back to the working world

a week and a half into working at least 10 hours a day and i am reminded of how tiring working can be.  this past thursday, i just came home and flopped on to the couch at the end of the day before peeling myself off and heading out to the pool for a beer with some compoundmates.

but in this short period of time, i have already had some rather interesting experiences, including:

• government meetings that open with prayers and close with benedictions (and who ask for volunteers to lead these things, where i ducked my head and avoided eye contact).
• people repeating the phrase 'we must spread the message to avoid the dangers of human trafficking,' which is just wrong.  and not going to be effective in achieving anything.
• my new colleagues brought in warm tarts and gave me a gift wrapped go mug on my birthday, neither of which i was expecting and was a lovely surprise.
• a meeting where someone used latin to prove their point.  then they had to translate the phrase so the rest of the people understood.  lame.
• working in an office building that sometimes has running water and sometimes does not.
• a few peanut butter and jam sandwiches for lunch and the idea that if someone started a sandwich delivery service, they would have a market completely untapped.
• there have been no less than 4 reports on the state of orphanages in liberia done in the last few years.  they all say the same thing: illegal international adoptions, majority of children in orphanages have living parents or relatives, substandard conditions, many are unlicensed and unregulated, some reports of child labour.  so don't go volunteer in one, please.
• i have lots of ideas on what could be done by the agency i am working for and i just hope that at least one of them can be implemented, we shall see

a reminder to myself and others

this ted talk by Jonathan Haidt on the moral roots of liberals and conservatives is a good reminder that when we break down our differences into a simple matrix of what 'we' believe and how 'they' are wrong, we all loose.

i often need this reminder, perhaps more than most people.  especially today when i received an email from a volunteer telling me about the trip her church is about to take to bring their youth group to a developing country and 'visit with the victims of trafficking staying in a rescue centre' as an educational opportunity.

blah.  i may not be right all the time, but i feel quite justified in saying that reeks of another form of exploitation and although it is not as traumatic as the first likely was, it will still have lasting impacts on a macro level.  ew.

today at work

here are some of the things that happened today at work (x2) that make me love my jobs:

• my boss and i figured out the percentage of time that humans have been capable of rational thought and then came up with a tonne of examples on how we screwed ourselves over by evolving (never underestimate having a boss that has also studied evolutionary psychology)
• my boss also saw me at work, dressed in skinny jeans rolled up with chuck taylors and asked where my skateboard was.  then my colleague (and friend) had to educate him in current fashion and the term 'hipster.'
• i found out that i can access twitter at work!  this is great as i think that i am addicted.  i used to think it was simply a way for people to tell the world they just took a whiz (and for some, it likely is), but i already feel incredibly connected and have been referred to a number of great resources and links.
• i was approached by another volunteer, bringing my total up to 98 volunteers.  (this is not necessarily one of the reasons that i love my job, in fact it makes it exponentially more difficult and less rewarding the more volunteers i collect, but demonstrates i am doing something right, i suppose).
• two of my favourite volunteers invited me out for dinner and drinks tomorrow.  and although that might appear like a slight conflict of interest, i am confident it is not.  i trust it will be a great.
• i am getting a whack of american dollars at the current wicked exchange rate for my upcoming trip to... new york city!!!  (yes, i got the spot on the training!  and i suppose that the cash is not a result of my job, but a good friend's job so i am throwing it in here).

questions i have asked myself recently

• will anyone know that it was me that set the fire alarm off at 11:15pm by cooking beef bourguinon?  followed a few days later with: who the hell is cooking at 2am and set the damn fire alarm off when i was sleeping?!
• what does a life coach do and do i need one?
• how do you pay a speeding ticket that you seem to have lost?
• who would ever buy this or this?
• what do i want to be when i grow up?
• what will i feed my dad for 5 days when he stays with me?
• will i be selected to attend a gbv training in new york city?  and, please pick me (which is not really a question, but i am just putting it out there).
• will i be able to get a taxi after tonight's christmas party?
• should i put a pair of flats in my purse in case my feet start to hurt?
• if i bring a pair of flats but still manage to fall on someone's boss' table, can i really blame my sore feet and high heels for it if i am wearing flats?
• why don't i know many eligible bachelors in this city to set my amazing female friends up with?
• how will i decorate my office/spare bedroom now that i have a sofa bed?
• is Last Christmas by Wham! the best christmas song ever?  (the answer is yes).
• should i keep my bangs down or swept to the side?  should i stop cutting them myself?
• how do i stop people from wanting to start their own ngos to combat human trafficking in cambodia?  (i am taking suggestions on this one).
• why do i have a blog and why haven't i been writing much lately?

pardon the rant

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5 days of excitement to go

in five days' time i will be on a jetplane, heading to heathrow to transfer to johannesburg and then on to cape town!  i have no idea how long it will take to get there, but i am well prepared with three books and a little bit of work that i have committed to finishing while i am away (not so much work as copy writing for a friend).  my books of choice include the first two in Stieg Larsson's series, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Played With Fire.  everyone and their dog keeps talking about them, including that there is an element of human trafficking to the story line, so i am jumping on the literary bandwagon and will read them as well.

i also purchased The Help, which i kept picking up at the bookstore and finally bought it online (say what you will about amazon taking away sales from local booksellers, i love the convenience and the process of looking forward to and then receiving a package in the post).

i thought i would have to go on a wild goose chase for shoes to wear to the wedding where i will be a bridesmaid, but i managed to shop in my own closet and find a pair of black, strappy sandals that i got last year in thailand and haven't worn very often back at home.  dressy and sassy?  no, but they will do for a wedding i am travelling halfway around the world to attend to wear with a dress i have never seen?  why yes, yes they are.

as i have mentioned, we've got a few great places to stay already booked and i have noted with asterisks in my lonely planet and rough guide the sights i would like to show my mom in cape town and cape point, wineries i would like to visit in and around stellenbosch, and a whale watching tour out of hermanus.  we are also planning on getting to the sleepy town of bredasdorp so i can show my mom where i lived over 5 years ago and i am crossing my fingers that i will see the woman that i lived with while i was there.  it might be a bit strange walking up to my the half door of the house and knocking.  if she remembers me, i might give her a bit of a heart attack!

i am certainly ready to take a break from the daily grind and the tidal wave i seem to have created.  i spent a lot of time this past week getting on top of my To Do list and feel as though i am leaving all my projects in a state that will not spontaneously combust without regular attention - my volunteers have tasks to take care of, my meetings and workshops are all set up for when i returned and my prep work for them is nearly done, i have someone looking after the nest in my absence, and i have tentative hallowe'en plans and a group of girls thinking up a costume for me.

so all that is left is 5 days of excitement and counting down!

the tidal wave

by geez, where have i been?  oh yes, dealing with my life that seems to be overflowing with To Do items lately.  it is not terribly out of the ordinary for me to be busy, but lately i have felt (as my colleague so eloquently put it) that i've created a tidal wave of support and activity and instead of riding it, i am drowning in it.

i suppose it is this way with issue-based work where you need people to be aware of the issue and then you want government to do something about it and then you need to be mindful of whether or not those who are engaged in the response are doing so effectively and responsibly and then you need to deal with the people coming out of the woodwork who just learned about your issue and how it affects their community.

i was feeling rather ho-hum about the whole thing (the 'thing' being my professional life) and that i was zapped of all energy, but today i feel much better.  perhaps because i just said to my Day Job 'eff off for a day!' and concentrated on getting caught up on my other job, which is much more rewarding but certainly does not pay the bills.

now i am all set up to host two events in the coming months, deliver three training sessions to government and non-government agencies, have coffee with yahoos who want to start their own organisation, another coffee meeting with the executive director of a really cool agency that supports victims of sexual exploitation, manage 5 kick ass volunteers, write a law school reference letter, draft a research plan, and carry out the regular stuff associated with non-profit management.  eesh. but at least now i am sorted, have my files saved the way they should be (funny how this is sometimes so difficult to keep up ith), and feel as though i can ride the tidal wave rather than have it drown me.  what a difference a morning makes.

to get all of this done, i worked from home today.  it meant recognising that i was far too stretched and stressed with my Day Job and that it was taking away from where i would prefer to spend my energies (but that sadly, doesn't pay quite as well as the private sector).  i will pick it all up again tomorrow when i go into my office, but i am going to do my best to remain slightly removed from the bullshit that comes with leading a team to complete a rather undesirable task (hello, audit!).

and all of this is ok because in 2 short weeks i will be in cape town, south africa where my mama and i will be living in the lap of luxury (that is a saying, isn't it?) by staying here and here.  and then staying at a protea farm.  a protea farm, people!  a protea farm in the middle of the winelands.  where they grow grapes!  and make wine!

yippee.

seeking book recommendations for qualitative research methodologies

it would make a lot of sense to post this on facebook, but for some reason i don't want my worlds colliding at the moment.

so, blogging interwebs, do you have any recommendations on good books that give a good overview on social science research methods, with particular reference to survey and semi-structured interview question design?

29 + 3 - what a month!

1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  still kicking anxiety's arse.  mostly through a lot of self talk, taming the crazy, and talking it out with good friends when i feel anxiety rearing its ugly head.  and no more meds, yippee.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special events, days, occasions. a found out a friend who was recently married was just broken into and they lost most of what they received at their wedding.  i didn't know what to do, so i sent her some flowers.  i realise this is as much about me as it was about her, but it made her day and it made me smile.  i also sent a friend a book that i think he'd enjoy and to ease the sting of having to miss mama's day, i put a card in the post before i left.  i'd say for one month, that was pretty good.

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  imagine me, sitting on a boat, alone, in the middle of halong bay in vietnam, sorting out my priorities and my 6 month plan.  imagine me thinking to myself, 'no more international travel for 6 months because you must save money.'  then imagine me getting home to an invitation to attend my friend's wedding in south africa in october!!  i obviously had to say yes and then i had to follow that up with an affirmative answer when she asked me to be a bridesmaid!  i am rather looking forward to it and although this is not exactly what i planned during my vietnamese goal setting session, it does allow me another chance to meet my goals for the year!

and i am heading to vancouver island this weekend for some sea kayaking, some wine drinking, and some family visiting, yay!

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  see #3 on the goal setting.  part of why i wanted to stop travelling so much for the next 6 months is so that i could save my pennies in preparation to pursue international work in 2011.  as i am keen to work on short term contracts on emergency response as a protection officer, i can't very well predict the next haiti or when darfur needs additional support in the protection department.  i also don't know if anyone will want me (although they did want me in haiti last week... until they realised i don't speak french) so i need to built a nest egg to cover my regular expenses in case i do not find something as soon as i start looking.

my trip to south africa might change my timeline or i might just keep it the same and make a bigger crunch in my spending, we shall see.

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  still failing.  trips to vietnam and south africa are mostly getting in the way of this.  and the fact that we are just coming out of tax season and corporate taxes are a pain in my behind and are denting my bank account.

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals.  still not doing so well, but it is tough to stock your fridge with groceries when you are not in your nest for more than two weeks at a time!  i am making healthier choices (except for that night last week where i had chocolate cake for dinner and that other night when i was still so hungover from the night before that i ordered pizza and was mildly ashamed that they now have my address on file).

7 - sleep an appropriate amount.  napping is sort of my new hobby.  it started with the jet lag, was prolonged with copious wine drinking, and is maintained with early, productive mornings.  so it is not so bad and i am feeling rather rested when i am awake, it is just that my sleeping hours are a bit of a hot mess.

8 - maintain my priorities.  as mentioned, my alone time in vietnam was great and so was the training i was on in thailand because it allowed me to step back from the life i am currently leading and evaluate a few things.  namely, whether or not i am happy and content where i am, whether or not my jobs are fulfilling, and what i have to do now to set me up for success in my future endeavours. 

the outcome of all this thinking was that i need to save money in the coming months and i need to continue plugging away in my current jobs to build a good foundation for future employment and my nest egg.  i was also feeling as though i had lost my life/work balance in the weeks leading up to my trip to vietnam and it was a reminder that it is not the work itself that was creeping into my personal life, but the worries and frustrations.  and these were mostly coming from my trafficking-related work.  and volunteers.  and managing the crazy people who want to start their own ngos.  and the crazies who take the opportunity to yell at me during events.  you can imagine that it became rather taxing on my patience.

i returned to calgary feeling refreshed and ready to jump into spring and summer with the intention of taking full advantage of my current location and spending time at the cabin, running, and getting out more.  but the instant i turned on my work blackberry, i realised this would not be as easy as i imagined.  and it hasn't been.  i am largely back to juggling competing demands on my time and scheduling fun.  it had better not all been for naught though and i will keep working to find that elusive balance between my friends, my family, my corporate job, my non-profit job, my health, my running, my neglected nest, etc.

9 - keep asking for what i want.  there hasn't been anything i have asked for recently, perhaps i should change this!

unless, asking for help to do my trafficking job better by finding a dedicated volunteer to take on a portion of what i have been trying to stay on top of, but have let slip.  doesn't sound like much, but it is for someone who isn't in the habit of asking for help in that type of stuff!

the Do Something conundrum

sometimes, world's collide.

lately, i have really been struggling with people who want to get involved in addressing human trafficking and want to volunteer with my organisation.  often, it starts off with an unsolicited email requesting more information from me or an offer to take me for lunch or coffee to discuss how they can get involved.

let me offer a full disclosure here and say that volunteer management is not my strong suit. 

if i spent time responded to each email (which i do) and sitting down with each person (which i don't), i would be spending all of my time, which is already suffering from competing priorities, explaining the same things to people and convincing them not to start another ngo, not to screen the same film that has been shown in this city 4 times in the last 6 months, and not to go busting down doors and conducting their own investigations.

i believe that i have sorted this dilemma by asking volunteers to organisation a volunteer information session where i will cover all of these things in a group setting and figure out what people can offer our organisation and how we can best use their skills and passion.  but what is interesting is that i feel as i am struggling with an issue that is being felt across the development sector board.

case in point:

i recently commented on a development-focused blog, Tales From the Hood, about why someone who calls themself an Aid Worker must defend and define that to other people and yet we all accept someone's answer of Doctor when asked, what do you do?  and i know that the whole concept of Aid Worker is a misunderstood and misrepresented one, but the jist of the original post seems to link well to what i have been struggling with lately.  in a nutshell, some american dude had an idea to collect 1 million t shirts in the states and distribute them to africans.  this is a bad idea.  i won't go into the details of why this is a bad idea here, but you can browse through the blogs i have listed on this page for a lot more information on why this is a Bad Idea.

the linkage is this: why is it that simply because someone wants to do a good thing do they seem to feel as they have a right to?  i am the first to admit, i don't know the answer to this question.

but the people who want to Do Something sometimes feel that just wanting to do that something is enough to justify their actions.  and sometimes, wonderful and innovative ideas can come from this, but often, bad ideas are pushed forwarded and supported simply because isn't it great that so-and-so is doing something!

what i find interesting about all of this is that people who come to me wanting to get involved locally (which i sincerely think is great) on trafficking-related issues and how do you harness that enthusiasm and energy to make their doing something into doing something meaningful and worthwhile?

i am still working through this and luckily, i have some experienced people around me to bounce ideas off and to support me to think of creative solutions to this dilemma, but i think at its root, it is the same challenge felt when bad development ideas are supported and implemented simply because someone feels they have the right to Do Something.

and maybe they do?

bullets kill in many ways, apparently

things i really like about the past week:

• sorting out my vietnamese visa (this might be a bit premature as i am hoping what i have tried will work)
• having 10 committed volunteers put on a flawless event to raise awareness about our organisation and human trafficking
• a 20km run
• time off last night to get a cheap and cheerful pedicure as i plan on wearing a lot of sandals very soon
• my herb garden sprouting 10 sprouts
• being interviewed by cbc radio
• the new plants & animals cd
• dinner and drinks with two girls that laugh at my jokes
• tim finally got voted off american idol.  finally.
• ironing to destress
• a new white cardigan, which i call an INVESTMENT
• having a contact in pattaya AND the hotel i will be staying in in pattaya

things i could've done without:

• the verbal attack directed towards me by someone at the event who was clearly misinformed and out of turn (she later apologised and acknowledged we knew what we were doing)
• the 1 review of the event that personally attacked me (apparently i now have enemies) out of about 50
• meetings where people talked over one another
• other meetings that lacked leadership
• stubbing my toe really hard on my suitcase (which illicited fears that my 20km run was not going to happen due to a broken toe) and then whacking my elbow really hard on the corner of my wall (which just really hurt)
• arrogant people who affiliate themselves with international development causes and then act all high and mighty as if they know everything
• grenade attacks in bangkok that killed 3 people
• yesterday's work-related anxiety
• today's tax-related anxiety
• tomorrow's packing-related anxiety (ok, a bit premature here, but i know it is coming!)

hear ye, hear ye

come and see call + response, a 'rockumentary' about international human trafficking this weekend in calgary and support the Action Coalition on human Trafficking (ACT)!  the film will be followed by a Q&A on human trafficking in alberta, ACT's response and how you can get involved.

the plaza theatre
4:30pm
entrance by donation at the door

more info available here.

waking up to opportunity

after weeks of having no idea what i want to be when i grow up, i woke up this morning to two emails.

one telling me that i have been selected to participate in a week long training to be part of ocha's protection capacity roster in bangkok.  there were only 5 spots for canadians and i got one.  thank you norwegian government.

and another inviting me to be interviewed for a position in uzbekistan with one of the few un agencies that i would like to work with.  i am really not sure it is the right fit for me, but i will answer their questions about my strengths, weaknesses, knowledge of trafficking of persons (lots) and drugs (none) and see what they have to say.

so, yay.

and decisions.

and a little bit of eek, too.

but mostly, yay.

trafficking on TED

i love the ted talks.  i have been waiting for them to post one on human trafficking that i felt was relevant, timely, and factual.  and here it is: Dr Kevin Bales on human trafficking.

enjoy.  or whatever you say when you want someone to learn something new through watching an interesting and disturbing video.

challenges the same in canada as in african countries?

today i had 2 meetings.

the first was with a woman representing the epitome of what a non-profit organisation should not be.  territorial under the allusion of collaboration, interrogative, and seemingly all-knowing about what works and what doesn't.  vague, driven by a belief and a passion, but without the professionalism that is needed to build strong relationships and learn how to do what you do better.  afterwards, i felt as though i had been interviewed and evaluated, which led me to do some additional research of their organisation.  i learned that they are younger than we are and there are a number of reasons they cannot obtain charitable status in canada.

my second meeting was wonderful.  with a woman representing a local funder that seems to be innovative, responsive, and open to listening to the unique challenges and funding appropriately.  she listened, she asked intelligent questions, she paraphrased and articulated what i was trying to say with clarity.  she made suggestions on which funding streams we might want to apply for and began a conversation that will hopefully result in a relationship that will devlop into funding.  she liked my ideas on what the funding could be used for and i felt empowered to inform her of where i felt there are gaps in service provision and organisational governance.

my brain has been wrapped around the issues of international development and humantarian aid lately, through the books i have been reading, through contemplating my career path, and in my participation on recent panel discussions about foreign aid to africa.  and here i am, struggling with the same things here in canada.

funny, that.

what a week!

monday - pretty average day, a decently productive smattering of work at my day job and a nice evening hanging out with a friend in town from overseas.  who is sort of in love with me.  but only just sort of.  i think.

tuesday - chair a monthly meeting on trafficking.  pick up a package at the post office of leg warmers and fingerless mitts from the lovely lady over at Yarn is My Metier, beautiful and so comfortable.  every girl needs a pair of leg warmers.  american idol watching with my neighbour/guy i dated a year ago.  a failed hill run - 8 hills turned into 4 miserable hills.

wednesday - teaching high school for the morning, which is almost as exhausting as teaching junior high school, but not quite.  the first screening of the film What Are We Doing Here? that went really well, including the panel discussion on aid to africa that i participated in.  i was proud to have addressed people's questions with intelligent answers.

thursday - drafting of a project proposal for funding to do my own research in the province.  the second screening of the documentary followed by another panel discussion, where i wasn't nearly as articulate as wednesday night's event.  beer and nachos with my ever supportive friends afterwards.

friday - a half day workshop on temporary foreign workers in alberta and the challenges and successes of the programme.  met the nephew of my nairobi chemist by chance in calgary.  handed out tonnes of my cards, networking, networking, networking.  running around the city getting wedding gifts and cards.  a gorgeous wedding with great people that ended with me and the best man shooting tequila at the bar.

saturday - a touch of the hang over.  catching up on adminstrative work for my evening/weekend job.  watching ufc fights, which i swore i would never do and will never do again - boring and disgusting at the same time.  an early night.

sunday - a good 12km run, but with frozen hands.  a hot bath.  some shopping.  sushi.  roast dinner with my parents and one bro (my other bro is in tanzania!).  traffic fines paid.

a simple request

all i am asking for this week is a few more hours in each day. 

not hours that can be used for sleeping, but hours that can be used for preparing presentations for high schools, visiting with friends in from out of town, time to fit in all of my runs (and all of those hills...). 

i would really appreciate some extra time to collect my package from the post office, to attend all of the meetings i have scheduled for my day job, to mentally prepare to be on the panel discussion following both screenings of What Are We Doing Here? this week. 

i need hours for thoughtful wedding gift shopping, for shoulder season hikes, and for attending a workshop on temporary foreign workers in alberta, and for paying those parking and red light ticket.

i also wouldn't mind some time to sort out if i am interested in dating my neighbour.  it should be so simple, but it never is.

29 + 1

1 - conquer my anxiety, or at least win a few battles against it.  this month has been more of a struggle than others and i think it comes down to being rather busy and spread thinly at times.  and things not working they way they should.  my phone relocking itself and having to buy a new one, not knowing how to hook up my wireless printer, sitting on hold with call centres.  and deciding where to watch the men's gold medal hockey game!  they all cause me to get anxious, frustrated, angry.  and although i am better at recognising those feelings, i am not always great at knowing how to lessen the negative ones.

2 - be more thoughtful of others, especially around special events, days, occassions.  i think i am doing ok with this.  apart from forgetting to bring my valentines to the cabin and misplacing my sister and brother-in-law's anniversary card...  otherwise, going good, cards have been mailed, notes have been sent, calls put in.  but i really need to catch up with a few people who have recently had some milestones and i need details!

3 - continue making visiting family and friends a priority.  although i have made no concrete moves towards this, it is still a priority.  i intend on going to visit my dad on may long weekend and just need to go and book some flights.  it wasn't exactly like i had to travel to do it, but my fam and i spent the february long weekend out at the cabin.  and we laughed, oh did we laugh!  nothing like hearing your parent say 'shut the eff up' too many times to count.  and doing puzzles!  cursing and puzzles just sort of go together.  it probably doesn't sound like it here, but it was hilarious.

4 - nail down some sort of short-term career goals.  i feel this is going well.  i have done a lot of thinking, some reading, and had some insightful conversations towards nailing down goals.  i think i have my next few months nailed down and i feel good about that. 

for the first few months of this year, things felt up in the air and that something could come at any minute (an offer of a job in haiti, job interviews in jordan, work with international organisations...), which is exciting and great, but i feel a little calmer now and am plugging away at making significant progress professionally.  towards what?  well, that is still being determined!

5 - lay a nest egg to accompany my nest.  after putting those receipts into an accordian folder, i met with my accountant (at 7:30pm on a saturday, as you do) and got the first part of paying my taxes sorted.  doesn't sound like much, but it is a significant first step for me.

6 - eat more balanced, regular meals.  in the last week, i made dinner twice!  i also ordered pizza twice in the last month (and i cannot tell you the last time i have ordered pizza before these two times), so that is not ideal because a) pizza is expensive! and b) it is not very good.  oh and another, c) it makes your house smell.

living alone, i find that if i go grocery shopping and prepare meals, it get rather expensive.  i can get a sandwich at the little cafe near my office for $4 and it is delicious and full of fresh vegetables and nice bread.  if i were to buy a loaf of bread, it will become stale (not mouldy as it seems bread doesn't mould in this country...) before i could finish it and if i bought all the vegetables they include in my sandwich, it would be expensive and i'd never be able to use a WHOLE avocado without it going brown first.

the moral of my story is that i am doing better with this.  i still don't eat breakfast very often, but i am making better choices.

7 - sleep an appropriate amount.  this past week was a struggle in the sleeping department due to my habit of late-night olympics on tv and early morning meetings, but i am sleeping better than i was before christmas, when i could've slept for 12 hours and still woken up tired.  i think that kicking my running campaign up a few notches is helping me sleep better too.

i still manage to turn off my alarm in my sleep though...

8 - maintain my priorities.  this is a tough one right now.  probably the goal that i am letting slip the most out of the 9.  i have a lot of priorities this month and will for march as well.  but which come first? 

i feel overwhelmed at times, but i am trying to balance volunteer commitments, planning an event for 300-400 people to raise awareness of human trafficking, my day job that is ramping up at the moment (and i don't always enjoy the work that i have to do), requests for information or meetings with me, and trying to balanace social engagements.

i know i need to get better at is saying no, especially when people want to get together with me to pick my brain about something.  at the risk of sounding slightly arrogant, i don't have time for people who don't offer me something.  or better put, i don't have time to get together to answer people's questions when it is taking away from my other commitments.  part of the problem with having a public email address is that i get a lot of general inquiries and yet i realise how important it is for people to engage in issues they are concerned about or interested in (just don't challenge me on my views in the middle of an event planning meeting).

it is also tough to put in the unpaid, administrative work that i know will pay off in many ways in the long run, but zaps my time and energy.
one thing that i am managing well is my running schedule and i have made a point of fitting in all of my runs, which has typically been one of the first things to fall off when i become overwhelmed.

9 - keep asking for what i want (executive decision has been made to replace keep laughing).  i figure that i will be able to keep laughing without much effort (for those of you who know me in 'real life' will know this is true).

i have done a damn good job of asking for what i want lately.  ballet tickets, a job, support to attend training, more manpower to complete a project, answers to questions at conferences.  and that is just in the first month of 29!  but i know that when push comes to shove and i really do want something, it can be tough to form the words or type out the words, so i hope i can still ask when it really matters.

ps - go canada go!

all in a day's work

my day started out well, after picking up my newest addiction, a freshly brewed black coffee from my neighbourhood phil & sebastian coffee shop, i shocked a grizzled old police officer with my stories of drinking water in an idp camp in kenya, when i was convinced i was going to contract cholera.  at the same morning meeting, i was surprised to find out that the body shop in alberta has agreed to collect money for our organisation, which is fantastic, but even better, they brought me free stuff!  free stuff that is not even in the shops yet!  they clearly know the way to my heart.

my day proceeded at a nice clip, a productive afternoon at my day job and a hour long pep talk from my boss about doing a phd, finding ways to maintain my lifestyle (read: keep working where i am working part time to keep the money coming in), and how to make my own wikipedia page (she wants to get someone from her family on the case, which cracks me up).

after work, i got my hairs cut and coloured and now i look like a supermodel!  or at least my hair does.  according to my hair stylist.  i quite like it too.

and then i bought a red leather chair.  it might be a fake red leather chair.  but it is a great red chair that looks like leather and that is good enough for me!

i then attended a catholic women's group's meeting where i had to provide them with some information about trafficking and accept a donation to our organisation.  i sat and chatted with a nun who told me, in all her canadian wisdom, that 'people in fishing villages are like white indians.'  lord help her.  literally.

and the icing on the cake was when i found out that a guy i dated almost a year ago has moved a little closer to me.  as in, he now lives in my building!  we now share a parkade.  and i can never leave my nest to throw out my trash or drop off my recycling without worrying that i will run into him!  honestly, i have never heard of these things happening to other people.  sheesh.

my secret love for stats revealed

here i go again.  insisting that you read a book that i loved.  and this time, it is called Wisdom of Whores.  don't let the title put you off, nor the fact that Elizabeth Pisani is an epidemiologist who wrote a book about statistics and preventing the spread of disease.  it really is fascinating and part of that is due to Pisani's ability to call it like it is, humbly take credit for good work, but also to admit when she (and the development world, in many cases) was wrong.

the book talks about how our hiv prevention strategies as donor governments, un agencies, and ngos has typically been ass backwards.  instead of putting money toward the greatest transmitters of the disease, commercial sex workers and injecting drug users (especially those in prison), the enormous amounts of money that have been donated/lent by the american government, the canadian government, unaids, and the bill and melinda gates foundation, among so many others, has largely gone to useless programmes targetting women, children, and the general public, who are not the hotspots of transmission.

hiv is not really that infectious, if you look at the science.  we know how it is most easily transmitted (and it is not heterosexual sex) and who is transmitting it (with minor variations between countries and cultures), but we continue to spend money on saving the poor women and children.  oh, the women and children.  the poor, poor women and children.  who don't spread hiv nearly as often as others...

another fun fact that book came out with is that timor leste (where a good friend of mine lives and works, no doubt spending money given by the americans) had a grand total of 7 people who tested positive for hiv at the time of their independence (they were the first new state to be formed in this century), but the americans threw money at the country to deal with their 'hiv problem.'  7 people does not a problem make.  but oh my god, the poor women and children, what will they do if we do not address the impending epidemic hanging above their heads!

we have been force fed the idea that poverty will equal hiv transmission rates going through the roof and Pisani shatters that nonsense as well, demonstrating that being poor does not necessarily make you any more likely of contracting the virus, but it is how we fail to address the most common ways it is passed from one person to another (man to man, man to woman, woman to child, woman to woman...) in our programming that is failing millions of people.

for example (and there are many), the us will not allow any of its money to be spent on needle exchanges for drug users, the us claims to be a saviour of those living with aids by providing drugs (shipped from the states when other generics are avilable and do not need to refrigerated) but won't fund any programmes that keep sex workers safe rather than forcing them to leave the trade.

we continue to try and fit people into boxes of 'female sex worker,' 'positive man married to uninfected woman,' and 'sex buyer,' to name a few.  but in reality, people do not fit into these, or other, boxes very nicely and Pisani makes a great case for the changing of research and reporting to better reflect this, which could result in better prevention programmes that might actually work.

there are many problems as to why hiv has taken off in some regions of the world.  african governments refuse to acknowledge that there are men who have sex with men in their countries (ahem... kenya, nigeria, uganda) and their politicans speak out against proven science that hiv leads to aids and that you can cure aids with thorough washing and herbal supplements (yes, south africa and the gambia, i am looking at you...).  so while we are pouring money down the drain, and there is certainly a lot of money in the aids business thanks to bono, pepfar, and do gooders like myself, in providing education and voluntary testing to wives, mothers, and children, we have lost the plot on what really needs to be done.

and did you know that canada is among the worst offenders for tying our aid? it means that when we give money to other countries or organisations, we have an expectation that a certain percentage of it is spent on canadian goods, canadian services, and canadians themselves in the form of hiring our nationals.  i knew we were no aid angels, but i was surprised to see that we were behind only the us, the international pariah of untying aid activists.

i take no credit for these ideas.  i have thought them in varying shades of clarity and articulation, but Pisani really deserves credit for writing a book about statistics and science that is fascinating, infuriating, and inspiring in equal measure.  go out and read it (and her blog, now listed here), you will certainly be smarter for it.  or you can go out and buy a red ipod or a cup of starbucks red coffee...