29+11

i am late again on the monthly goal update.  and i am almost through my 29th year!  yay.  and eek.  and wow.

1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  eesh.  constant battle.  uphill and then some downhill.  and then there was november.  it was tough.  but it is over!  anxiety can be a temperamental bitch.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special occasions. with the upcoming holiday season, i am trying to keep on top of this and have confidence that i will.  i also have some bits and bobs to send off to friends in south africa so i had better get those in the post asap.

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  my next trip will hopefully be a visit with dear friends in the states, although the details are yet to be finalised.  and i will have a parental house guest over christmas so there will certainly be plenty of visiting!

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  remember the anxiety surrounding november?  well, much of it was related to this.  i have gathered quite the momentum over the past few years, culminating in recognition as one of the top leaders in my city under 40, but that recognition has made me wonder 'now what?'  and worry about how i can improve and grow.  this should be a time where i am able to focus on opportunity, but sometimes having too many choices can be equally overwhelming as not having enough.  i am not complaining, just working through the kinks.  in doing so, i really hope a pathway emerges towards a goal...

then again, i feel like i have been saying that months on end!

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  doing well!  i also overcame a slight panic about my corporate taxes and how much i owed the government by talking with my accountant this past month.  i am in good shape and set for the upcoming fiscal year.  even if i have spent the better part of my afternoon at work looking up cheap beach vacation packages!

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals. two months running for a fat goose egg!  i have been cooking more regularly at home and whipping up some delicious meals.  after spending a hung over sunday afternoon watching anthony bourdaine's cooking show where he taught his viewership how to make a delightful beef bourguinon, i decided to try my own hand at the classic french dish.  at 10pm.  on a tuesday. 

everything was going well until i was frying the pearl onions in butter and oil on my stove (it was 11:15pm by this point) and my smoke alarm went off!  which means it does not just go off in my own building, but in the three buildings in my townhouse complex!!  meaning that everyone had to either put up with the high pitched screeching that the alarm makes or wait out in the -10 degree cold while we waited for the firefighters to come and reset the alarm!!!

except for me, who hid in my house and thought it best that i clean up my entire kitchen, put my cook book away, take off my apron, and make a feeble attempt to hide all evidence that it was me who was cooking at 11pm!

but, perhaps arrogantly, i did not turn the bourguinon off as to not interrupt its delicious cooking process in the oven.  and it truly was a delight when it was done cooking.  and after the smoke alarm went off.

7 - sleep an appropriate amount. during periods of intense anxiety, one of my coping mechanisms (healthy or not) is to sleep.  and then sleep some more.  i know it helps my mind turn off for awhile, but it certainly gets in the way of actual real, wakeful life when you sleep for 12 hours in a day.  as my mood has improved, so has my sleeping schedule and i have intentionally scheduled a lot more down time during the month of december to make sure i am not overworked or overburdened with too many social or professional commitments.

8 - maintain my priorities.  as i just mentioned, i have made a mindful decision not to book myself up too much this month and it has resulted in a happier, more balanced me.  i am still not totally sure what my priorities would be if i listed them or what order they would appear, but simply having ME at the top has been good for my spirit.  i think this is something i will need to spend more time on in the new year and it will likely have a positive impact on goals 1 and 4 as well.

9 - keep asking for what i want.  i recently asked to go to a training on working with the aboriginal community in canada that was approved (and paid for!) at work (but since postponed until the new year).  i suspected raising my hand at work will be necessary and beneficial for me in the coming months, but i am going to make sure i am asking for the work that i want to do and am interested in.
 
i have also asked for a reorganisation in my non-profit work.  the outcome of this restructuring could mean that i can take a step back by hiring someone who will work under me and take care of administrative tasks to free my time for higher level discussions, relationship building, and capacity building.  and that will all be good.
 
i also made a christmas list!  and it includes sparkling water because that stuff is heavy, yo!  and i struggle to carry it home from the grocery store.  it is so delicious and one of my guilty pleasures (along with cooking beef bourguinon late at night!)

5 days of excitement to go

in five days' time i will be on a jetplane, heading to heathrow to transfer to johannesburg and then on to cape town!  i have no idea how long it will take to get there, but i am well prepared with three books and a little bit of work that i have committed to finishing while i am away (not so much work as copy writing for a friend).  my books of choice include the first two in Stieg Larsson's series, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Played With Fire.  everyone and their dog keeps talking about them, including that there is an element of human trafficking to the story line, so i am jumping on the literary bandwagon and will read them as well.

i also purchased The Help, which i kept picking up at the bookstore and finally bought it online (say what you will about amazon taking away sales from local booksellers, i love the convenience and the process of looking forward to and then receiving a package in the post).

i thought i would have to go on a wild goose chase for shoes to wear to the wedding where i will be a bridesmaid, but i managed to shop in my own closet and find a pair of black, strappy sandals that i got last year in thailand and haven't worn very often back at home.  dressy and sassy?  no, but they will do for a wedding i am travelling halfway around the world to attend to wear with a dress i have never seen?  why yes, yes they are.

as i have mentioned, we've got a few great places to stay already booked and i have noted with asterisks in my lonely planet and rough guide the sights i would like to show my mom in cape town and cape point, wineries i would like to visit in and around stellenbosch, and a whale watching tour out of hermanus.  we are also planning on getting to the sleepy town of bredasdorp so i can show my mom where i lived over 5 years ago and i am crossing my fingers that i will see the woman that i lived with while i was there.  it might be a bit strange walking up to my the half door of the house and knocking.  if she remembers me, i might give her a bit of a heart attack!

i am certainly ready to take a break from the daily grind and the tidal wave i seem to have created.  i spent a lot of time this past week getting on top of my To Do list and feel as though i am leaving all my projects in a state that will not spontaneously combust without regular attention - my volunteers have tasks to take care of, my meetings and workshops are all set up for when i returned and my prep work for them is nearly done, i have someone looking after the nest in my absence, and i have tentative hallowe'en plans and a group of girls thinking up a costume for me.

so all that is left is 5 days of excitement and counting down!

way up

things really are looking up and here is proof:

• the calgary parking authority sent me a cheque.  i am not sure exactly why, but i'll take the $50!
• i gained a few new freckles on my morning run today.
• it is friday and i got to go for a morning run.
• freckles only come when there is sun!
• i used my free starbies drink coupon that they sent me for my birthday because i registered my starbucks card
• i searched through my drawers and found 4 totally wearable bikinis to take to mexico so no need to purchase a new one

this, too, is a true story

here are some things that happened to me yesterday:

• i tamed my crazy and it worked out for the best
• well, this
• i met a really nice, really handsome police officer and felt a bit like a voyeur seeing his badge
• i ate a cheeseburger at the hockey game and man, was it ever delicious
• i was sort of asked to join another board, but this time because of the way i am always dressed so nicely and they thought that that might encourage men to join the board as well... i think it was mostly a joke
• i got another package in the mail from california from a lovely etsy seller.  and it is double exciting because it is going to be a gift!
• i managed to answer a lot of tough questions from a tough crowd at a workshop i facilitated

q: what makes a good day?

a: dinner with my family, who are funnier than anyone i know.  really.

a: praise and recognition from not one, but two, of my bosses.

a: two of my orders from etsy arrived in the mail today.

a: my mama's roast beef dinner.

a: so you think you can dance AND glee on tv in the same night (and i didn't even need to pvr them!).

a: a cheque arrived in the mail.  and who doesn't love cheques arriving?

a: two requests for dates.

it's all true

borrowed from this lady, here are 10 things about me that you may not have already known.

1 - most people are surprised to learn that by nature, i am an introvert and shy, sometimes painfully. although i do enjoy public speaking.

2 - things i love include writing, learning new cities, q tips, david suzuki, the smell of scotch tape, earl grey tea, chocolate fudge cake from nairobi java house, kofi annan, alberta beef, barack obama's smile, the smell of pine trees, music that almost makes you cry, going out for breakfast even though i don't like most breakfast foods, airports, novels, daytimers, creme brule, medium or dark roast black coffee, that feeling that you get two days after you've used your muscles, french red wine, tulips, buying clothes, and receiving mail both electronic and snail. that list is not exhaustive.

3 - i could tell my sister anything. while i wouldn't tell my brothers anything, i could be anyone or do anything with them.

4 - my recent love life reads like a soap opera drama. do you know anyone who actually went to an airport expecting someone to arrive only to find out they had never bought a ticket for the flight? well, now you do.

5 - i have really big feet for my size. i would quite like to trade them for a more user-friendly pair.

6 - i want to be famous. but not in the celebrity way. in the way that i am known for something. and i google myself regularly.

7 - my newest canadian hero is louise arbour. she will soon be the executive director of the International Crisis Group.

8 - i am neither a cat person nor a dog person, i am both. and i don't think you should have to choose between them. my dog has one eye and my cat sleeps on my bed every night. my brother says that although you are never supposed to talk about a girl's weight, my cat seems to have lost her waist line in recent years. that is also true.

9 - blueberries are my favourite berry.

10 - if i won the lottery, i would go back to uni and study my little heart out. i would also travel around the world, staying in the cheapest as well as the most luxurious hotels i could find. i'd drink san pelligrino exclusively and provide numerous microfinance loans to people in canada and abroad.

not so sweet potato pie

while i wouldn't give it as much praise as other reviewers have, i quite liked the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. it took me one week of train rides commutes to get through it and contrary to my regular opinion on the format, i enjoyed the letters, notes, and telegrams that went back and forth between the characters.

i absolutely adored the main character of Juliet Ashton in all her imagination, idealism, and wit. she travels from post WWII london to the island of guernsey, which had been occupied by the germans during the war. as always, i loved the elements of history in the story and it covered a lot of ground and pieces of the plot without rushing or oversimplifying, which i think was the result of the authors (Mary Ann Shaffer & Annie Barrows) choice to use the letter format.

and perhaps i enjoyed the book so much because i do love sending and receiving mail, especially that which comes through the letter box (although my inbox excites me too) and this book allows you into the personal writing and receiving of the various and diverse characters.

need an easy, lighthearted read about the acute effects of the the second world war on a small island in the united kingdom? pick it up!


i also must read more about oscar wilde. read the book and you will see why. (i did kiss his headstone in a cemetary in paris, well pretended to anyways)

courtesy call

(july 9, 2008)

when i don’t need to wake to an alarm and roll out of bed to throw on the least wrinkly clothes to get to work on time (as much as i love mornings, i am beginning to think that i am not a morning person), i like to leisurely take my time after i wake up, have a cup of tea, listen to a cbc podcast, read my book, do the previous night’s dishes, and stay in my pyjamas until i am good and ready to get moving on the nesting that has to be done.

last week, on a few mornings between 9 and 10 my doorbell would ring and i wasn’t sure if it was the downstairs bell ringing or the one immediately outside my door. as my front door has foggy glass so you cannot see through it but can see movements, i would have a minor panic attack and would try not to move so as not to make The Squeakiest Floor Ever squeak and to draw attention to the fact that i was inside my flat but just not answering the door.

as my german is at best abysmal and i did not want to meet my neighbours with bed head, a cup of tea, and my striped pyjamas, i would sit still and patiently wait for enough to time to pass to assume that if anyone was outside of my door they would figure i was not in. sort of like how they count to 5 on LOST.

late last week i poked my head out of my giant front window and saw the mailman riding his bike away shortly after the bell rang. what a nice courtesy to ring my bell when i have mail! no more need for me to creep quietly around in the mornings to conceal the fact that i am taking my lady of leisuredom seriously.

and how about that mailman on a bike?!

fresh batch of undies

last night i had written something to post today and then i forgot it at home on a flashdisk. i also forgot my phone, which makes me feel liberated and out of touch at the same time. i think i was flustered with the presence of a half dressed german in my kitchen this morning, eating my grapefruit over the kitchen sink.

instead i will post about the package i just received in the mail. oh how i love mail. this time my package included the following:

• new jann arden cd (where did she go? there is like half of her left but she does look damn good)
• 3 pairs of comfy knickers a la old navy
• 2 dip mixes (right in time for a potluck dinner party that i am hosting tonight)
• a letter from una desmadre mexicana (jaja, ya sabes que es broma)
• a nice note from my mama

un mil gracias!

meeting of the minds

what a fantastic photo.

my three favourite things about today were:

• the student's union shop gave me a pen because i bought one yesterday and they did not put it into my shopping bag, made a potentially frustrating situation so easy to deal with
• coming across some material in the library on the North's use of peacebuilding in the South to promote their own interests
• the man who works at the post office helped me to lick and stick all my stamps, never a fun task
• an invitation for chinese take out and a pint for tomorrow

now i realise that there are 4 but i didn't want to take one out once i thought of them all.

collecting the post

i got a package today, my first care package and it consisted of post-it notes, white out, a chocolate bar, and the most hilarious card i have seen in a long time. so hilarious in fact that i am going to try and recreate it for you here:

outside: a photo of 2 fancy old ladies sitting on a park bench with the words "Is it' butt naked' or 'buck naked'?"
inside: These are the kinds of questions I come to you for.

ok, i realise that this is not half as funny without this picture of this two old bitties on the front, but ask me sometime and i will show it to you and i guarantee you will laugh out loud. thank you sara for sending me such nice goodies along with the hilarious card and to taylor and hunter for the other cute card!

new thoughts to think

my faith in my academic program was renewed today. i was feeling a bit discouraged and unmotivated with all this talk of theories and no examples of the real world. but after a rather fascinating discussion in one of my lectures today, i am reinvigorated. my brain hurts in that way that your muscles hurt after a good workout. and who would have thought that knowing who Lloyd Axworthy is would have ever been so impressive! a time to feel rather proud of my country and the progress made in human security.

my day was brightened due to the arrival of FIVE pieces of mail. two more of the books i was expecting, some bank junk, and a card with a tea bag contraption from my mom, it all made me smile. even the bank stuff because it said that i was approved for a credit card! now i just have to figure out how this tea bag contraption works.

86 years worth of things to know

i hope that when i am 86, people want to listen to me and learn about all the things that i hope to know. sad really, when other, younger people discount that you have so much to share.

my nana is 86 and she is full of fantastic 86 year old thoughts and knowledge and i have only really started to get to know her. i don't know why visting and saying good bye makes me so sad when i have only ever met her a handful of times in my life. i hope to learn something from her in the course of the next year and to create something lasting.

i was thinking i could write her a letter or card now and again and show up with a new novel or her favourite biscuits. just because someone cannot hear does not mean they cannot read a nice handwritten letter. and who doesn't love a little mail now and again? i know i do!