would come naturally.  unfortunately, that wasn't really the case this past month.  and part of it was because i was absolutely tuckered right out at the end of a work day that i didn't want to do anything afterwards and that included doing fun things or social things or educational things.  so i became sort of boring and lazy.  but i have had some lovely, low-key weekends (both at the cabin and in the city) and i managed to refocus and am rounding out the month on a high.

9 - keep asking for what i want.  come to think of it, i haven't asked for too much this month.  thrown a few more job applications into the mix and sent some good vibes to the universe, but haven't articulated exactly what i want.  but part of that is because i am not exactly sure that i know.  or i haven't had the confidence to state what i want.  but i am getting there and once i do, i might just come knocking on your door with a request.

juan de fuca - do it!

it is sort of my style to be worried and anxious before a big event and hiking the 47km juan de fuca trail was no different.  a friend and i had planned to do it over 4 days over the august long weekend and when i was doing my researches on the interwebs, i kept coming upon sites saying 'it is really hard' or 'don't kid yourself, this hike is TOUGH,' or other doomsayers going on about how hard it would be.  this did nothing for my confidence that i could not only handle the hike, but actually enjoy it too.

but (but!), i was absolutely fine, the hike was certainly challenging at parts and there was a lot of elevation gain over the course of the 4 days, but listening to the ocean and camping at some gorgeous sites made all those heart rate rising hills worth it.

this was my itinerary (because this is what i wanted to know before i did it):

day 1 - botanical beach to little kuitche creek campground (14km)

• this day was by far, the toughest for me.  it was 14km to the campsite and i felt like i had to have a little chat with my legs each time i wanted them to take a big step up a rock.  there are a lot of boardwalks and fun bridges made out of the trees, but man, some of them are BIG steps for short legs.
• i also had a bit of a shriek when we came across a garter snake that didn't even have the courtesy to get out of my way when i nearly stepped on it, eek.

day 2 - little kuitche creek to chin beach (12km)

• this day was more challenging, but i didn't feel like i had to motivate my legs to keep moving, they just did.  camping at the beach was stunning and my hiking partner was absolutely exhausted by the end of the day (and with a sore knee after a fall on the slippery rocks) so we spent our evening sitting in the gorgeous evening sun, watching the water and staying out of the wind by sitting amongst the driftwood.
• and we saw sea lions!  and they were cute!  and rather awkward when trying to move along the rocks.
• it was so nice to wake up in the morning and take our time making coffee and breakfast over the stove before strapping our backpacks on and heading out along the beach.

day 3 - chin beach to bear beach (12km)

• listed on the government issued map as 'most difficult,' there were a lot of switchbacks and hills as you dance along the coastline, but again, i felt strong and capable of the cardiovascular and muscular fitness even though i was fretting about how difficult 'very difficult' would be.
• i have to say, we were both thrilled to see the sign for 'bear beach' when it appeared and we knew there were no more switchbacks in our future, yippee.
• out campsite on bear beach was beautiful and quite secluded, which was great.  we named our site doreen after a buoy that had washed up nearby and had a campfire as we sat by the ocean.

day 4 - bear beach to china beach (9km)

• back to 'moderate' difficulty, this day was a breeze and i felt a little disappointed when we reached the final kilometre marker.  it was the only day when we saw a lot of others, mostly day hikers, but i felt proud that we were carrying all of our gear and had the filth and dirt to go along with 4 straight days of hiking.  and we managed to reach the west coast trail bus pick up point with a few hours to spare and time to eat the remaining food that we had.  but i must say that i packed well and estimated the right amount of food.

a few other thoughts on this hike.  i wouldn't want to do it without the absolutely perfect weather that we had.  i suppose even if you couldn't have the benefit of the beautiful sunny skies that dry weather would be a minimum to make it really enjoyable.  i had hoped to see more sunsets, but we were often on the side of a point that blocked the sun setting over the water.  and besides, we were in bed before 9 each night!

there are lots of streams to collect drinking and cooking water and campsites were not over crowded and apart from one bear cache malfunction and many tries before successfully hanging out food, we had almost no issues.  a few minor blisters that 2nd skin took care of and some taped toes and we were good to go!

it was so nice to be out in the middle of 'nowhere' without mobile phone reception and not a care in the world past finding drinking water and estimating how much fuel we had left in the stove.  being sweaty, dirty, and without a shower for 4 days on end was just what i needed to gain some clarity and confidence and i am thrilled that i did this hike and can't wait for an opportunity to do something like this again.

29+5

it's goal update time again!  i am officially 29 and a half tomorrow.  and i have a few bones to pick with 29, but i have faith that it will smarten up for its final half.


1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  i am not feeling anxious lately, which is a good thing.  more of a general frustration and without a lot of direction of what the eff i am doing.  some days, i feel confident, sure that i am on the right path, and something is just around the corner.  but then other days, i am lethargic and melancholy and resemble pig pen surrounded by a cloud of gloom.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special occasions.  i am doing ok.  not fantastically well, but ok.  and if facebook messages count, then i am on top of my game!  but sadly, that wasn't really the intention of this goal so i am not totally on the ball.  september is a big birthday month in my family though and i am already a little bit ahead of that game, so there's that.

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  south africa is certainly in the works and i have sent messages to friends in cape town to see if i can visit with them.  and lucky for me, i have two friends coming to me in august and both are friends i knew in nairobi, one who now lives in east timor and the other in darfur, so it will be grand to catch up with them.


i will also get a visit in with my dad while i am in victoria this weekend (and a ride to the trailhead, yippee!) and am planning on spending more time at my family's cabin in the month of august and even though this is not technically what i had in mind with this goal, i am looking forward to it.

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  um, yeah.  i feel as though this year so far has been the year of opportunities that were not to be, but were so damn close!  there are a few more irons in the fire that could materialise into something, but no word yet on my dream job...

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  apparently 4 day hiking trips can be expensive.  but other than that, i am saving my pennies and will do until i have to fork out the dollars for my plane ticket to cape town.  until then though, my nest egg is coming along.  my new laptop took a chunk out of it, but full time hours, an increase in my billing rates, and freelance writing work are adding up.

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals.  i didn't even eat dinner last night.  in fact, i ate lunch and that was it.  today i didn't eat until 1 and will hopefully remember to eat dinner too.  honestly, living alone in the summer means that i a) eat out a lot or b) don't eat unless i am starving and then just open the fridge and make a meal out of whatever combination of food hasn't gone bad.  the other night it was spinach pasta with gorgonzola cheese and asparagus on the side.  that is one of the better combos i have come up with, normally they include pretzels and dill pickles.  eesh.

7 - sleep an appropriate amount.  i am sleeping well, even with some of the hot evenings we have had, and have made a point a few nights this month to get to bed early enough to read some of my book before sleeping.  this might sound like something a Normal Person who do Regularly, but i don't and typically end up watching crappy tv (go chris go!) until i am exhausted and haul my behind to my bed. 


oh, this is sort of funny and involves sleeping...  i wanted to try out my new sleeping bag and was lying in it watching more bad tv and i fell asleep only to wake up in a pool of sweat because, hey, guess what?!   my sleeping bag is good up to 10 degrees and it was hot as balls in there when i woke up.  good to know that it will keep me warm this weekend!

8 - maintain my priorities.  i think i am doing well and especially after a spring where i felt pulled in all directions simultaneously, i am approaching a state of balance where i feel i am on top of most things, including my contract positions and my health and fitness (well, apart from the sore hoof).  this applies to all parts of my life except the state of my nest...  and because of the disaster i now find myself living in and because i seem to be able to work my buns off and save my pennies, i figure a good use of those pennies would be to hire someone to keep my nest in a presentable state.  hence, i am going to hire a housekeeper.  da da dun!


i feel slightly like a glutton for this decision, but it makes sense and it will allow me to continue to find balance by being outside to enjoy the summer weather and socialising with my networks while also getting paid work done while i am at home rather than feeling guilty about watching my bad tv when i should be dusting shelves, cleaning fridges, and sweeping floors.  

9 - keep asking for what i want.  i am keeping up with this one.  i haven't asked for anything monumental lately, but i have been giving some deep thought to what it is i do want and putting that out to the universe.  i suspect that when i see something i want, i will have all the confidence to ask for it like i deserve it and that is good enough for the midpoint of 29 as far as i am concerned.

mish mash on a friday afternoon

in perusing my regular blogs (over there on the left),  i found a link to a vso study on why the images of poor, starving ethiopians during the live aid campaign have caused negative implications in the stereotype of africans.  now, this is not revolutionary in idea, but it is good to see research collected on the lasting impacts of that media campaign.  after a full read, i do think the research is biased in that it is totally poo-pooing on the media and on western views of developing countries while also saying that we have so much to learn from them (which may, or may not, be true, but it seems a bit cheeky to push that so much towards the end of the report when that wasn't the stated focus of the research).  but, it is worth a read.

and i should send it to the next person who tells me they want to go to africa to volunteer in an orphanage.

in other news, i have found a travel partner to join me in south africa, my mom!  yay.  i am even more excited about this trip now!  so much to sort out before then, but lots of time to do it.  should we visit the wineries, should we go to the district six museum, should we go up table mountain, should we go to simons point for breakfast and to see the penguins, should we visit my friends in the townships???

and speaking of trips, i am all packed and ready to go for the juan de fuca trail...  i have two sets of insoles for my hiking boots in hopes that one of them will avoid my crying due to foot pain and i bringing along a bottle of extra strength advil, which seem to do the trick.

i just need to pop out and see if i can find some 2nd skin and then i am off to victoria!  eek.

ready or not, juan, here i come!

i am not sure if i have committed myself to something that is far over my head, but in three short weeks, i will be hiking the juan de fuca trail on vancouver island.  i haven't done any overnight hiking in years and haven't been running or doing much of anything too active for weeks, so this might turn out to be the stupidest decision i have ever made or the challenge that i need right now.

it is less than 42km and we will be doing it over 4 days so that is less than 12km per day, which sounds rather doable.  until, of course, i consider i will be carrying everything i need on my back!

i have expressed my anxieties about this endeavour to my friend who i am going with and he has assured me that he will carry the heavy stuff and will be there to make sure that i get up all the hills and across all the puddles.  but still, i am scared.

but considering my recent wobbles and general attitude about my life lately, maybe this is what i need?

it didn't help that when i googled the hike (on my new, as yet unnamed, but beloved) laptop, i found the following quote:

"The Juan de Fuca trail is one of the most difficult trails I've ever hiked. There's tons of mud, puddles, rain, difficult-to-negotiate exposed roots, steep up and downs, blow-downs and cobbles." He also admits, "It's one of the most beautiful regions I've hiked through, but you earn it, that's for sure."

all i am going to say is that there may be tears.

29 + 4

1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  remember last month and when i was thrilled with my ability to kick anxiety's ass?  wow, what a difference a month makes.  and as i just mentioned, i do not feel as though i am winning.  no specific anxieties, just a general sense of anxiousness pervading my days.  and i can't kick this idea that time is running out.  time to do what?  i am not sure.  but i do feel like i need to get on with something.  just not sure what that something is.

blah.  working on it, but blah.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special events, days, occasions.  i don't think i have done much of this this month as i have been a little preoccupied with keeping my life together.  one thing that i have done is take on some additional work as my supervisor is going through the death of a family member and i have been happy to do it.  but i still owe my bro $40 because i forgot to bring cash to put in his card and i sent my step-dad a birthday text a day late.  sheesh.  i need to get this one together!

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  i got out to vancouver island for a long weekend of family time and it was absolutely stunning.  my trip to south africa is still in the most initial stages of planning and there is a small, small hope that i migth get to visit friends in another city yet this summer.  fingers crossed!

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  let's just say that this one is on hold.  opportunities are coming up with my day job and i managed to get a raise at my part time job, but i am working on the other details.

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  unlike previous months this year, this is going better than the rest.  i have been working a lot, which is good for my bank account, and i have not been spending too much (except for that little spree last thursday... oh, the sales got the better of me!).  it helps that tax season is over for me and i have a clue about how much i will have to pay in coming years and can save/spend appropriately.

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals.  just spent the weekend at my fam's cabin and that did wonders for my regular meat eating.  but still when i am at home alone i eat garlic dill pickles for dinner and that likely won't change any time soon!

actually, after the inspiration of regular meals of the cabin, i cooked shrimp for the first time ever tonight.  it was deceptively easy and i will certainly do that again.  because unless i continue to have vegetarian friends over for dinner (as i did a few weeks ago), i will have to expand my cooking repertoir past meat (and by extension, any shell fish) free dishes.

7 - sleep an appropriate amount.  the jetlag from asia took me quite some time to get over and that put a bit of a damper in my sleeping schedule, but since then!  i have managed to get it together and haven't even been napping much lately.  oh, except for after returning from a conference in banff for work where i certainly did not get enough sleep between 7am meetings and 2am bedtimes.

with stampede around the corner and a few parties already planned, i will surely need to plan for a few extra hours during the 10 days of partying in this town.

8 - maintain my priorities.  i am doing my best to stick with my priorities, but i am afraid that i have not been exercising as much as i should lately and a lot of my energies have been spent on work and on people who might not deserve them so a check is in order and i feel as though i have already started putting things back where they should be and remembering what is important.

9 - keep asking for what i want.  the first thing would be to figure out what it is that i want!  and lately it seems like a moving goal post...

it started with a seed

over 4 years ago (and i remember this because it was just before the last world cup), i went to london with my bf at the time and my parents, who were visiting from canada.  we rented a sedan, took ourselves for a holiday of live theatre and sightseeing, and visited portobello market.  and in that lovely market, we bought some seedy bread.  and one of those seeds got stuck between my teeth.

like, really stuck.  stuck so badly that for a few days i had a constant dull ache on that side of my mouth.

eventually, with my mad skills in the flossing department, i got that seed out and there would always be a larger space between those two teeth than any of my others.

i adapted to this by carrying around my favourite kind of floss to make sure i thoroughly floss after eating anything that had a tendency to get stuck in there.  apples, beef, anything stringy.  gross, but i never got the 'floss more' lecture from the dentist because i became mildly obsessed.

and when my sis and bro-in-law and i were sitting down to a cold beer and a bite to eat in victoria last weekend before boarding our plane back to calgary, i noticed that i had a hole in my tooth.  a hole in my tooth!  i had my sister investigate it (yes, in the restaurant) and we agreed that it was most likely a cavity, which seemed inevitable.  i made sure to get in to the dentist the very next day and when they told me that my tooth was actually broken and that they suggested repairing it with a crown, i braced myself for the freezing, the drills, and the awfulness of the dentist in general and went for it.

but being frozen that evening really threw me for a loop and put me in a bit of a funk that lasted through the week.  the miserable weather and confusing text message dating certainly didn't help, but the invasion of having someone's hands in my mouth and not being able to feel half of my face for a number hours seems to have had quite a psychological impact.  and it wasn't nice.

i dug myself out of the funk that week and had a lovely weekend full of beers on patios, hikes in kananaskis, and a patio-hopping fundraising event full of food, wine, and good friends.

but that was not what was on my mind later in the evening after i was at the dentist, as i was on the phone with a call centre in india, half my face frozen, having an ugly cry because i didn't know the difference between a modem and a router.  but the nice, young fellow on the phone wasn't bothered and sorted my internets while i felt sorry for myself.  but i bet that if he were located in canada, working at midnight, and having to put up with a whiney mess like me, he would not have been nearly as patient!

29 + 3 - what a month!

1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  still kicking anxiety's arse.  mostly through a lot of self talk, taming the crazy, and talking it out with good friends when i feel anxiety rearing its ugly head.  and no more meds, yippee.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special events, days, occasions. a found out a friend who was recently married was just broken into and they lost most of what they received at their wedding.  i didn't know what to do, so i sent her some flowers.  i realise this is as much about me as it was about her, but it made her day and it made me smile.  i also sent a friend a book that i think he'd enjoy and to ease the sting of having to miss mama's day, i put a card in the post before i left.  i'd say for one month, that was pretty good.

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  imagine me, sitting on a boat, alone, in the middle of halong bay in vietnam, sorting out my priorities and my 6 month plan.  imagine me thinking to myself, 'no more international travel for 6 months because you must save money.'  then imagine me getting home to an invitation to attend my friend's wedding in south africa in october!!  i obviously had to say yes and then i had to follow that up with an affirmative answer when she asked me to be a bridesmaid!  i am rather looking forward to it and although this is not exactly what i planned during my vietnamese goal setting session, it does allow me another chance to meet my goals for the year!

and i am heading to vancouver island this weekend for some sea kayaking, some wine drinking, and some family visiting, yay!

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  see #3 on the goal setting.  part of why i wanted to stop travelling so much for the next 6 months is so that i could save my pennies in preparation to pursue international work in 2011.  as i am keen to work on short term contracts on emergency response as a protection officer, i can't very well predict the next haiti or when darfur needs additional support in the protection department.  i also don't know if anyone will want me (although they did want me in haiti last week... until they realised i don't speak french) so i need to built a nest egg to cover my regular expenses in case i do not find something as soon as i start looking.

my trip to south africa might change my timeline or i might just keep it the same and make a bigger crunch in my spending, we shall see.

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  still failing.  trips to vietnam and south africa are mostly getting in the way of this.  and the fact that we are just coming out of tax season and corporate taxes are a pain in my behind and are denting my bank account.

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals.  still not doing so well, but it is tough to stock your fridge with groceries when you are not in your nest for more than two weeks at a time!  i am making healthier choices (except for that night last week where i had chocolate cake for dinner and that other night when i was still so hungover from the night before that i ordered pizza and was mildly ashamed that they now have my address on file).

7 - sleep an appropriate amount.  napping is sort of my new hobby.  it started with the jet lag, was prolonged with copious wine drinking, and is maintained with early, productive mornings.  so it is not so bad and i am feeling rather rested when i am awake, it is just that my sleeping hours are a bit of a hot mess.

8 - maintain my priorities.  as mentioned, my alone time in vietnam was great and so was the training i was on in thailand because it allowed me to step back from the life i am currently leading and evaluate a few things.  namely, whether or not i am happy and content where i am, whether or not my jobs are fulfilling, and what i have to do now to set me up for success in my future endeavours. 

the outcome of all this thinking was that i need to save money in the coming months and i need to continue plugging away in my current jobs to build a good foundation for future employment and my nest egg.  i was also feeling as though i had lost my life/work balance in the weeks leading up to my trip to vietnam and it was a reminder that it is not the work itself that was creeping into my personal life, but the worries and frustrations.  and these were mostly coming from my trafficking-related work.  and volunteers.  and managing the crazy people who want to start their own ngos.  and the crazies who take the opportunity to yell at me during events.  you can imagine that it became rather taxing on my patience.

i returned to calgary feeling refreshed and ready to jump into spring and summer with the intention of taking full advantage of my current location and spending time at the cabin, running, and getting out more.  but the instant i turned on my work blackberry, i realised this would not be as easy as i imagined.  and it hasn't been.  i am largely back to juggling competing demands on my time and scheduling fun.  it had better not all been for naught though and i will keep working to find that elusive balance between my friends, my family, my corporate job, my non-profit job, my health, my running, my neglected nest, etc.

9 - keep asking for what i want.  there hasn't been anything i have asked for recently, perhaps i should change this!

unless, asking for help to do my trafficking job better by finding a dedicated volunteer to take on a portion of what i have been trying to stay on top of, but have let slip.  doesn't sound like much, but it is for someone who isn't in the habit of asking for help in that type of stuff!

29 + 2

1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  after a challenging month in february, i managed to do quite well in march on the anxiety front.  not much new to report apart from learning more about how to manage anxiety medicinally and risks involved in doing so.  i also learned that my life will likely never slow down to a pace where there is not something i won't be even just slightly anxious about, and god help me if it did.  i like being busy, i don't like being overwhelmed.  ebbs and flows.  such is life.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special events, days, occassions.  i wanted to find a most meaningful and thoughtful gift for the wedding that i went to last weekend, but i ended up with a gift card, which did not meet either of my criteria.  but i have recently ordered a book online to give to a friend who i know will enjoy it and i have another little something waiting in my home office to be popped into the post.  slow and steady will win this race.

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  my trip to visit my dad on vancouver island is all but booked and in that short hop over to bc i am also hoping to see a cousin.  i am making headway into plans to visit dc this summer, but that will also depend on others' schedules.  i have a standing invitation to visit israel that i could possibly take up, but for now, i am going to focus a little closer to home.  or at least stick to my own continent.

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  as i mentioned here yesterday, i have been a networking machine lately and the nice thing about being so busy this past week (so much so that i didn't know my own middle name) was that  i also didn't have to time to wonder, 'what next?' or 'what if?' or 'when?' and just got stuff done.  my thoughts are that the stuff i have completed recently is enough to keep me content where i am.

i could use a little more motivation in my day job, but whenever i have meetings with my bosses they seem completely content and satisified with my work so instead of caring if i am performing up to my own standards, i should just stop worrying or caring and concentrate on making progress in other parts of my life that could lead to more focused jobs in the future.  maybe.

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  red light and parking tickets are really not helping my cause here.  dieter and i need to be a little more careful on the road.  i am going to mexico in two weeks' time with my family and i am thrilled that the price tag will be more than worth the fun and time we will have.  but other than that, i am trying to save my pennies for tax season.  then i will get myself properly sorted in the saving/investing/general finances zones.

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals.  i was running around the city last week and in doing so, ate a lot of crap.  delicious, but unhealthy food.  i have next to nothing in my fridge or pantry at home so the first step to addressing this current situation will be to go grocery shopping tonight and plan a menu for the coming days.

i also need to stop eating the Sausage, Egg & Cheese on English Muffin from Starbucks and any of the Manuel Latruwe croissants served at Phil & Sebastian...

this is becoming increasingly important as i am preparing to run a half marathon in early may and am playing around with my pre and post running meals and snacks.  so far, eating at least an hour before i run and eating something packed with energy seems to be getting me through with a few little pick-me-ups of some sort of processed gooey energy bites.  i am still confused as to what i should eat after a run though, some people say something packed with protein, others say something packed with carbs.  i generally just need to put something, anything in my mouth and then follow it with a latte.

7 - sleep an appropriate amount.  i sleep when i need to.  this sometimes includes napping.  in my napping outfit (just take off your pants and voila! napping outfit).  it also includes sleeping in when i have been out drinking tequila at weddings.  or getting up early when i need to get into my office for an early morning meeting.  still doing well.  but still not regular at all.

8 - maintain my priorities.  i was tested in this regard recently.  and i came out on top.  or so i think.  i have had a lot of responsibilities lately and the only thing that i felt i really dropped in the process was my punctuality and organisation as i was late for something that i swore started later than it did.

through my recent scheduling madness, i kept up my running, i kept up my socialising with my friends, and i kept up the communication with my family.  i took a step back from my day job with intention and judged where my time and energies were best spent before making any changes or decisions.  like i said, i think i did ok with this over the past month and i am hopeful that i have set myself up for some success in the coming months because of it.

9 - keep asking for what i want.  well, i haven't had to ask for things that i want lately.  but that could possibly be that i am not sure what it is that i want.  i am really good at asking when i do know that i want something (like a week long training provided by noraid in bangkok coming up in may that i am waiting to hear back on), but i am less inclined to give something to universe and ask for what i want that way.  lack of confidence to hand over control, i suppose.  but i have held on to my power without fail in 29 so there is something to be said for that.

wow, that was sort of a cryptic recap, sorry about that.  hope it is interesting reading, even if you have to do it between the lines.