do gooding as gospel

when i was 18, i dated a fellow who was five years my senior and who i thought knew a thing or two about life.  i recall vividly one conversation we had where he told me that of all the people he meets, he only really 'liked' 20% of them enough to want to be friends or see again.  in my youthful naivety, i recall feeling as though that was a very callous statement to make.

and now, at the ripe old age of 29, i feel that 20% was a truly conservative estimate and the proportion of the people i meet who i genuinely want to see again socially is somewhere near 10%. 

i brought this up at a brunch i was with four other ladies this weekend and in our discussions, we agreed that as we become more certain of what we believe and our own values, it makes it easier to make decisions about people and this is completely natural .  and sometimes, you meet people whose activities or comments tip you off to the fact that you likely will not get along.

my friend, an animal lover and vegetarian, said that she couldn't be friends with someone who hunted.  there was a general mmm-hmmm-ing about this.  i followed up with the statement, 'i don't think i could be friends with someone who told me they wanted to volunteer in an orphanage in africa.'

the response?

blink.  blink.  blink, blink.

and then i had to defend my comment and give a brief explanation of why volunteering in orphanages in africa is more often than not, a bad idea. 

the blog world that i am haphazardly a part of has done a great job recently, and perhaps due to the overwhelming response and criticism of aid to haiti, of describing why voluntourism and orphanages as industry is not a terribly great idea and i won't go into the details here.*  but what was really apparent through this exchange was how i felt i needed to justify my statement and opinion to people who had relatively low levels of knowledge on international development and aid because i felt as though i sounded so cold hearted and heartless.

i spent the better part of the rest of the brunch trying to convince them that a) i knew what i was talking about and b) that i am not a horrible, awful person who thinks that the poor, black babies of africa do not deserve our good intentions.  and to be honest, i am really not sure that i was that effective.

it was one of those situations where worlds collide and i was going through the rolodex of posts i have read over the past months in shaping my argument about why holding the value against volunteering at orphanages in africa is not so different that holding a value that includes believing that hunting is wrong.

i like what Tales From the Hood has to say about why we believe that we have the 'right' to help others and the intentions behind doing it.  and Good Intentions Are Not Enough often has posts that support the name of the blog.  and these are written by professionals in the aid and development community so i know i am not alone in my judgements and opinions.  and this also doesn't mean they are necessarily the gospel for all to live by, but it was a tough situation to be in and i wish i had a better arsenal of metaphorical weapons to use when confronted to defend why i believe what i do.

* if you are really interested in my thoughts on this, leave me a comment and i will try and string them together into something articulate in the future.

looking into the crystal ball

my girls and i had our monthly ladies' night last night and this time, to make it a little more interesting, we invited a psychic to join us and to do readings while we enjoyed our wine and tarts.  here is what she said:

• i should be a teacher or be teaching people, that is what i am here to do
• i will be moving to toronto in march or april and it will be for a job
• i try to be a master of whatever i choose to do
• i will likely go back to school to do a phd and this will be somewhere in eastern canada
• i might not have children because my life will revolve around my career and my husband
• my future is very positive
• my life will have many recurring patterns, a number of endings and beginnings
• my emotional health is good now and to keep it good, i should always exercise
• whoever i am meant to marry is in toronto and i am supposed to meet him next fall and it might be someone from my past, someone i have met a few years ago
• my brothers are going to be aok, even though one will experience various challenges, but he will just need us to let him know we care

and what do i think about all this stuff?  that much of what i heard made a lot of sense and makes me happy and excited about the future.  i think that i would like to have a family one day so i am doubtful that i would focus only on my career and not have children.  and i am not too sure what was going on with me marrying someone i already know because i really cannot think of someone i already know (unless of course we are talking about a certain someone that i met last week!) and the flip side of that is that i will meet someone next fall, but that just feels so far away!

going back to uni, getting a phd, and becoming a professor though?  absolutely!  i would love to and i think that being a form of a teacher or sharer of wisdom sounds like a good life plan for me.

could i give up my shopping habit?

just when i thought my life was going to settle down and i was going to stay in one place for awhile, my former boss has asked if i want to be interviewed for a position in my old office (that same one that was mentioned in the book What is the What that i recently read that put thoughts in mind...) in kenya. the job would be better than the one i had when i was based in nairobi previously and one that i would enjoy, but am i ready to give up the luxuries of developed world living?

like having friends you've known for decades a phone call away, having a ladies' night once monthly with these women, eating dinner with my family regularly, having lattes with my sister, making oil and gas money, watching my brother's hockey games, catching matinees with my other brother, breakfasts with visitors from out of town, changing seasons, central heating, bad television at my fingertips, dependable public transit, my little dieter, my running routes free of rabid dogs and speeding trucks, and, i shamelessly admit, shopping?

yet, one of the biggest reasons i came home was a person who shall not be named and now that that is no longer an issue, i am just not sure what to do with myself. i had always planned on a career in international development and my favourite experiences and stories that i have come from the time i spent pursuing that.

the universe will just have to tell me what to do in this case. but until it is clear, i will keep my options open.

a recipe for A Perfect Weekend

• a nice and long saturday morning walk full of sun and flowering jacarandas
• brunch of huevos rancheros with bacon (for him) and toasted bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon (for her) at a newly discovered restaurant with a lovely garden, impeccable service, and strongly brewed coffee
• replacement of a newly purchased cheapo brand of fridge that was delivered without freon with a brand spanking new shiny white LG at no additional charge
• grocery shopping to fill a new fridge with vegetables and cheese
• a visit to a photography exhibit of one of the refugee camps in kenya
• cold beers on the patio of the Stanley hotel on a hot afternoon with great convo and lots of laughs
• dinner at a friend's house with homemade bruschetta, jokes about kenyan idiosyncracies, and chats about terrorism, immigration, and elections over good red wine
• a sunday morning run to maintain the fitness, harvest the freckles, and try out the routes around the new homestead
• collaborative kitchen efforts to make delicious omelettes and hashbrowns for a leisurely breakfast in the peace of the patio with oj and coffee refills
• pedicures with two lovely ladies while sipping a capuccino that resulted in the reddest toes ever
• sunday evening at the bowling alley with a canadian, a brit, a south african, a kiwi, and an american sipping tuskers while sporting the sexiest velcro shoes and marvelling at the canadian prowess on the lanes
• gooey roast beef and tuna melts in the crisp evening air to round out the best nairobi weekend in a long time

cause i'm a list kinda girl these days

• i went hiking in the foothills yesterday, i am home
• i spent the afternoon today in a 'meeting' with my best lady where we ate the most wonderful salad and drank afternoon cocktails in her garden
• blueberries are my favourite berry and janny knows that
• the stampede has ceased to freak me out and i have got on with my life
• grasshopper is my current favourite beer
• i am loving amy winehouse, which might not be so interesting if you are not out of the pop culture loop like me
• what is with every restaurant in calgary closing at 9 on a tuesday? i thought this city had a million people
• the proposal that i wrote has been approved and funded - yay for making a difference. or whatever it is i do over there
• there has been talk already that if this project goes well it should be expanded into other countries. other countries!
• i love my new birkenstocks, it is about time i paid some attention to my poor indian lady feet
• i know where i am from and that feels good
• the chances of me getting another tattoo while i am home are in the 70 - 80 range. out of 100
• my sister is loving the irishmen and who can blame her
• i am laptop shopping at the moment and was thinking of an ibook but the more people i talk to, the less confident i am in that decision. the hewlett packard is appealing at the moment. any contributing thoughts on that?

3 girls and a peacock

(may 27, 2007)

friday was one of those nights. the ones that we will talk about for years, when one of us says, ‘…and the night of the peacock…’ and the rest of us will burst into laughter and add on to the story with sentences that all start with ‘and then…’ and will be finished with any of the following:

‘…you dropped off the booze so we could catch up,’
‘…you sang karaoke in front of 80 people,’
‘…you pulled the peacock out of your purse,’
‘…we were told to take our peacock off the dj booth,’
‘…we made friends with the soldiers,’
‘…we got people to rub the peacock for luck,’
‘…you met the owner of the bar and convinced him to leave,’
‘…i realised i forgot my keys after i got home,’
‘…the peacock got heavy so we had to trust the barstaff to care for him so we could dance,’
‘…we sent text messages professing our love of long hair, ireland, and one another,’
‘…we thought the bar was ours, and in so many ways, it was,’
‘…i didn’t get out of bed until the afternoon,’
‘…you went out dancing until 4am,’
‘…you made it home, but aren’t sure how,’
‘…we had to retrieve the peacock the next day.’

the kind of night that will live in our shared memory. 3 girls ending it the way it all began 7 months ago. it will be a time in our lives that is bookended with studman shots and a free-gift-with-purchase statue of a peacock. a lot of laughter, smatterings of frustration, small adventures, coffees, teas, and cakes, endless conversation, and tragic loss punctuate these months and a quick mention of the peacock will bring it flooding back. because it was one of those nights.

when you’re happy and you know it

(may 14, 2007)

i was slightly late in coming to work this morning and on my daily walk along the nearly non existent walkway on the edge of the pot holed roads, i overheard a classroom of children singing (or yelling, as singing often is to 6 year olds) the song ‘if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.’

it was a wonderful start to the week and encouraged me to reflect on the past weekend that i spent camping at a lake not far from town. we stayed in cabins that had everything cabins should – bunk beds, mosquito nets, and giant spiders. the cabin as well as the weekend was full of laughter, smiles, and countless jokes. you get a bunch of young, witty, and independent canadian women together and watch out!

this morning, as i overheard the children singing, i came to realise that i am happy. funny that you come to realise such things and do not inherently know them.

my weekend spent with friends i’ve met since arriving in nairobi 7 months ago contributed to this realisation. together we shared, we related, we laughed, we ran away from monkeys, we debated, we sat in silence. it was a mini break and a mini road trip and was not without the typical road trip necessities – pee breaks, road snacks, and cat naps. and the perhaps not-so-typical kenyan road trip necessities – police checkpoints, road side stops for basket, sheep skin, and pottery purchases (i couldn’t help myself, my bargaining skills were on fire and in hot demand).

these are the kind of girls who allow you to be totally yourself and i have no hesitation about acting goofy and ridiculous and even a bit crass without worrying about their reaction because it is almost always laughter. they just get it. i won't soon forget the conversations about the suggestion boxes and The High Five and the sore stomach that inevitably followed. as well as all of the things i learned from them.

sometimes you need to be reminded that someone’s got your back and that you know some pretty fantastic women and that those women wouldn’t choose anyone any less fantastic to spend a weekend in the great outdoors with.

the whip and spank'er

a night at the ship and anchor with patios, the rap, the duely, 6+ shots, carl, jokes about regina, head scarves, picnic tables, educational demonstrations

a proper waste of my time

Four jobs I have had.....
1. Cultural Activity Leader at Mount Royal College
2. Community Resource Worker at DDRC
3. Smiling Happy Employee at The Gap
4. small business owner/operator (sounds fancy when i write it like that)

Four movies I would watch over and over...
1. Love Actually
2. Brokeback Mountain
3. Heat
4. Napoleon Dynamite

Four places I have lived...
1. Mazatlan, Mexico
2. Lancaster, UK
3. Bredasdorp, South Africa
4. Lacombe, Alberta

Four TV shows I love to watch...
1. The National (online, as I am without a tv)
2. ER
3. old episodes of My So-Called Life and Dawson's Creek
4. Jeopardy! (seriously, i couldn't think of anything else because i don't watch tv, but i do like alec)

Four places I have been on vacation...
1. Havana, Cuba
2. Mexico, Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras
3. Australia, New Zealand, Fiji
4. Italy

Four websites I visit daily...
1. BBC/CBC/Globe and Mail
2. all my email accounts
3. blogs, blogs, and more blogs
4. i check the exchange rate pretty much daily

Favourite foods...
1. sushi
2. vegetables (any kind apart from cooked peas, cream corn, or raw cauliflower and broccoli)
3. anything mexican in mexico
4. auntie joey's milk tart

Four places you would rather be right now...
1. running beside the fields of sheep
2. argentina or guatemala, since i have been researching them both recently
3. ottawa, because i actually love politics that much
4. sharing tea or wine with my ladies in a warm kitchen, there is actually no where else i would rather be than doing this

cheers to the best girls i know

the all-girls rally-at-the-alley was a complete success. i had to have a 4 hour nap on sunday just to sleep off the alcohol in my system, but it was a great time. my stomach is still feeling tight from all the laughing we were doing.


here is the email that started it all off:

i told my dear friend jen that i would like to wake up hung over just once more before i leave to cross the pond to drink lukewarm beer in pubs that close at 11. and since we are all either unemployed, students, new home owners, or otherwise struggling to pay all the bills at the end of the month, i suggest that we give'r canadian-style and have a bender on a budget. so dig out all the heels of the bottles you never finished, raid your parents' liquor cabinets just like you are 16 all over again and throw on a little mascara.

this saturday i hope that you will clear your schedules for the first great extravaganza of 2006 (unless some of you have already recovered from the holidays and have already fallen off the wagon) and that we start off somewhere for drinks, get rowdy, then head to the alley for a good old fashioned all-girl rally-at-the-alley. i seem to be a bit short on email addresses so please pass along the word to anyone who loves having a good time and would like to join me in saluting this great country before i go. (i make no guarantees, but we have been known to sing the anthem if we've had a few molson beer)

do me a favour and let me know if you can make it out by emailing me back (and i will accept no excuses unless they involve the worst hangover you've ever had or random one night stands from friday night that have not ended by saturday!).

i am looking forward to seeing you all!

~lara