random thoughts on a rainy saturday

i bought ANOTHER hand bag yesterday. it is a bit silly and ridiculous (i mean white suede is never a good idea), but i love it.

a trip to costco reminded me that not only are the parking spot enormous but so are all the products. i think living in europe has made me more sensitive to space and size. and there is no need for most of it. i sort of like the idea that you need to shop more often in the uk, keeps you social and keeps things fresh and not so processed.

this morning i went for a 8km run and i am dreaming about the 16km that j and s did. i love it when people smile and say good morning as you run by. i don't love it when i am afraid that a small terrier is going to bite my ankles as i run by.

i made low fat blueberry bran muffins last night and i think i might give up on the low fat versions of muffins. too dry. and then you end up adding butter anyways, taking away the low-fatness of the whole concept.

spring fever p.a.r.t.y tonight!

2 lessons

i learned two things today.

#1 - holding on to your pride isn't going to help you when you need it.

#2 - keeping your sense of humour makes things easier for yourself and others.

i can thank my gramps for these lessons. why do we pay more attention when we know that there is an end?

feeling the collective

i don't feel as though i know many things right now, but here are some that i do know:

• 25 is hard
• drinking beer and eating crackers with friends on a tuesday night is sometimes what you need
• buying a condo and getting engaged are not in my immediate future
• it is some sort of release to sing as loud as your lungs will let you whilst driving to Not Ready to Make Nice by the Dixie Chicks
• i think cosmetics are killing women slowly
• i am getting my make-up done at MAC for a spring fever party this weekend
• finding the balance will always be a challenge
• 25 is all about balance

the whip and spank'er

a night at the ship and anchor with patios, the rap, the duely, 6+ shots, carl, jokes about regina, head scarves, picnic tables, educational demonstrations

remind me again why rich people are apathetic

almost 3000 people died in the september 11th terrorist attacks.
10 000 africans die every single day of AIDS, TB, and malaria.

the us spent as much in iraq for 2 weeks of fighting (about $2.5 billion) as it does for an entire year of economic development assistance in africa

the first two years of the war in iraq cost $60 billion / year, which is the same amount of money needed for the us to reach the globally agreed-upon amount of 0.7% of gnp for foreign aid. but instead it is sitting somewhere around 0.15%.

i got these humbling facts from The End of Poverty by Jeffrey Sachs, which i am reading for my dissertation.

no one can say that the rich world cannot afford to provide more to the people dying in africa. and yet we don't. and that makes me mad.

noodles and ginger ale

i am sick. i think it is the flu. but i am also home, so i can relax on the couch and eat chicken noodle soup that i didn't have to make.

it is really too bad, because the weather has been fantastic and before today i had already managed to get my fourth sunburn of the season. (i know, i know, i will wear sunscreen next time - with all this global warming, people like me will turn into one big malignant freckle)

i just watched oprah, it was one of those ones where so many good things happen and it makes you cry. but the good kind of cry. well, i suppose there is really no bad kind of cry.

back to the couch for me...

home...

feels good. feels great, in fact.

a bit cold though, i was expecting some more warmth.

the fresh tulips, warm smiles, and bottles of wine shared when i arrived made up for the lack of warm weather.

In Between

today i woke up feeling rather Old and i still can't figure out why.

this morning i was thinking that i have been invited for coffee, for drinks, to the mountains, to a birthday party, and for breakfast from people at home since they know i will be around. and that made me feel really Good.

unfortunately i have been overcome with an extreme feeling of Laziness, which has made feel really useless and Bored out of my mind. i think this might be related to Waiting to go home.

i also feel as though i am somewhere In Between and i think that has a lot to do a lot of different things, but partly because i am Done with this university thing and this small town living and i am Eager to get back to the busy schedule that tends to make my world make more sense.

for some reason this all seems to demand the use of Capitals.

neither here nor there

packing up to go home is a strange feeling. i had a dissertation workshop with the people in my programme yesterday and i found it really helpful. it made me realise that my vacation from deep thought and massive amounts of reading is indeed over and i will have a lot of work to do both at home and whenever i come back to lancaster.

i am still totally unsure about my topic for my research, but i have a good supervisor so hopefully i acquire inspiration through osmosis from him. i am between the head space of 'get this thing over with so i can get on with my real life' and 'where ever you are, be there.' but i must say that i am always one to think to the future and can easily do that when things get tough or boring.

i saw a movie the other day called TransAmerica and i would suggest that people go see it if you are feeling like you need your gender stereotypes challenged and miss the days that we spent at university in women's studies or sociology classes! and felicity huffman is amazing.

handover to the universe

sometimes things come when you need them most.

i am going home next friday for an indefinite period of time. although it was unplanned and unexpected, i can't think of anywhere else i should be right now and i am looking forward to it. i should consider myself lucky that i can just leave lancaster so quickly and without a lot of commitments to contend with, although i'll need to work almost entirely independently on my dissertation.

i am giving this one to the universe though and trusting that i am going where i most need to be. i don't think i've thrown things out to the universe enough lately, but i believe that when you do, the things that need to happen do happen and you will be better for it.

going dutch in amsterdam

i spent just less than a week in holland and yet it felt so much longer than that. i saw and did so much in the short time and don't know where to start, but will try and capture the highlights here.

the streets
the canals, the bikes, the smell of weed outside the coffee shops, the tall skinny buildings. the architecture was one of the most impressive things.




















the bikes
you can ride a bike in a skirt, heels, flip flops, without a helmet, with a small child in front or behind you. you can ride a bike that squeaks, a bike that is rusty, a bike that is spray painted pink and decorated with flowers. two or three people can ride a bike while talking on their cell phone or to the person in the car beside them.

orange

queen's day
this seems an excuse not only to celebrate the country and the queen but to also drag all your unwanted junk out on to the front stoop and try and sell it to the passers by. also a reason to get really drunk in public and dress all in orange. i have never seen so many people on the streets of one city, with so much drinking in public, and so much peeing...into the canals, the public urinals, the corners.

bathrooms
bathrooms are few and far between in amsterdam. even when i ate at a restaurant i still had to pay to pee! no wonder people go in the streets. and how is a woman supposed to use a public urinal?! a bit unfair, i think. sorry, no photo for this point.

anne frank house
i was so moved by this. just reminded me of how powerful words can be and how young women sometimes have a way of making things more clear than anyone else. i held back tears as i looked at the magazine photos she had pasted to her walls. and the elderly dutch lady who was climbing those stairs and telling her two younger female relatives stories as she went through made me want to understand dutch so badly because i think she knew more than the plaques on the wall were saying.

the tulips
being one of the main reasons i was going at this time, i was not disappointed. i hung out with all the old dutch people and american tourists at keukenhof gardens and looked at flowers all day. and i was totally in awe of the colours, textures, and the hundreds of different types of tulips. i have over 100 photos, so here are some of my favourites.

tulips tulips tulips