wah wah wah

i am in a funk.  it is official.

and what is the cause of this funk, you might ask.  (and if you didn't ask, you can stop reading here because i am going to go ahead and answer my own question).

i fear that i am loosing my 'edge.'  i used to be the person in a meeting who would say their background was in international development, but now i have been back in canada and working in oil and gas for over a year and without a huge repertoir of work experience to my credit, i can't keep going on saying that i have a 'background' in much of anything if i have been doing what i now do (whatever that is...) half as long as i used to work in kenya.

and yet, the career path that i am heading down now doesn't excite me or inspire me to do my best.  i will do a good job, but i don't really care about my work (at least not my day job).  sure, working for the bureaucracy that is the un system and in a country that was seriously lacking in infrastructure that i now have the luxury of working with, was also a daily struggle and i wouldn't say that i cared about my job everyday, but at least i took ownership of my work and felt that there was a greater reason to do it than just a paycheque.

eesh.  i just don't know what is to come next and i fear it will just be more of the same.  and yet, i don't know what to do besides what i have been doing by keeping my network warm and sending out updated cv's to people in that industry.  i was feeling really motivated and that i was sitting on the precipice of something interesting or exciting or just a change of some sort and now i fear that i am spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere apart from exactly where i already am.

blah, i am whining.  and this is a funk.  and i am not quite sure what to do to get out of it.

but, hey!  i ran 14km last weekend and it felt great and not a huge stuggle and the 16km that i have scheduled for this coming weekend is not scaring the bajeezus out of me and that is good.