(february 7, 2008)
recently, i have had to deal with some unpleasantness. the kind that so easily brings you back to adolescence and dealing with friends who haven’t demonstrated that they are friends at all. and just like 13 years ago, there is a ringleader and just like 13 years ago, their behaviour elicits the same feelings of being left out. i haven’t confirmed if recent events have been intentional but i do know that i have not encountered this in years and forgot what it felt like to feel uninvited and unwanted.
but instead of this being a sob story and although i am astonished at how much it still hurts my feelings, i want to focus on the positive aspects of this experience. because even though it is not a nice thing to have to contend with, it is also reminds me that i am content with my own company and with spending time doing things i enjoy without compromising values. and a tried and true friend told me that she believes that it is a sign of strength and security to spend time alone and concentrate on yourself. i am choosing to agree with her.
in spite of the upcoming weeks, let alone months, saturated with uncertainty, my confidence continues to swell and my optimism remains intact. i cannot know what i will find on the horizon, but i am a lot less afraid of setting out on my own than i was 13 years ago. perhaps because i know that this feeling is temporary and that you are never really alone.
i am able to comprehend why young people cannot be so sure of their futures, but what i cannot understand is why some girls are so mean.