i have not been sleeping well since i returned and that paired with having to say good bye again was the logical explanation for why i have been feeling lonely and sad when i am home alone. but then this morning it dawned on me that this whole fiasco that kenya has found itself in is taking its toll on me. i hadn’t really been paying attention to how it was affecting me and had ignored how it was affecting kenyans emotionally.
i am still hopeful that the end of it is near and that it will be a matter of rebuilding and humanitarian aid along with political mediation and working towards a suitable resolution, but i guess the whole thing is unstable and could change course depending on what is decided the way forward is and whether or not people are content with the decisions made by the big men.
it makes me wonder what it would feel like if canada were in this position and i would be heartbroken. absolutely heartbroken. so i can imagine how keyans are feeling. you don’t realise what it means to live in a peaceful democracy until faced with the reality of something like this.
i am going to gather up all my old clothes and clothes i don’t wear anymore and drop them at the red cross drop off points to be delivered to the hundreds of thousands of internally displaced persons and hopefully i can feel more useful than i am feeling today. now i am even happier that i am considered ‘essential’ at work, at least i can keep moving and busy and feel useful.