Tuesday, August 28, 2007

if you're buying, make it a double

recently, i have had a few conversations about gender with some lady friends. specifically, the issue of paying for drinks, paying for dinner, and money in general keep coming up with various different opinions and thoughts on the matter. everything from 'let's go find cute boys to buy us drinks' to 'i don't accept offers as then i feel i owe him something' has come up.

i have never known exactly how i feel about this but due to my burgeoning bank account (ha!) as of late, i have really appreciated the kindness of dudes who have bought me dinner, drinks, travel expenses, etc. whether it is within the context of a relationship, dating, or just random strangers at a bar, it has challenged me to be gracious as a response to their kindness and generosity. (or take my vodka and soda water and run to the other side of the bar as quickly as is possible in heels to avoid having to make idle conversation with boring men!)

i used to have some guilt and discomfort with this but i am beginning to come around, but does that mean that i am losing my feminist spirit and will come to expect men to spend money on me? does it just mean that i am using my red lips and blonde hair for evil rather than good? or does it mean that since i will statistically make less than men in the same position as me and that i will be the one who looses out if i ever have to take maternity leave (i know it is not supposed to happen that way, but as far as i can see, it does), am i just righting the wrongs of the professional world?

just wondering what the internet thinks about this one.

i am also wondering what my mama and grandma think about this one too, because these are the things that the other generations of women might have some wisdom on. so would gloria, too bad i don't have her email address.

9 comments:

Riena said...

I see nothing wrong with accepting a drink or dinner from a friend, male or female. But you must be prepared to reciprocate. The earning power of the other person should not come into it. Equal is as equal does. 2 wrongs don't make a right. We (females) have come a long way. I know we are not totally there yet, but lets not go backwards. This of course does not pertain to people in a serious relationship. Then it really doesn't matter who pays, the money belongs to both of you anyway. Or if you are a little broke, it's ok if a friend helps you out, but you must be prepared to return the favour when you can. This again is only if you are broke temporarily. If you are always broke, don't be bummin'. Bottom line.... it's got nothing to do with male or female. But it's not nice to accept a drink in a bar from someone you have no intention of even talking to. Boy, this really sounds like a Gramma answer doesn't it.

Joy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joy said...

"does it just mean that i am using my red lips and blonde hair for evil rather than good?" ~ love it. I literally laughed out loud.

On a serious note, I quite agree wtih Reina. I don't accept anything from strangers unless it is absolutely insisted upon as a kind gesture.

As for the issue on male or female; with friends, it is more casual. It doesn't matter so much as long as we are all contributing what we can, when we are able.

lu said...

thanks, i knew grandmas would have wisdom to share!

and i absolutely agree about two wrongs not equally a right. someone once said that 'exploitation is exploitation,' which i wholeheartedly agree with.

which is why i get so pissed off when taxi drivers try and rip me off here just because they think i have oodles of money. some people even call it a 'skin tax' which is really preposterous.

Paper Fan Club said...

Kids shouldn't take candy from strangers and neither should good girls. However, I see nothing wrong with accepting "free" kindnesses as having a door held open for you...

lu said...

good girls?

i hate that phrase.

Paper Fan Club said...

Well, I guess that depends on your personal definition of "good." (wink)

kels said...

hey lu...just reading this one and totally relating to your feelings. you know that i have been dealing with this too just in a different way. but i think if you would do the same for these "dudes" if you were able to, then i see nothing wrong with it. if things are given with kindness and honesty behind them, then we should accept them graciously and remember to pay it forward to whomever regardless of gender.

lu said...

kels, you are so wise! we are both so stubborn but i think that we are learning to relax a little. and only good things can come of it.

bring it on, 26!