11 randoms

i just realized that i was tagged by kristen at inspired by dooce and it is perfect timing as i am sitting in a hotel lobby in accra waiting for a driver to collect me to transfer to another hotel (because as much as i love Villa Monticello where i have spent the last two nights, it is a bit pricey for me to stay for the next 3 nights i have in ghana and this was a birthday gift, a most wonderful birthday gift!)


i am not going to tag other people because as a Bad Blogger, it would be a bit rude of me to expect others to complete this, but i love lists, i love reading random things about other people, and i like answering them.  so if you do answer any of kristen's (or nicole's, who i don't even know) questions, leave a link as i'd love to read them!


11 Random Things about Me
 1. i have really big feet for being only 5'2"
2. my sneezes are loud.  so loud that people often comment on them.
3. i love taking long haul flights alone, i find it is a great time to think, catch up on reading, listen to music, be alone.  i hope they never introduce wireless to the flights i take as i think it would ruin it for me as i like being disconnected.
4. i live with a general level of anxiety that would probably surprise most people.
5. i am not very good at watching tv, i have to be doing something else at the same time, reading a magazine, looking at the internet, or talking (which apparently annoys some people!).
6. i love running outdoors, but sometimes struggle to motivate myself to do it.  but i don't like running races as there are too many people and too much pressure for me (which could be linked to #4 above).
7. i live in monrovia, the capital city of liberia.  i suppose that isn't too random to most people that i know as i have been here for 4 months now, but i suppose it could be considered random because what is a canadian girl doing living in a small west african country??  i moved here to live with my boyfriend is the answer. 
8. i don't know what i want to be when i grow up and i wonder if i will ever know.  instead of trying to figure it out, i think i will try and focus on accepting it and seeing it as a positive rather than a negative.
9. i would like to do a phd one day.  and recently, i may have come up with an idea for a research topic.
10. i went on a solo vacation to spain about 7 months ago to figure out my life.  apparently that meant starting a relationship with someone i already knew who came from the uk for a mini break and moving to liberia a few months later.
11. i have spent 4 birthdays and 3 christmases in africa. 


Nicole's Questions
1. How many languages do you speak? What are they?
english and spanish and that could likely use some refreshing.  i wish i spoke french and have tried to learn it, but never consistently and regularly.

2. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
the side that is closest to the wall currently, but if i had it my way, i would sleep diagonally and take up the entire bed with 4 pillows arranged in a 'v' around my head.  yes, i have given this some thought and have developed a system that i prefer.

3. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
i would like to think a bit of both.  i like to get a start on my day, but i also love sleeping until about 9 if i can.  i tend to be rather productive in the evenings if i am not too tired from waking up too early.  what i do know is that i need my sleep so if i am up early, i am down early and vice versa.

4. What's your biggest time waster?
the internet and tv when i have it


5. Mac or PC?
mac. i converted about a year and a half ago and love it (and my ipad and iphone!)


6. Can you drive a standard transmission car?
you bet and i have never owned a car that wasn't manual, i prefer it.


7. Where did you go on your last trip?
i am on right now in accra, ghana.  and before this one, it was to dar es salaam, tanzania.


8. What's your favourite game (board or video)?
i like all board games that i have played (but i have 2 rules when playing: if you are not playing the game (mom!) then don't help anyone playing and if you start a game, you should finish it!), but i really like scrabble and anything that involves groups of people and lots of laughs.


9. Did you play any sports growing up?
when i was wee, i played soccer then i figure skated.


10. What's your favourite number and why?
22 and i am not sure why.  i like things that are even and i like that 22 divided is 11 and 1 + 1 = 2 and so on.


11. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
i would like to live in london, bangkok, cape town, berlin, dar es salaam, nairobi...  i think the more interesting part is where i will end up living in a year's time.



Kristen's Questions
1- When you're in a job interview, what do you use as your "weakness"? (you know, the weakness that you can turn into a positive somehow)
i don't like to delegate things to other people and i like to have control over all aspects of the work that i am involved in.  to be honest, i am not sure i would ever phrase it like that in a job interview, but if i did, i would say that it is because i have high expectations that my work will be delivered to a high standard of quality and on time.

2- What is your favourite food?
i am not sure.  i love macaroni and canned tomatoes because it is a comfort food from when i was kid, same with a roast beef dinner.  i would like to say that i have a favourite food place and that is san sebastian, spain. so if something can come with the quality and deliciousness of san sebastian, i will love it.

3- Why did you start blogging?
i was living in the uk studying my masters degree and it was a good way to keep in touch with friends and family back home without sending out the mass emails that were all about me, which is obnoxious.  i guess a blog is somewhere people can visit to see what i am up to.

4- If you could go anywhere on vacation, where would you go?
i've always wanted to visit brazil, argentina, and india.

5- If you're a runner, biker, triathlete, or any other sort of racer, what race is tops on your bucket list?
i don't like races.

6- What is your dream job? (pretending that it pays well)
ha, i answered the question above about how i don't know what i want to be when i grow up.  but i would like to be a professor or an advisor to a private company or a donor on how to spend their money and which projects are worth supporting.

7- Who is your celebrity crush?
apart from David Suzuki in his younger years?!  i think that Mike Rowe, Gabriel Garcia Bernal, Hugh Jackman, and Taye Diggs are all quite dreamy.

8- Did you or do you play an instrument?
no, but i think the drums could be fun.

9- What is your favourite "guilty pleasure" movie? (you know, the one that you like to pretend you didn't love)
Love Actually and i watch it every christmas!  i just can't get enough.

10- If you had to pick a last meal, what would you pick?
macaroni and tomatoes

11- Ben and Jerry's or Haagen Dazs?
neither as ice cream gives me a stomach ache (coincidentally, this is also the google search that leads to this blog most often so i am obviously not alone)

eat what you kill

i know i am going to sound like i’m whining, but getting up at 6am with an alarm clock on a monday morning is tough!  and driving (well, being a passenger) for 6 hours of rural roads in liberia is also a challenge.  and i am going to blame the latter on my nap takeover when i finally got home this evening...

the purpose for the early start and travelling was that i had a job interview to work in a company’s corporate social responsibility/community investment department.  well, to essentially BE the csr department.  while there were moments where i was tempted, i know the role is not for me.

after discussions today, i confirmed what i already suspected – that i didn’t move all the way to liberia to work 10 hours a day 6 days a week while living away from my boyfriend (i still think that ‘partner’ sounds so lame).  although the worksite is not geographically that far away from monrovia, the road conditions make it a bit of a trek and the company’s rather restrictive policies would make it difficult to get back to the capital city with any regularity.

but it was still so interesting to see a new part of the country with the driver they sent to collect me and to see how a foreign company operates and attempts to have a lasting positive impact on the communities where they operate.  there were a few red flags in their programming (they directly support local orphanages), but it seemed like it would be a challenging and rewarding position, but it just won’t be the one for me.

which is ok as i have another job lined up as of last week and it will allow me to ease back into the world of international development with the organisation i used to work for in kenya.  and with the mentality of ‘eat what you kill’ in fund raising and project development, it might also be challenging and rewarding, but for very different reasons.

i have committed to something of a trial period and i am banking on previous healthy working relationships and familiarity with the organisation and the content to lend itself to success.  i am not so sure that i am ready to give up my weekday workouts, leisurely morning coffees, and flexible schedule.  but it could all be worthwhile simply to have regular fast internet at the office!

above all, in the big, bad world of international development, having work experience to show for my time in liberia will be beneficial and it will aid in making the big life decisions that are on the horizon.  but if we decide to stay in monrovia, i am getting a kitten!  and he is orange!  and he was just a week old when i met him and hadn't yet opened his eyes!

early (temporary) retirement

i was guilty of asking friends who were not working at home 'what do you do all day?' as though it would be a struggle to fill your days with activities that had to be done and those you wanted to do.  i figured that it must be boring not to be busy, a daytimer full of appointments and to do lists, and a social calendar with other people working full time, regular hours.

and now when people ask me if i get bored without having a full time job or what i do with myself all day, i am sort of surprised because the answer seems so obvious.  i read, i lay by the pool, i grocery shop, i visit with our housekeeper, i cook, i play angry birds, i check facebook and twitter, i send emails, i apply for jobs, i go for walks, i edit photos, i go for lunch, i do yoga, i watch tv series i've always wanted to see, i work out, i get massages and pedicures at home.  but only for a few moments this past month have i felt bored.

i have felt some pangs of guilt that i am not working, not being productive, and not building the years and breadth of experience on my cv.  but then i reminded myself that people generally spend their entire careers waiting to retire and live the life i am living right now.

and it won't last.  come march, i will likely have to get a job either in liberia or wherever someone will hire me and then i remember what it feels like to squeeze in a run after rushing home from the office or wake up to an alarm everyday or not having time to fit all my friends and family in.  i am in no hurry to get back into the regular workforce and a crammed schedule so i am genuinely enjoying my time.  i just wish that people understood that when they ask me what i possibly DO all day!

now if you'll excuse me, i have another episode of Mad Men, the next chapter of The Hunger Games, and a swimming pool all calling my name.

home sweet home in monrovia

remember that deal i made with kelsey?  well, i am really crapping out on it, aren't it?

and it is not that i have any wonderful excuses as i am not working a regular job, have more free time than i've had in years, and have had literally thousands of thoughts about life in liberia that i have wanted to share.

view from my bedroom window

i arrived about a month ago and was warmly welcomed into my new home that overlooks the atlantic ocean.  it is a furnished house, meaning it comes with the basics and all the necessary furniture, but little else.  not much on the walls or in the cupboards, but after a few shorts weeks, it does feel like home.

and you can't beat opening your balcony doors in your bedroom to hear the sound of the waves crashing.

waves crashing so hard that i actually cannot swim in the ocean near my house, but yoga in my makeshift hot yoga studio (aka my balcony) is wonderful with the background noises of the sea.

we have a housekeeper who is slowly becoming my closest friend in liberia and i know this isn't exactly how this relationship should go, but it is nice to have company during the days and she is happy to answer all my questions about life in monrovia.  for instance: how do i break a $100 dollar bill? (go to the forex and ask for 'pieces'), where do i find towels in the shops? (the big shop in town has them, it's called Abijala), how do i replace our empty cooking gas canister (give $45 to the groundskeeper and 5LD (liberian dollars) for a motorcar and he'll get it for you).

our street

she was also a wealth of information during the violence that broke out during an opposition party protest a few days before the run off election was held, which was peaceful in the end even if boycotted by the opposition that was crying foul (and also knew they would lose).

before i left calgary, i was worried that i would be bored and wouldn't have anything to fill my days.  i seem to have been wrong and manage to have a growing To Do list on the go as well as very few moments where i am not sure what to do with myself.

i do have work that needs to be completed from a contract i still have from home and i have been enjoying jumping back into the world of research with it.  but otherwise i have been reading books, working out, playing far too much angry birds than is healthy, stocking the fridge and cupboards, reading the internet and sending emails, and utilising the incredibly affordable long distance calling to call friends and family in canada (seriously, i have put $70 on my phone and have made at least 5 calls lasting longer than an hour each and still have $50 left in my account - if liberia can figure out affordable long distance overseas, why oh why can't canada?!).

and, as promised, i will be spending more time writing (hopefully in a coherent manner) about my impressions of my newest home to post here.

how i spend some afternoons

google traffic circle

the number one google search that leads to my corner of the intertubes is some variation of does ice cream cause stomach aches?

and judging by the sheer number of people wondering this and my own experience, my scientific conclusion is YES.  YES ice cream causes stomach aches.  no, you are likely not lactose intolerant, it is just tough for many people to digest including me and you, obviously.

so there, internet, is your definitive answer.

'adhd hadn't been invented in the 1930s'

yes, i am indeed compiling a report of an 8 member team, much of it monotonous, mindnumbing desk work that i cannot concentrate on exclusively.

thus, another great ted recommendation.  (and yes, i realise that you could just as easily go to the ted website yourself, but as this is my blog, i am also using this as a place to record interesting bits of the www that i might want to revisit one day).

Ken Robinson should be a stand up comedian.  but instead, he is an expert on creativity and a ted fellow.  you might enjoy what he has to say about the way that schools are crushing our creativity, i certainly did!

ted on a tuesday

you know it is a rather monotonous day of work when i come up with more ted talk recommendations.

as my go to website that i am allowed to stream video from at work (there are not many), ted has a few gems up on its main page at the moment.  take a look if you too need some stimulating background noise to desk work that you are not particularly thrilled about.  or if you just want to watch some inspiring talks by two humble individuals.

i love a lady who isn't afraid to drop an eff bomb if it makes her point clear (although she refrains in this talk).  peace activists don't always get a lot of credit from the 'establishment,' but i think that Jody Williams can speak their language and to boot, she is not an avowed pacifist.  which means she gets my vote.  for what, i don't know, but a vote nonetheless.

a canadian kid whose life didn't go quite as he planned (ever heard that one before?) turned it into an internet sensation and then a best selling book.  Neil Parischa talks about the As of awesome and how no one is immune to hardship or negative experiences, but that being authentic is one of the ways to get through it.  this should be required viewing.  for everyone.

medium thumb

i saw Black Swan!  another movie on my Movies To See 2010 spreadsheet that i created over the holidays (no, i am not kidding).  and i did it on the comfort of my own couch (maybe i shouldn't be announcing this on the intertubes, but i just heard on a ted talk that about a bazillion (or maybe something like 15,000?) blogs are started everyday so i am sure my corner of the www is relatively safe from bill gates or whoever it is that patrols the internet looking for people who admit they download and watch pirated movies.

besides, i used to buy this shit at the market in nairobi, which i never saw as being wrong as i was all the way over there in africa (the country), you know.

anywho, back to the movie.

it was ok.  it was not fabulous.  but i sense that everyone is going to go on and on about how fabulous it is simply because it is raw, interesting to watch, a little bizaare at times, and has a famous actress playing a dark role.  and sometimes, that is what art is all about (isn't it?).

the acting is good, i suppose.  the costumes and dancing are fun to watch for someone who is addicted to So You Think You Can Dance (but finds the acronym SYTYCD a little cumbersome).  the story is lame and never gathers enough steam.  and the sex is vulgar and not particularly entertaining.

but the ending is good, so if that is any reason to watch it, there you have it.

i had high hopes and let me just say that i am glad i didn't pay to see it, but that i am glad that i saw it.

today at work

here are some of the things that happened today at work (x2) that make me love my jobs:

• my boss and i figured out the percentage of time that humans have been capable of rational thought and then came up with a tonne of examples on how we screwed ourselves over by evolving (never underestimate having a boss that has also studied evolutionary psychology)
• my boss also saw me at work, dressed in skinny jeans rolled up with chuck taylors and asked where my skateboard was.  then my colleague (and friend) had to educate him in current fashion and the term 'hipster.'
• i found out that i can access twitter at work!  this is great as i think that i am addicted.  i used to think it was simply a way for people to tell the world they just took a whiz (and for some, it likely is), but i already feel incredibly connected and have been referred to a number of great resources and links.
• i was approached by another volunteer, bringing my total up to 98 volunteers.  (this is not necessarily one of the reasons that i love my job, in fact it makes it exponentially more difficult and less rewarding the more volunteers i collect, but demonstrates i am doing something right, i suppose).
• two of my favourite volunteers invited me out for dinner and drinks tomorrow.  and although that might appear like a slight conflict of interest, i am confident it is not.  i trust it will be a great.
• i am getting a whack of american dollars at the current wicked exchange rate for my upcoming trip to... new york city!!!  (yes, i got the spot on the training!  and i suppose that the cash is not a result of my job, but a good friend's job so i am throwing it in here).

the year of technology embrace

i have decided that 2011 will be the year of technology embrace for me.  i am getting my twitter account in order (although have yet to tweet a damn thing) and am going to make an effort to use it to learn, share information, and connect with others.  so look me up: thingsiknow.

next up is linked in.  i had an account years ago and shut it down because i didn't like it showing up when i googled myself (funny how things change...), but am feeling as though it might be a good resource for me for professional opportunities.  and considering i am struggling to figure out what i want to be when i grow up, maybe it can help.

so follow me on twitter and let me know what you think of linked in.  are you on it?  is it useful?  does it take a lot time to maintain?

wham!

who knew the video was so disastrously bad? but still so good, in all its awfulness...

a trio of ted talks

i have been battling a head cold/self-diagnosed chest infection (that my mom is worried might be pneumonia or bronchitis) since friday, but i did manage to rally and go to a girls' christmas potluck, a 3rd annual 29th birthday party, a bridal shower, a hen night, and a family christmas dinner.

i am pretty sure that all that activity over the weekend has meant that i didn't have enough in the tank to fend off whatever is ailing me and i stayed at home and took a sick day today.  that meant i had a lot of internet time and came up with a few beauties that i thought i would share.

let's talk parenting taboos: rufus griscom & alisa volkman
although i am not a parent, i can only imagine the anxiety that having to take of a baby and then a child to raise would invoke in me.  and part of that is because there are so many messages, and i would argue most of them directed at women specifically, about what parenting should look and feel like.  and i think these two do a good job of blowing that myth out of the water while speaking frankly about their experiences as encouragement for others to do the same.  it is all about being real and it sounds like parenting is no different.

an independent diplomat: carne ross
once you get past his introduction, which sounds a little self indulgent, this former british foreign service officer has a great message and i liked what he had to say about how the best things that happen to him were 'random.'

his ngo independent diplomat is innovative and responding to the ever evolving world order, which are not words you would ever use to describe the traditional diplomatic corps.  his message lends itself well to my own experience of having exposure to the private sector to improve my performance and analysis within the non-profit sector.  and i wish more people saw the value of that cross pollination of ideas and principles and it seems that ross does.

and i agree with him entirely on his statement: 'the government of south sudan, you heard it here first, is going to be a new country in the next few years' and that he can make the connection between you and i and el shabaab, the somali militia organisation.  the world is shrinking and as it changes, the tool, agencies, and systems that we have used to make sense of it all also need to evolve at the same speed.  and the un is sadly lagging behind the innovators and great thinkers.

and to think, i went through many years of international relations and international development organisation asking who western sahara belongs to and here, the answer is on ted.

now... where is my cliff to fall off??

and this one takes the ted cake today - michael spector: the danger of science denial
one of my passions is learning and this paired with my commitment to social justice and socioeconomic development lends itself nicely to questioning what we know (or think we know) and then applying the scientific method to learn more about it to improve.  in a practical sense, this means that how we think we are helping can and should be examined, but rarely is.  doing good seems to be acceptable because it is accepted that charity or development or donations are good in and of themselves.  spector has the guts to say that attitude is wrong.

pseudo science and anecdotal information has taken over our collective knowledge retention and transfer.  and it is scary what can happen when we dismiss scientific evidence and confuse correlation and causation (and all those social science kids out there are likely nodding their heads along with spector throughout his talk).  we have more access to information than ever before and on one hand, i think that this radical democratic style of information sharing makes for a more dynamic and diverse conversation, but on the other hand, more crappy ideas, bad science, and misinformation is also shared in equal measure, if not more.

here's are some truths that spektor highlights that science has demonstrated to us time and time again:

• vaccines don't cause autism
• vitamins won't make you healthier
• all of our food has been genetically engineered to look, taste, and smell the way it does
• organic food is a rip off
• by not embracing scientific advancement in food production, we won't be able to feed all the people on the planet

this was a breath of fresh air for someone who often feels as though they are fighting against more people within the non-profit/development/charitable giving sector than outside of it to demonstrate not all international development projects are good, not all non-profit agencies deserve people's donations of time and money, and giving is not always better than receiving.

i'll have more of the same

finally, it seems that 2010 has cleaned up its act and has decided to stop being such a jerk.

as mondays go, this one was pretty stellar.  and why?

• not waking up to an alarm
• still smiling from the high of getting together with my new book club full of wonderful, dynamic women
• a new outfit of a skirt on the sale at the gap and a shirt that fits perfectly from my sister paired with a bold necklace with a giant flower and my favourite italian boots purchased in ireland
• checking off and throwing away my To Do list at work
• an hour long presentation to the most notorious of the law enforcement agencies in canada (you just try breaking into our borders!) met with positive feedback
• won ton soup
• proofing the text for an ad that i will appear in
• setting up a meeting with someone who wants to learn more about my 'consulting services'
• an invitation for a south african wine drinking and luggage packing date
• a raise.  a totally unsolicited raise!  a potentially retroactive raise!!
• a meeting with my volunteers who continue to inspire me, challenge me, and humour me
• purchase of a wall hanging off etsy to bring a little feng shui into my nest
• a new episode of weeds
• a glass of dry red wine

long may it last.

ted talk recommendations

i have spent my morning cleaning, doing laundry, ironing, and listening to ted talks, which is such a wonderful website about 'ideas worth sharing' and if you have not already taken a perusal through their wonderful videoed lectures (there is an iphone application too for when i am at work!), here are a few talks that struck a nerve or a chord with me this morning, take a look if you have some free time.

***

i have never been a fan of wwf, but its vp who deals with corporate social responsibility and sustainability makes a number of good connections and conclusions about third party verifications, the challenges of putting the decision on sustainable consumption on the consumer, and highlights some success stories of how changes have been made in industries without our even knowing.

i recently went to a lecture by alan knight of the virgin group (of richard branson fame) around third party verification in the forestry industry and what the oilsands of alberta can learn from that experience.  and this was a really nice compliment to that information and is something, to a very brief degree, contend with in my day job.

jason clay: how big brands can help save biodiversity

***

steve jobs gave a commencement address at stanford in 2005 and i absolutely love his message and the story of how he got his start and then kept moving.  i did not realise that he was an adopted child and that he had been publicly fired from apple years ago.  moving and inspiring and a great reminder not to dwell on negative even if it is difficult to suspend judgement in the moment.  (and something i direly need to be reminded of in 2010.)

steve jobs: how to live before you die

***

new york senator diane j savino makes the case for the legalisation of same sex marriage and while i don't necessarily agree with her perspective that even same sex couples should have the right to be as miserable as everyone else as i believe that it doesn't matter what the result of a marriage, all consenting adults should have access to the institution (although i do understand that this line of argumentation might be a line that resonates the best with those whose opinions in the senate she was attempting to influence), i completely agree with her take on the role of government in marriage in a democratic state.

diane j savino: the case for same sex marriage

***

two people speak about choice and they both have really valuable insight into how western developed countries can be improved and deteriorated by the powers associated with choice.

malcolm gladwell speaks to an audience about how to ask the question of what people want in different ways to get more accurate information with the intent of keeping people happy by offering them more choice.

malcolm gladwell: spaghetti sauce

alternatively, and more to my line of thinking on this concept, is barry schwartz who wrote a book entitled the paradox of choice, which i have been meaning to read for years.  he speaks to the idea that the more choices we have, the less satisfied we are with the selection with ultimately make.  i know that this is true for me - when i go to a restaurant with a huge menu i get overwhelmed and am never happy with my final choice because what could it have been like if i picked something else.  for this reason alone, i like eating at fancier restaurants who dictate the menu and refuse to allow substitutions.

schwartz connects the reduction in satisfaction with higher levels of depression and anxiety and i certainly know this is the case for me.  i feel as though there is so much i could do, but where do i start and how to pick what to do?  he uses the example of young people getting married and the selection of a mate, which also resonated with me for the same reasons as the lengthy menus as how we cherish and respect freedom not for what it gives us or what it can allow us to do for ourselves, but simply because freedom in and of itself is valuable.  and i am not always so sure this is the case.  watch it and see what he says about shifting the blame in the medical community and why we might not always be the best person to make decisions for ourselves.

barry schwartz: the paradox of choice

lonesome?

things i have done alone:

• eaten in a restaurant
• visited museums
• seen a movie
• sipped coffees in cafes
• travelled on trains, planes, buses, and in cars
• ran some runs
• moved to new cities
• rode my bike
• travelled to new cities and countries on vacation

things i have not done alone:

• hiked
• gone out dancing
• attended a live music show

mish mash on a friday afternoon

in perusing my regular blogs (over there on the left),  i found a link to a vso study on why the images of poor, starving ethiopians during the live aid campaign have caused negative implications in the stereotype of africans.  now, this is not revolutionary in idea, but it is good to see research collected on the lasting impacts of that media campaign.  after a full read, i do think the research is biased in that it is totally poo-pooing on the media and on western views of developing countries while also saying that we have so much to learn from them (which may, or may not, be true, but it seems a bit cheeky to push that so much towards the end of the report when that wasn't the stated focus of the research).  but, it is worth a read.

and i should send it to the next person who tells me they want to go to africa to volunteer in an orphanage.

in other news, i have found a travel partner to join me in south africa, my mom!  yay.  i am even more excited about this trip now!  so much to sort out before then, but lots of time to do it.  should we visit the wineries, should we go to the district six museum, should we go up table mountain, should we go to simons point for breakfast and to see the penguins, should we visit my friends in the townships???

and speaking of trips, i am all packed and ready to go for the juan de fuca trail...  i have two sets of insoles for my hiking boots in hopes that one of them will avoid my crying due to foot pain and i bringing along a bottle of extra strength advil, which seem to do the trick.

i just need to pop out and see if i can find some 2nd skin and then i am off to victoria!  eek.

knowing a thing or two

hello.  and welcome.  to the hundreds of people who have passed by my corner of the internet these past couple days.  i suppose i should have had this message up before, well, now.  but instead all those newcomers to my blog, thanks to a rather kind link from flotsam, see me whining about my life and being in a funk...

but (but!) here i am, trying not to be wah-wah-wahing for once in a bit of a while.

what a day i had.  it started off with a message that my slow cooker had arrived and was ready for pick up. and a day that starts off like that is bound to be a good one.  what is better is that my slow cooker was free (remember that laptop i bought?  i put it on my credit card and earned enough points to order a slow cooker!) and that it matches the rest of my kitchen appliances, which pleases my obsessive sensibilities.

i began my workday at noon (because i can!) and headed to a townhall meeting with some of the executive of our company and was thrilled that some of my work was not only mentioned in the quarterly update, but praised as good company practice.

but that is not all.  i was mildly dreading heading to yet another meeting with an organisation that i volunteer with after my shortened workday, but was again pleasantly surprised to find that i was regarded as an expert and advisor to a locally based international foundation.  this was all well and good, however, until i had a one-on-one conversation about an upcoming initiative that i not-so-affectionately called voluntourism-lite.

the same qualities of voluntourism are apparent: the focus put on the travellers' experience, no lasting impact or clear outputs of the visit, short term stays in communities, and time and energy put out by the host organisation that is likely motivated by a desire to show that they really are a great organisation doing really good work (a sort of self preservation and marketing to the foreign visitors).

i got in quite a heated discussion about this and i just kept coming back to the question of why?  why is this happening?  to try and head off those who would otherwise seek out a true voluntourism experience and offer them something a little less corrupt and possibly more meaningful?  but that is not what a foundation should be doing.  a bad idea remains a bad idea.

and why is it so hard for people to accept my opinion that if you want to go to africa, go on a wicked vacation full of beaches, safaris, museums, and sights?  there is no requirement that you visit a slum, an orphanage, or a hospital to make it worthwhile.  we don't expect tourists to canada to visit our poorest communities or our underdeveloped first nations reserves so why do we expect canadians to do similar things on their holidays abroad?  and doesn't this continue to perpetuate the same stereotypes that africa is nothing but a continent full of dirty, black kids with flies around their eyes?  and (and!) offering such a programme doesn't acknowledge that many middle and upper class residents of africans don't feel compelled to visit those communities in their backyard, so why would canadians?  and, more than anything, what right do they have to go sniffing around in someone else's backyard?  and again, for what purpose?

eesh.  the whole conversation just made me want to bang my head against a wall.  but (but!), it did make me feel good in the sense that i actually know a thing or two about this and i felt strong enough in my opinions to express them and stand by them.  and that i can make some things better, just by being a part of them even if they frustrate me at times.

and that, along with today's positive feedback, has made me feel as though the wobbly moment might almost (dare i say it?!) be coming to a close.

she's purdy...

but not built to last, it seems.

this new format for my blog is nice and i have liked it so far, but since i changed it, my blog seems to be eating comments so if you don't see yours here, fear not!  i did receive it in my inbox and have no idea where it has gone, but i certainly did not delete it!

and thank you too, while i am at it.  my wah, wah, wah posts seem to bring out a lot of internetly support and that is swell.

it started with a seed

over 4 years ago (and i remember this because it was just before the last world cup), i went to london with my bf at the time and my parents, who were visiting from canada.  we rented a sedan, took ourselves for a holiday of live theatre and sightseeing, and visited portobello market.  and in that lovely market, we bought some seedy bread.  and one of those seeds got stuck between my teeth.

like, really stuck.  stuck so badly that for a few days i had a constant dull ache on that side of my mouth.

eventually, with my mad skills in the flossing department, i got that seed out and there would always be a larger space between those two teeth than any of my others.

i adapted to this by carrying around my favourite kind of floss to make sure i thoroughly floss after eating anything that had a tendency to get stuck in there.  apples, beef, anything stringy.  gross, but i never got the 'floss more' lecture from the dentist because i became mildly obsessed.

and when my sis and bro-in-law and i were sitting down to a cold beer and a bite to eat in victoria last weekend before boarding our plane back to calgary, i noticed that i had a hole in my tooth.  a hole in my tooth!  i had my sister investigate it (yes, in the restaurant) and we agreed that it was most likely a cavity, which seemed inevitable.  i made sure to get in to the dentist the very next day and when they told me that my tooth was actually broken and that they suggested repairing it with a crown, i braced myself for the freezing, the drills, and the awfulness of the dentist in general and went for it.

but being frozen that evening really threw me for a loop and put me in a bit of a funk that lasted through the week.  the miserable weather and confusing text message dating certainly didn't help, but the invasion of having someone's hands in my mouth and not being able to feel half of my face for a number hours seems to have had quite a psychological impact.  and it wasn't nice.

i dug myself out of the funk that week and had a lovely weekend full of beers on patios, hikes in kananaskis, and a patio-hopping fundraising event full of food, wine, and good friends.

but that was not what was on my mind later in the evening after i was at the dentist, as i was on the phone with a call centre in india, half my face frozen, having an ugly cry because i didn't know the difference between a modem and a router.  but the nice, young fellow on the phone wasn't bothered and sorted my internets while i felt sorry for myself.  but i bet that if he were located in canada, working at midnight, and having to put up with a whiney mess like me, he would not have been nearly as patient!

do gooding as gospel

when i was 18, i dated a fellow who was five years my senior and who i thought knew a thing or two about life.  i recall vividly one conversation we had where he told me that of all the people he meets, he only really 'liked' 20% of them enough to want to be friends or see again.  in my youthful naivety, i recall feeling as though that was a very callous statement to make.

and now, at the ripe old age of 29, i feel that 20% was a truly conservative estimate and the proportion of the people i meet who i genuinely want to see again socially is somewhere near 10%. 

i brought this up at a brunch i was with four other ladies this weekend and in our discussions, we agreed that as we become more certain of what we believe and our own values, it makes it easier to make decisions about people and this is completely natural .  and sometimes, you meet people whose activities or comments tip you off to the fact that you likely will not get along.

my friend, an animal lover and vegetarian, said that she couldn't be friends with someone who hunted.  there was a general mmm-hmmm-ing about this.  i followed up with the statement, 'i don't think i could be friends with someone who told me they wanted to volunteer in an orphanage in africa.'

the response?

blink.  blink.  blink, blink.

and then i had to defend my comment and give a brief explanation of why volunteering in orphanages in africa is more often than not, a bad idea. 

the blog world that i am haphazardly a part of has done a great job recently, and perhaps due to the overwhelming response and criticism of aid to haiti, of describing why voluntourism and orphanages as industry is not a terribly great idea and i won't go into the details here.*  but what was really apparent through this exchange was how i felt i needed to justify my statement and opinion to people who had relatively low levels of knowledge on international development and aid because i felt as though i sounded so cold hearted and heartless.

i spent the better part of the rest of the brunch trying to convince them that a) i knew what i was talking about and b) that i am not a horrible, awful person who thinks that the poor, black babies of africa do not deserve our good intentions.  and to be honest, i am really not sure that i was that effective.

it was one of those situations where worlds collide and i was going through the rolodex of posts i have read over the past months in shaping my argument about why holding the value against volunteering at orphanages in africa is not so different that holding a value that includes believing that hunting is wrong.

i like what Tales From the Hood has to say about why we believe that we have the 'right' to help others and the intentions behind doing it.  and Good Intentions Are Not Enough often has posts that support the name of the blog.  and these are written by professionals in the aid and development community so i know i am not alone in my judgements and opinions.  and this also doesn't mean they are necessarily the gospel for all to live by, but it was a tough situation to be in and i wish i had a better arsenal of metaphorical weapons to use when confronted to defend why i believe what i do.

* if you are really interested in my thoughts on this, leave me a comment and i will try and string them together into something articulate in the future.