i am in a funk. it is official.
and what is the cause of this funk, you might ask. (and if you didn't ask, you can stop reading here because i am going to go ahead and answer my own question).
i fear that i am loosing my 'edge.' i used to be the person in a meeting who would say their background was in international development, but now i have been back in canada and working in oil and gas for over a year and without a huge repertoir of work experience to my credit, i can't keep going on saying that i have a 'background' in much of anything if i have been doing what i now do (whatever that is...) half as long as i used to work in kenya.
and yet, the career path that i am heading down now doesn't excite me or inspire me to do my best. i will do a good job, but i don't really care about my work (at least not my day job). sure, working for the bureaucracy that is the un system and in a country that was seriously lacking in infrastructure that i now have the luxury of working with, was also a daily struggle and i wouldn't say that i cared about my job everyday, but at least i took ownership of my work and felt that there was a greater reason to do it than just a paycheque.
eesh. i just don't know what is to come next and i fear it will just be more of the same. and yet, i don't know what to do besides what i have been doing by keeping my network warm and sending out updated cv's to people in that industry. i was feeling really motivated and that i was sitting on the precipice of something interesting or exciting or just a change of some sort and now i fear that i am spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere apart from exactly where i already am.
blah, i am whining. and this is a funk. and i am not quite sure what to do to get out of it.
but, hey! i ran 14km last weekend and it felt great and not a huge stuggle and the 16km that i have scheduled for this coming weekend is not scaring the bajeezus out of me and that is good.